A Babe For Christ

Stepping Back Into Promise

2011-09-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3-4

As I entered July 2011, I found myself in a place of utter frustration, discouragement, disappointment, anger and depression, which led me to a place of rebellion. Who and what was I rebellion against? God and His purpose for my life. After writing and publishing my first book under the guidance of the Holy Spirit I found myself at an high place with God in April and May, feeling like my season was of blessings were coming. It seemed to me like the wheels were now turning in my favor. Then came the slap in the face, as book sales stalled and my money dried up, I found myself questioning, if I was truly in the will of God with this writing career. If I had truly heard the LORD say, “He would bless the works of my hand.”

I begin to feel frustrated with God and His promises of my life. Why, if I had such an anointing, call and purpose on my life was I always going through so much? Why, did I have to ALWAYS go THROUGH and FIGHT so much? Why, could I get something easy? Here I was giving God may TIME, TALENT and TREASURE; only to see things go from bad to worst for me.

It was a day in July that I told God, I was not going to do ministry work, write another thing, pray, study the Word or anything until He blessed me. I was so freaking tired of taking a step forward only to be pushed ten steps back. In a state of rebellion I sat and did absolutely NOTHING. I ignored calls for my ministry team leaders, went to Worship service late (I am the Media Ministry team leader and I run the sound system at our late service, not a good thing for me to be late.) But here I was, so causal about ministry, catching attitudes, rolling my eyes and saying I do not care or whatever. What I could not understand was that even in my disobedience and rebellion God continued to tell me He loved me. In the two months I was in a rebellious state, God, reminded me of what Jesus said, “no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all^[c]; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” He did not stop there, the words King David record in Psalm 139: 7-12 came to me, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

God reminded me that His Word was so much apart of me and who I was that not even rebellion and disobedience could separate us. I had done what David recommended, I hide the Word of God in my heart and as the enemy told me, my attempts to be obedient to God was all for not. If He was going to bless the works of my hand, why was it taking Him so long to prosper the very thing He told me would bless me? Where was my Jehovah Jireh when I needed Him the most? As the voice of the enemy grew louder and louder in my head, it was the presence of God and the Holy Spirit that kept me from going any deeper into despair.

It was a day in August when I know the rebellion and disobedience had to end. I know it was time to let it go and get back to be about my Father’s business. The last six years with the LORD has shown me He could be trusted with everything concerning me. I know God loved me! I went from a place of rebellion and disobedience to a place of just been in a rut and not really know how to get out. There was the desire to get out and continue to pursue the dreams and things of God. This week Habakkuk 2: 3-4 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay” kept coming to me. It was not until this morning that I really gave the scripture much thought. As I contemplated what was said to Habakkuk, the promises God made to me came to mind. In the last three months I had lost my patience. I lost that preservation that God placed in me. I lost my determination to keep going no matter what. I lost my drive and ambition to eagerly pursue the things of God.

After three months I am ready to step back into my promises. Knowing that the vision (promises) of God may tarry but if I wait for them, I am assured today that God will surely bring them to past. I feel like going on in faith, hope, obedience, praise, worship, trust and courage to again pursue the things God has said are mine.

God Bless
Ryane

Our Story

2011-06-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

It took years for me to piece together what actually happened thatnight. I shared with the student body, what I understood to be the turn
of events that led to the tragedy. Some parts of it we will never know,
but I shared with them as best as I could. Our next-door neighbor owed
Tracy some money. The neighbor’s daughter came over to our house
and told Tracy her mother was in a crack house smoking her money up
with the neighbor’s brother. Tracy was upset and went to the house
looking for her. She found her and asked for her money. The lady
started to curse and resolved that she was not going to give Tracy
anything.” Tracy told her simply, “You WILL give me my money”
and she began to walk away. The lady threw a beer can at Tracy and
all hell broke loose. Tracy started to walk away but didn’t. After the
lady throw the beer can Tracy went back to confront her further and
that was when, Charles, the woman’s son, came out and begin to hit
Tracy. My other sister Danielle then joined in the altercation. One of
their friends went to tell my mother about the fight. My mom and my
brother Ronnie went down the alley from our house where my sisters
were to see what was going on. This is where the story gets fuzzy for
me. It was not clear then and it still is not clear who had the gun. The
gun was there and it was in Charles’s hand. He shot Tracy first as his
mother looked on and screamed, “Kill all of them.”

Charles turned the gun on Ronnie and shot him, then Danielle.
My mother could not stand by and watch her children be shot down by
this man as if they were nothing. She jumped on Charles and struggled
with him for the gun. In the process, my mother was shot twice, once
in the head and a second time in the leg. She managed enough strength
to wrestle the gun away from him; it was then she shot and killed him.
It’s crazy how in a few minutes your life changes completely.
Our mother warned Tracy that the neighbor was going to be the
cause of her death. She told her if you keep messing with her and her
family, she is going to be the cause of Stacey growing up without a
mother and you being dead. And in a couple of days her words rang
true and our lives were changed forever.

