Stepping Back Into Promise

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3-4

As I entered July 2011, I found myself in a place of utter frustration, discouragement, disappointment, anger and depression, which led me to a place of rebellion. Who and what was I rebellion against? God and His purpose for my life. After writing and publishing my first book under the guidance of the Holy Spirit I found myself at an high place with God in April and May, feeling like my season was of blessings were coming. It seemed to me like the wheels were now turning in my favor. Then came the slap in the face, as book sales stalled and my money dried up, I found myself questioning, if I was truly in the will of God with this writing career. If I had truly heard the LORD say, “He would bless the works of my hand.”

I begin to feel frustrated with God and His promises of my life. Why, if I had such an anointing, call and purpose on my life was I always going through so much? Why, did I have to ALWAYS go THROUGH and FIGHT so much? Why, could I get something easy? Here I was giving God may TIME, TALENT and TREASURE; only to see things go from bad to worst for me.

It was a day in July that I told God, I was not going to do ministry work, write another thing, pray, study the Word or anything until He blessed me. I was so freaking tired of taking a step forward only to be pushed ten steps back. In a state of rebellion I sat and did absolutely NOTHING. I ignored calls for my ministry team leaders, went to Worship service late (I am the Media Ministry team leader and I run the sound system at our late service, not a good thing for me to be late.) But here I was, so causal about ministry, catching attitudes, rolling my eyes and saying I do not care or whatever. What I could not understand was that even in my disobedience and rebellion God continued to tell me He loved me. In the two months I was in a rebellious state, God, reminded me of what Jesus said, “no one will snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all^[c]; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” He did not stop there, the words King David record in Psalm 139: 7-12 came to me, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

God reminded me that His Word was so much apart of me and who I was that not even rebellion and disobedience could separate us. I had done what David recommended, I hide the Word of God in my heart and as the enemy told me, my attempts to be obedient to God was all for not. If He was going to bless the works of my hand, why was it taking Him so long to prosper the very thing He told me would bless me? Where was my Jehovah Jireh when I needed Him the most? As the voice of the enemy grew louder and louder in my head, it was the presence of God and the Holy Spirit that kept me from going any deeper into despair.

It was a day in August when I know the rebellion and disobedience had to end. I know it was time to let it go and get back to be about my Father’s business. The last six years with the LORD has shown me He could be trusted with everything concerning me. I know God loved me! I went from a place of rebellion and disobedience to a place of just been in a rut and not really know how to get out. There was the desire to get out and continue to pursue the dreams and things of God. This week Habakkuk 2: 3-4 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay” kept coming to me. It was not until this morning that I really gave the scripture much thought. As I contemplated what was said to Habakkuk, the promises God made to me came to mind. In the last three months I had lost my patience. I lost that preservation that God placed in me. I lost my determination to keep going no matter what. I lost my drive and ambition to eagerly pursue the things of God.

After three months I am ready to step back into my promises. Knowing that the vision (promises) of God may tarry but if I wait for them, I am assured today that God will surely bring them to past. I feel like going on in faith, hope, obedience, praise, worship, trust and courage to again pursue the things God has said are mine.

God Bless
Ryane