When I got to the part where my mother shot and killed Charles,
the whole auditorium erupted in cheer. Was there anything to cheer
about in this situation? I am more than grateful to my mother for doing
what she did and I understand her reasoning for her actions, but there
were no winners in this situation. Both families lost. It is fair for me
say that Charles was high on drugs the night he turned a gun on my
family. I do not know if he had been sober if the outcome of the
situation would have been different. I wish and pray that it would
have, but what’s done is done. We just had to learn from it and go on.
While my classmates cheered my mom like a hero at the end of a fairy
tale, I didn’t have the words to explain to them that resolution doesn’t
come that easy. I couldn’t silence their cheers and take them through
the journey of my pain. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs and
tell them that Charles’ life was not as ransom for what had been stolen
from my family on that day was greater. I couldn’t tell them about the
mental breakdowns my mother suffered or the visions of my sister in
my mind that plagued me from time to time.

They wouldn’t understand that part of it – so I left them in a happy place, though I
was stripped emotionally and damaged spiritually. I let the applause
echo in my head for moments after, when it was silent. I simply
thanked them for their attention, but they had no idea of the story
behind the story. I wish I would have told them be careful what you
cheer for. That ending was not a happy ending at all.

Purchase your copy of From the Gutters to a Mansion by going to www.lulu.com/buy and typing in From the Gutters to a Mansion.

Thank you!!!

Relationship

2011-03-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

Everyday I receive a scripture on my cell phone, today’s scripture was Jeremiah 17:7-8,"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

For the last three Sunday’s my Pastor has been preaching and teaching on prayer. He gave an acronym about how to get a prayer through R-A-P. The R represents relationship, our relationship with God. Relationships are important to humans whether we would admit it or not. We were created to be in relationship; first with God and then with others.

It is our relationship with God that allows us to fully understand what Jeremiah is talking about in verses 7-8. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. A relationship with God will build your trust in Him as you learn about His character, love, and patience’s. Then you begin to experience God and it’s through your experiences with Him that your confidence grows which leads to trusting in God.

Trusting in God is important everyday of your life but it is extremely important to trust Him when life gets difficult for you; when the storms of life coming raging into your life like a hurricane. It is then you see where your relationship with God stands. Will your troubles cause you to walk away from God or will you be like the man Jeremiah talks about in verses 7-8. The blessed man who trusted in God in good times and bad times; the one who continued to trust in the Lord, even when the heat of life came. As it will, Christ said, “In this world you will have trouble.” In His love the Lord forewarned of the trouble that could arouse in our lives but He went on to say, “But take heart! I have overcome the world."

You can only take heart if you know Him. If you believe in what is written about Him? What is said of the miracles He is still performing today? It is important to have a relationship with God because when the heat comes, as it well, you will be able to still bear fruit during your season of drought.

I know this because the last two years I have been going through a season of loss but I have also been able to bear fruit. I have been able to see God’s mercy and grace up close and very personal. I have stood in the heat of life and have ben refreshed by God day in and day out. He has held to His promises to never leave me or forsake me.

My trust in Him has opened up the door to peace in the midst of my troubles. I have not had to worry about food, money or a place to stay at all, even through I lost my job.
So, get to know God. Spend some time with Him and allow His love to move you to a place where you trust Him. A place where you place all your confidence in Him.
God Bless!!!

Confidence in God

2011-02-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite old saints from the Bible is King David. There are a couple of reasons why I like King David so much. He had a faith, trust, and relationship with God that preserved every trial, tribulation, problem and situation he faced. His relationship with God never changed based on his condition or what he was going through in his life. When his own son was trying to kill him, King David looked to the Lord for answers. When He had a promise from God that he would one day be King of Israeli, King David never give up, when people were trying to kill him, lying on him and doing everything to undermine the promises of God in his life; King David held firm to the promises of God over his life.

When you read through the Psalms King David wrote, you see a relationship that is rooted in love, trust, and faith. It takes a lot to still trust, have faith in and love a person, who at first glance seems to be standing idling by as folks try and kill you due to the promise He has given you. But that was King David, when you look at Psalms like Psalm 27, where King David writes, “The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour[a] me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.” As I have study King David’s life, his trust, love, and faith in God came from him spending time with the LORD. Making himself available to the LORD. Even as all these things were happening in his life. He knew God would never leave him or forsake him. It seemed at times like King David had some insight into God’s character that no one else on the planet had. I wonder sometimes will my faith, trust and love for God ever come close to King David’s. Will I get to a place that even in the most unbearable situations that occur in my life, while I be able to show this much faith and trust in God.

There are times on my journey, particularly the last two years, were I have had to take pages out of King David’s life on faith, on trusting God and know the love of God. Like King David I have promises from God about my life and our journey together. While I see something happening in the natural ream, I have not seen the full manifesting of the promises of God on my life just yet. Which I admit can be a bit discouraging at times, when you are doing almost everything that is required of you and still not seen the promises. And then it seems that even more problems pop up in your life. I look to old saints like King David for an example on how to get through the preparation season of my life. To stay encourage on this journey that is sometimes filled with twist and turns, ups and downs , we have to look to the LORD and the encouragement He has made available to us in His written Word, in songs and in His people. So, I find my encouragement in the Psalms when I am discouraged. I allow my mind to go back to what King David must have felt to have so much promise on his life and be hated to the point where some would want to kill him. But there was not quitting in him and it seem the more he believed in the LORD, the deeper his relationship with Him grew.

I desire that type of relationship with God. That no matter what I go through on this journey it only serves to deepen my relationship with God. I am getting there and I thank God for His patience with me. As King David continued in Psalm 27, I allow these words not only to minister to me but I apply them to my life as I take this victories journey with God. “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. Hear my voice when I call, LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper; Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Teach me your way, LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. “

Reflections

2010-12-31T16:20:00.000-08:00

As the hours are running out on 2010, I find myself reflecting on all 2010 has meant, for me the first 8 months of 2010 was stagnant, unproductive, undisciplined and lacking in self-control. It was in the first 8 months that I could not believe I was still going through such tough losses, while still trusting in God. While still doing some of the work God has prepared for me to do. I could not believe my life had not turned the corner at that point. Why was God not moving in my life and turning things around for me? Why was He still giving me things to do and encouraging me to fulfill my God given purpose but was not answering my prayers for relief from my situations? So, I just did enough the first 8 months of 2010 to say I did something. Honestly, I did not put my best foot forward I just put a foot forward and said, “I did it.”

Then one day as I sat on the beach in Virginia Beach in August, things changed from that day. I had a totally awesome experience with God that propelled me to stop just existing but to start living again. God told me I was in a season of loss. My mind went to something my Associate Pastor asked me two years ago, Was God the joy of my strength.” To which I said, “Yes.” That meant to me, even in this season of loss, He was still the joy of my strength. This was the beginning of 2010 turning around for me. It was the beginning of my journey to rediscovery. I need to rediscovery the God, who found me in my loss state and clean me up. I need to rediscover the unique things God has disposed into me that make me Ryane Belynda Nickens. For that I went on a road trip for six week, visiting friends and each friend held a key to unlock the part of me I had locked up. It started in Chicago and brought me back to Washington, DC, renewal, revived and even the more determined to fulfill God’s plan for me life.

So, 2010 for me was a season of loss but in my losses I found Ryane Belynda Nickens again. As I head into 2011, I know God has a plan to prosper me. Today, Isaiah 43:16-18-19, spoke to the very way I was feeling about entering 2011. It reads, “This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” For I know the LORD is doing a new thing with me. I know He is preparing me to enter into another season and to experience Him at another level. So, as I take the lessons learned in 2010 with me into 2011, I go thanking God for being true to His Word and not leaving me or forsaking me. Even when I wanted Him too! I thank Him for always loving me, protecting me, guiding me and I know it will continue in 2011.

I pray God will reveal Himself to you in an awesome and magnificent way in 2011. Be safe and Happy New Year!!! May it be filled with God’s glorious presence and His awesome blessings!!!

Matrimonial Money: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 10

2010-12-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; if they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up! Ecclesiastes 4:3-10

12 Days to Go: It’s Not Just about You

Main Point: Together as one you can become better stewards of your money.

My Pledge: I will work with my spouse to develop a set of rulers to govern how we handle our money together.

Daily Assignment: If you are married (or engaged, as in there’s a ring and a firm date set), work together to come up with at least ten “House Rules” to handle your money as a couple. I’ve already started you off with four, so you only have six more to go. Once you are in agreement, write down the rules. I mean it. Put them on paper and keep the rules handy so there is no question what you both agreed to.

In addition to mediating on the Scripture for today, read Luke 14:28. Discuss with your spouse what this Scripture means. Here’s a hint: The passage is about the importance of planning.

If you are not married, make a list of the financial qualities you would like to have in a mate. Now, create a list of the financial issues you have and would like to improve upon before getting married.

My Response:
Qualities I would like in a mate.
1. A excellent steward of his financial resources.
2. Financial stable.
3. A mate who is able to tell me no and be firm, when it comes to my impose spending.
4. A tithier.
5. Someone who knows how to budget.

List of my financial issues I would like to have improved before getting married.
1. Be more financial responsible.
2. Reduce some or most of my debt.
3. Have a working budget I am living within.

Diversification Delivers: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 9

2010-12-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land. Ecclesiastes 11:2

13 Days to Go: Investing for Your Future

Main Point: Understand that when you invest, you put your money at risk.

My Pledge: I will examine my investments to make sure I’m well diversified.

Daily Assignment: Visit a website that explains the basics of investing. I’ve already listed several, but at least start with www.finra.org or www.mymoney.gov.
Review your investment statements-including your retirement account and your children’s college fund. Look at where and how you’ve allocated the money in your 401(k) or other retirement plans. Is it spread across various asset classes? Or have you concentrated your contributions in just one or two types of asset categories? In other words, is your money all in one basket?

If you are not investing, make the commitment today to begin investing for your future. If you are eligible for a 401 (k) plan at your job, start contributing to it. If your employer doesn’t provide a retirement plan, resolve to invest anyway. You can open an IRA. To find out more information about IRA, go to www.ivestorprotection.org. Read “Maximize Your Retirement Investments.” You can also find information on how to open an IRA at www.choosetosave.org.

My Response: I am currently unemployed, so there is no 401 (k) for me to invested in. However, I am working towards being self-employed and will look into opening an IRA account for myself.

Taking a journey down honest avenue right now...I have yet to write down my budget. Why, you ask? I have no clue! I will committment today to set aside Friday night to work on my budget, however, hard it is for me to do.

Pray for me, because I need it!!!

The Salvation of Saving: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 8

2010-12-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. Proverbs 21:5

14 Days to Go: God’s Blueprint for Saving

Main Point: There is great reward in saving.

My Pledge: I will commit today to set aside a percentage of every paycheck for my savings.

Daily Assignment: If you are not regularly saving money, make the commitment today to save at least 5 percent of every paycheck. For example, if your net income during one pay period is $1, 500.00, you will save $75.00.

If you work for a company, contact your benefits coordinator to set up an automatic deposit into your savings account. Put the money into an account and resolve not to touch it.

If you are already saving, consider increasing the amount you are putting aside. Five percent is just a beginning. If you really want to boost your savings, go to 10 or 15 percent.

To give your savings a purpose, list the things you would like to do with the money. For example, pay off a debt, take a long-overdue vacation, make some home improvements, etc. Post the list someplace where you will see it frequently to help maintain your commitment and motivation to save.

My Response: I am currently not saving any of my income, due to the fact, 95 percent of it goes right back out the door. But I will make a commitment starting today to saving at the very least $10.00 out of every check I receive to start with.
In the future I will put away five dollars from every book I sale into a saving account that will not be touch. It will be in my Emergency Fund account.
I can use the money to assist with my book tour I will take in 2011, to promote my first book. The money can be used to pay off debt and to help my parents and Granny with their bills or wants.

The Providence of Preparation: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 7

2010-12-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored. Proverbs 13:18

15 Days to Go: Budgeting for Life

Main Point: A budget is your roadmap to prosperity.

My Pledge: I will be diligent and develop a budget so that every penny I earn has a purpose.

Daily Assignment: You know what to do. Follow all the instructions in the chapter to begin putting your budget together. You may not finish today, but you must begin the process today. By the end of Day 11, which is the end of part 2: “Prepare Yourself to Prosper,” you should have completed your budget. (You can find an online version of this budget at www.washingtonpost.com/singletaryP2Plinks).
Journal daily from now through Day 11 about your feelings concerning your budget. Use the sample journal entry in the appendix as a reference if you need help. Whatever you do, don’t give up-even if the numbers look grim. Remember that God is with you during this entire process.

My Response: I am working on this assignment and it is no fun at all. I know how much debt I have and to whom I owe it too. My budget should not be that hard to do, what I am finding hard to do is face the mess I made of my finances. Facing a financial future within a budget, something I have never done. I am not the must discipline person on the planet, as evidence by my finances. But I believe creating this budget will help me be more accountable and responsible with my finances.

Coveting versus Contentment: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 6

2010-12-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1 Timothy 6:6-8

16 Days to Go: Satisfaction Guaranteed
Main Point: Be content with what you have.

My Pledge: Today, I promise I will not complain about anything I don’t have.

Daily Assignment: Make a list of at least three things you’ve said lately that express a lack of contentment. For example:
I wish I had a bigger house.
I don’t have anything to wear.
We never go anywhere.

After you make the list, ask God for forgiveness for not appreciating what you have.
Clean out your house. You didn’t think I was kidding, did you? Well, maybe not the whole house today. Instead, pick one room or a closet or toy bin and pull everything out. Sort everything into three piles: Keep it trash it, give it away. Give or throw away everything you haven’t used in the last year.

My Response: A major of my stuff is in storage, making this assignment nearly impossible. I went through my items before I placed them in storage and ridden myself of all the things I did not need or want.

The Evils of Entitlement: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 5

2010-12-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Ecclesiastes 2:10

17 Days to Go: The World is Enticing

Main Point: A sense of entitlement could be getting in the way of God blessing you.

My Pledge: Today, I’ll think about something in my life that I did or purchased that I know realize was giving in to a sense of entitlement.

Daily Assignment: Think of an occasion where you gave in to your sense of entitlement. For example, did you take a vacation that ended up putting you further into debt?
How much did your sense of entitlement cost you? Write down the amount so you can own up to it.
Today I want you to list at least three things you are grateful for. Then, in a specific prayer, I want you to give thanks to God for those blessings. As the song goes, “Count your blessings, name them one by one.” The following are examples of things to be grateful for:
I have a job.
I have someplace to live.
I have my own teeth.

My Response: It was back in July when I visited the T-Mobile store for a new charger for my phone and saw the new Windows phone. Though there was nothing wrong with my current phone I wanted the Windows phone and thought because of everything I had lost and going through the last three years, I deserved something new to play with. I brought the phone and a month later it was stolen for an outdoor community event I was volunteering at. So, $358.00 was wasted because I do not submit my claim to the insurance company in a timely fashion.

Father,I am grateful today for my family & friends who have encourage me and been there for me the last three years. You have blessed beyond anything I could imagine in giving me people who love me for me and support and encourage me to be all You want me to be. I am also grateful for a roof over my head, when so many people who have lost there jobs during this recession, have also lost their homes and are now homeless. I thank you!!! For I know it could have been me but you continue to bless me. I am also thankful and grateful for Your Presence in my life because had it not been for you…I surely would have lost my mind during this time but I am clothe in my right mind because You would not take Your hand off of me.

Love Your Child,
Ryane Beylnda Nickens

Tithing Today: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 4

2010-12-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10

18 Days to Go: First Fruits

Main Point: Tithing is still applicable today.

My Pledge: I will commit to tithing or recommit to continue tithing.

Daily Assignment: If you are not a tither, make a list of the reasons why you don’t tithe. Your list might include things like:
I can’t afford to tithe.
I am afraid I won’t have enough to pay my bills.

Add up all the nonessential expenses you had in the last month, such as cable, eating out, going to the movies, etc. How much are you spending on these?
Figure out how much your tithes would be per month and compare this with the money you spent on nonessentials. Do you see places you can cut your expenses to find the money to tithe?

If you are already tithing, are you tithing on your gross income? If not, take a look at your discretionary spending (cable, cell phone, entertainment) and consider cutting back so that you can tithe on the full amount of your “increase.”
If you already tithe on your gross income, examine your offerings or charitable contributions to other organizations. Are you giving as much as you can? Or are you tithing to the penny, while grousing that you can’t or won’t give another dime to anything else?

My Response: I believe if I budget appropriately I will be able to give more in offerings each month to my home church. We currently have a building fund pledge going on to help renovation our church. I filled out the card but I have yet to turn it in because I do not really know where I am going to find the money, I thought. After four days on the financial fast I believe I can support this effort with the $20.00 a week a waste on unnecessary things. I plan on turning in the card with my first donation this Sunday.

God’s Generosity: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 3

2010-12-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

19 Days to Go: Cheerful Giving

Main Point: To whom much is given, much is required.

My Pledge: I will identify someone-a friend, family member, neighbor, or co-worker-who needs help either with cash (I can afford to give away) or my time. I will use God’s generosity toward me as an example of how to be generous to others. As I prosper, I will share my wealth with others.

Daily Assignment: Think of at least one person who could use some help financially. For example, perhaps there is someone you know struggling to purchase groceries. Could you pick up some extra grocery items for them when you do your shopping? If you can’t afford to help someone with cash, how else might you ease their financial burden? Perhaps you could offer to babysit for an evening. Maybe you know a neighbor whose care has been repossessed. Offer to drive the person on a few errands or take them to work for a week free of charge.

My Response: At this time I am not able to help anyone financial. Every dollar of my income is account for each week. I am on this financial fast to learn how to budget and handle the money God has provided for me. I can and will seek other ways to be of help to someone else with my time and talent.

A Promise of Prosperity: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 2

2010-12-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:18

20 Days to Go: God Will Provide

Main Point: God promises prosperity.

My Pledge: To find the key to wealth, I have to understand that prosperity comes with conditions. I must follow God’s will and Word for my life.

Daily Assignment: Listed below are the Ten Commandments. As you review each one, ask yourself these questions: “Have I broken this commandment in ways that have left me broke? Have I ignored a commandment and been robbed of financial peace?” After each commandment are some additional questions to consider. You don’t have to answer all the questions, but read through and see which ones most apply to you. Write your responses in your journal.

“ You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.” (Exodus 20:7). List at least one time in which you cursed God for not having the things you want. How did that impact your relationship with God?

My Respone: There are a number of the ten commandments I have broken over my life span. The one that jumps out at me is “ You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.” In the last three years I have seen many things/people taken away from my life. Just as I was getting around to get my finances in order, I was let go from my job. It was almost four months before I recieved my first unemployment check. At that point I was three months behind on my rent and other bills had piled up. In the months to come I found myself slowly but surely going deeper into debt. I was tithing and giving my offering on the money God was bring into my life. I was still giving my treasure, time and talent but there was no release from my financial burden.

I found myself one day this year asking God, why had others who were not doing anythign for Him prosper and here I was giving Him my time, talent and treasure but I was still under heavy financial debt. I remember cry out and asking God, "where are you?" I need you!!!

Hebrews 13:5 "“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”God, had been telling me this for the last three years, along with the Do Not Worry passage in Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. and Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Knowing God is always with me and as Numbers 23:19-20 records, "God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it." I feel closer to the Lord and every trial appears to bring me closer to God.

The Power to Prosper: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 1

2010-11-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6

A couple of weeks ago I started working on my 5-year life plan. As I looked at the areas of my life I wanted to set goals for I felt pretty good about all but one. My finances!!! I am going to go ahead and admit I am horrible with money. I spend, spend and think about the cost later on. So, I looked at the financial section of my 5-year life plan and thought I would save that portion for last. But in the last week, my finances have been at the top of my discussions with God. I feel trapped in debt, mad at myself for making so many bad choices, and really unsure of how to rein in my spending. How do I break myself out of this poor money management system or the lack of any system?
It was a couple of months ago that I picked up Michelle Singletary book “The Power To Prosper: 21 Days to Financial Freedom”. I read the Acknowledgements and the introduction chapter then put it down and did not pick it back up until it was time to return it back to the library. I have made myself become accustom to be in the library to write at least four days a week. While I was in the back waiting for something, I found myself standing next to the books on finances and again there was Michelle Singletary’s book. I looked at it and it looked at me…then something within me told me to pick it up and try again. So, I picked the book up again. Thinking to myself am I really going to be able to complete a 21 day financial fast, in which, I purchase nothing but the bare essentials. Am I even capable of doing something like this?
Not sure if I am capable but the next 21 days will tell me if I am capable of not spending money on anything but the bare essentials. In the book Michelle Singletary suggested we keep a journey and this will be my journey…you guys already know all my business anyway…why not take this journey with me. She also has an assignment at the end of each reading for the next 21 days.

21 Days to Go: Breaking Bonds
Main Point: We need to be set free from the bondage spending holds on our lives.
My Pledge: For the next twenty-one days, I will be on a spending diet. I will not shop for anything except necessities. I will not use my credit card. I will limit or eliminate the use of my debit card. I will use cash for purchases I make during the fast. In this way, I will strive to break the chains that keep me from achieving financial freedom.
Daily Assignment: Make a list of any potential obstacles that may prevent you from sticking to the fast and then decide how to eliminate them. For example, instead of putting your credit cards in a drawer or file cabinet, freeze them. Yes, that’s what I said. Put the cards in the freezer. That’s what one person did so that she wouldn’t be tempted to use her cards. If you are a shopaholic, you may need to change your driving pattern so that you don’t go near your favorite shopping places.
Take this pledge and then sign your name on the line below:
“I promise to follow the 21-day financial fast so that I may put myself on the path of prosperity and financial freedom.”
Ryane Belynda Nickens
My List:
Food- I go to the gym five days a week in between the timeframe of 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. each day and then to the library. According to the trainer I need to eat at least 5 small meals a day, which means I stop at local sandwich shop or fast food store to pick something up for lunch. For the next 21 days I will pack a lunch and snacks to take with me and eat that instead of going to a restaurant.
I Need-I living under the assumption that I need everything that I purchase, when in reality I know I do not. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me in making the right financial choices over the next 21 days and everyday after that.

So, the journey begins…wish me luck!!!

Open Letter

2010-11-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

This is a short story I am working on called Open Letter. I pray you enjoy and look forward to hearing your thoughts on Open Letter.

It’s August 19, 2009 and I am home on a raining day with my over active imagination. For months I have been pondering over this letter. What do I say to someone I have never meet? How do I start this letter? Will you read it before we meet? Are just a few of the question in my mind? I often find myself thinking about you, wondering if we will ever meet. Wondering if you have those perfect brown eyes like a brown new penny fresh from the mint. Wondering if your smile fits the one I walk around with in my head. You know, one of those smiles that can make a girl melt. If your touch would cause me to forget where I am, of course, these are all physical attributes.

Yes, a physical attracting is important but I really need a spiritual connection with you also. I wonder about your relationship with our awesome Heavenly Father. What are your favorite bible verses? What songs do you sing to encourage yourself in the Lord? Where are you on your spiritual journey with the Lord?

I wrote this prayer to God about you a couple of years back then I went and updated it back on August 20, 2008, so this is the eve of the one year anniversary of my updated prayer to God concerning you. As you can see, we have not cross paths yet. I believe we have not met yet because God is still working on the both of us. He is making sure we are both ready for one another. You see if I have some issues, some things God needs to get rid of before we meet. I know you probably are being transformed too, which is my prayer. Yes, I do pray for you! Not that God would send me a husband but I pray for your strength, career, comfort, success, family, peace, joy and I pray God will keep you while we are apart. That He would also keep you when we are together. It is easy to pray for a husband but I do not just want to pray for a husband I want to pray for the husband God has specific for me, I believe that is you. So instead of praying for a husband I pray for your needs to be met and God will give you the desires of your heart.

I mentioned earlier that I have some issues, yes, even though I would love to say, I’m perfect, I have to admit that I am only close to perfection. I am a daddy’s girl. No old lawds!!! Yes, I am spoiled, yes, I am a spoiled little brat. Sometimes I just want what I want, which, I know you have guessed it. I can also be stubborn at times when I do not get it. My mom says I get it from my dad but truth be told I get it from the both of them. I know how to compromise a little. I am still learning though. I will get it. Hey, I have been a spoiled little daddy’s girl for over 30 years so it is going to take a little while for me to get through this thing. I can be a little stuck-up at times, a tidbit lazy at times, and I procrastinate a lot and sometimes I just want to be left alone.

With all my faults, I can honestly say, you will never find a bigger supporter than me. While I can be a little spoiled and self-centered at times, I will always encourage you to be the man God purposed and anointed you to be. I will never put my own needs ahead of yours. I will stand by you and be the wife God has called me to be. I do not just want to be your wife I want to be your best-friend and lover.

In this prayer letter I wrote to God I asked that you be a believer in Jesus Christ. That you be rooted in the Word of God. That you be a God fearing man and not a man I have to put the fear of God in. That you not just be a hearer of the Word but also a doer of the Word! That you would be a man who would give God his time, talent and treasure for the up building of God’s Kingdom! That you would be a man who would be filled with the fruits of the spirit. That you would be strong and firm but still have a gentleness about yourself. That you would be someone who is able to admit when he is wrong. That you would be a compassionate, comforting, affectionate, patient, honest, disciplined, faithful, honorable man who I could share my life with. These are just a few of the things I prayed God will instill in you.

As your friend, wife and lover I will be the woman God has called me to be. I will submit to you, as you submit to Christ Jesus. I will honor you, in your presence and when I am not in your presence. I will display the fruits of the spirit in our courtship and marriage. I will be the wife God has called me to be. I will be honest, considerate, compassionate, comforting, affectionate, patient, faithful, and a honorable woman to you.

See I am not asking you to do or be anything I myself am not willing to do. So, as I wait for you. I plan to keep myself from this day forth, not allowing any other man entry into what has been predestined for you. I plan to keep myself for you from this day forward because it is what God requires and it is my act of love for you. While I will not be a virgin when we marry, you will be the last man to every touch me sexually. It gets hard sometimes during this waiting period but I pray my anxious will not overtake me. I pray you will do the same.

I love you and can’t wait to the day we are join together in holy matrimony.

God Bless You
Your Future Friend, Wife and Lover

This is just freaking brilliant, Melody, I mean it has heart, it has compassion, and who really thinks to write an open letter to their future husband. I heard my literary agent Lindsay say as I stood in absolute horror as she read my very personal letter to the future husband I was starting to believe will never come.

Lindsay, I thought you where in here making calls, why are you reading my personal journal entries. It is personal! It’s something that is just between me, God and the other person I wanted to read it. I found myself saying to what I knew was a brick wall that could not be torn down. I knew Lindsay had already made up in her little overworked Starbuck invested mind she was going to try and sell this to a magazine or newspaper. I had to find a way to talk her out of this. I mean the letter read like some desperate church girl letter. How could I leave me journal open? I must be a glutton for punishment. What in the heck am I going to do, there is no way I am going to let her try and sell this letter.
Earth to Melody, earth to Melody…is anyone home.

Lindsay, you can not sell this letter to anyone. It is personal for Christ sake. It is between me and my future husband. No one else! Come on Lindsay, can I wrote something to keep for myself, must I always be an open book to my readers. Gosh, I mean I share almost everything with them, they know when I am cramping, they know when I am anger, they know when am I broke, I mean they know almost everything about me.

My sweet, sweet Melody, hun, as your agent, you have not written anything close to this good in a minute. Melody, think about it for a second honey, think about all the lonely women at there praying to God for a husband, waiting on the Lord to answer their prayers. When they read the great Christian writer Melody Sweets is in the same position as they are, yes, she is beautiful and brilliant but she has the same struggles as they have as single Christian women. You know your readers would eat this right up and with that slick smile of hers she adds, who knows you may just get a husband out of this.

The purpose of the letter Lindsay was that my future husband would read it on the eve of our wedding and know I was thinking about him specific before we were joined together by our God. It is not for a brunch of lonely Christian women, God bless their lonely selves but I am tired of being there motivation, there example of everything Godly in a women. I mean dang, can I keep anything for myself!!!

While, my dear, if you do not come up with some good material I can submit to magazines and newspapers soon or finish your book, you will have a cardboard box you may keep to yourself while you sleep under the South Capitol Street bridge!

Did you have to go there?

Yes, you need to get off your high horse and start letting me submit some of these journal entries. I float the central idea of a lot of your journal entries around to some of my friends and associate in the industry, they think it is very good, in fact, one major newspaper is looking for a Christian writer to be open and honest about their walk with Christ.

The Beginning of My Destiny

2010-08-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

While a sophomore in undergraduate I took a class in Public Relations with Dr. T. Ford-Ahmed. She asked us to write an article to be submitted to a newspaper or magazine. As I think back to the assignment and the article I wrote, I see the hand of God moding me all those years ago for the day He would tell me to turn that article into a book.

Here is the article I wrote as a sophomore that in a few short months will be release as my first book.

Have you ever lived through what you believe was a nightmare? I have. I believed that the events of December 3, 1993 would haunt me forever. It would be this day that would shape the rest of my life. It would be shortly after 8:30 pm I believe when my sister’s friend would wake me up from my sleep to tell me our next door neighbor had just shot my mother, sisters, and brother. I sat up and looked at her for moment thinking, “What reason would Randy have to shoot my family.
So I returned to the warmth of my pillow and scolded her for playing a horrific game on me, “Get out of my room,” I yelled, but she would not go away. She shook me awake again, insisting I get up and call my grandmother.

I lay there listening to her try to comprehend her words for about two minutes before I heard the screaming, the sirens, the police officers and my sister’s daughter crying. I jumped to my feet, stepped outside my bedroom door and went to the top of the steps where my 1-year-old niece was standing. I took her in my arms while Kia handed me the telephone “Call your grandmother,” she told me again while taking my niece out of my arms.

While I was on the telephone, a police officer who stood at the bottom of the stairs directed me to come down so he could talk to me. I continued talking to my grandmother and yelled, “No, I’m not coming down there.” I was scared! I didn’t know of my family members’ bodies were down there or not. I kept saying no until an officer that I knew from school came in and asked me to come down. I trusted him and felt he would not allow me to see the bodies of my family. Still on the telephone, I walked cautiously down the steps. As I turned to face the officers, I saw my sister lying in our doorway bleeding. At that moment I knew my life would never be the same.

My grandmother told me she was on her way. I hung up the telephone and stood there thinking, “What could have made him do this?” Then I heard a paramedic say, “We have a black woman in her late 30s to early 40s with a gunshot would to the head, shoulder and leg.” I just dropped to my knees feeling helpless and weak. No one I knew had ever lived after being shot in the head. What would I do know? My mother! My sole purpose in life is gone! The woman who give birth to me and took care of me all my life may be dead.

At that moment, it seemed as if someone snatched my heart out of my chest and began to stomp all over it. I sat there thinking my mother meant everything to me. How could I survive in this world without here? How could this happen to my family, who I just saw alive and well hours earlier? How could this happen to me? What I did I do to deserve this?

I started to cry again. Then another one of my sister’s friends ran through the door and yelled, “Tracy is dead.” My 19-year-old pregnant sister was dead.
I went ballistic, kicking the television, screaming: My heart was completely broken. The comfort those around me tried to offer was simply not enough.

My thoughts returned to my neighbor, who had sat on the back porch with me and my family. How could he shoot them down as if they were nothing? This was too much for me to handle. I was 15-years-old and the life I had known was complete gone. I began to focus on my niece, so tiny, so innocent, precious and hopeful. How were we going to explain to her that her mother was gone and never coming back?

When I finally went outside the house of horror I found out my brother was shot in the chest and the leg and that he was on his way to the hospital.

I later found out that my mother jumped at our neighbor after he shot my sister and brother. She had to stop him from shooting her children down as if they where nothing. In the midst of them fighting for the gun, she managed to get her fingers on the trigger of the gun, shooting and killing him in the process.

All of a sudden another emotional overcame me and this time in was rage and anger. I could have shot, hit or stabbed someone in order to make them feel the pain I was experiencing at that moment. The people I loved were dead or on their way to an operating room to fight for their lives.

When I arrived at the hospital where my mother and sister were, my brother and aunt met me. They told me my mother and sister were ok and they should make a full recovery.

Another aunt called to let us know my brother, who was taken to another hospital, was also ok and should make a fully recovery. This was great to hear, but what about the emotional recovery? I thanked God for letting three members of my family survive the attacked but in the same breathe I questioned and was anger with him for allowing my sister and her unborn baby to die.

At Tracy’s funeral, I sat there feeling helpless. I could not believe the person I had grown-up with all my life was dead. She was the one I told secrets too, the one I went to when things were going wrong. Who was going to be my confidante now?

Following Tracy’s funeral I refused to admit she was dead. I could not and would not accept the fact we buried her and her baby boy, even though I had witnessed it with my own eyes. I could not accept the fact my sister and her baby were dead. My nephew never got a chance to take one breath in this world. It all seemed so unholy to me.
The months following their deaths, I walked around pretending nothing happened. I convinced myself she had only moved way and she would be back one day. I did everything the same as always. I went to school, talked on the telephone, went out with my friends and had fun like a normal teenage girl.

One day as I sat in the school auditorium, Tracy walked across the front of the stage. I was so happy, thinking, smugly to myself, “I knew she wasn’t dead; I knew she would be back.” But then, poof, she was gone. The person I saw was a classmate of mine and not Tracy. Tears of anger rushed down my cheeks. I wanted my sister back. I wanted to hold my nephew.

My friends took me to the counselor’s office but instead of talking, the counselor sent me home. She called my mother and told her what happened and suggested she take me to see a psychologist. I would start see a psychologist once a week for a year and a half I was still feeling the void left by the loss of my sister and nephew and thought no amount of counseling was going to full it.

It seemed like the more I tried to deal with it the worse I got. One night I walked into my bathroom looked in the medicine cabinet and decided to end all my pain. I could not take being without my sister any longer. I took some pills that were my mother’s and went to lie in my bed. But suddenly a voice in my head told me I did not want to die, I wanted to live and get through this.

I got up and called my father. He immediately came and rushed me to the emergency room, where I drank some black stuff that looked and tasted like charcoal.
This was undoubtedly one of my darkest hours. As I lay in the hospital psych ward in nothing but a hospital gown, I wondered what I did to make God abandon me when I needed Him the most. Was I an evil child? Is this why he took my sister and nephew away from me? I had lost my faith in God. When people would tell me he does everything for a reason, I thought, “What was His reason for taking Tracy? Why should I turn to Him?”

I was still trying to cope with my sister’s death and the multiple shootings of my family, when one of my friends was killed in a car accident. His funeral was at the same mortuary where Tracy’s was held. I replayed her funeral all over again in my head. This was too much for me. Why was I losing the people I cared about? What could I do about it? Nothing!

I was even more depressed than before. I thought nothing or no one could help me through this. Death appeared to hold a vigil at my door. Some moths later another friend was killed and then another. Every month it seemed like someone I knew was dying and all I could so was cry. Death was all around me.

I could not escape it; I knew God had it out for me. He simply did not love me any more. What was left? I attempted suicide again. I tried to overdose on some pills that I found. I lay in my bed and prepared myself for my death. When I closed my eyes I thought, “The pain is over, you can rest easy now.” I woke up the next morning to my disgust and wondered why God kept me here. If He did not love me, I wanted Him to let me go.

That is when my grandmother told me “God was not ready for my yet and He had a plan for me. You may not know what it is right now,” she said quietly and confidentially, “but He will let me know when the time is right.”

That same day my mother gave me her Bibles with some passages highlighted to read. I sat there in my bed and wondered if they were telling the truth about God never really abandoning me. Had I abandoned Him and His Word instead?
I finally did what everyone had been encouraging me to do. I got on my knees and asked God for His help.

Psalm 23 would ministry to me on many days when I felt like life was too much. I would try and read it everyday because it brought me comfort. I believed the Lord was my Shepherd; I shall not want. I started to believe God walks with you in your time of need; all you have to do is call on Him. I believed, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will feel no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and staff comfort me.”

Things started to look up for me. I begin to think about my future again and what I wanted to do with my life. Suicide was not the answer any more because I had God on my side and I knew it. I made a promise to myself, my family, my sister and my God that no matter how hard things got, I would never try to commit suicide again.
Months after making this promise, I came home from school to find out my brother Ronnie was murdered in the same alley where Tracy was murder only two and a half years earlier. He had been shot several times and no one knew who did this to him. All the pain I felt when Tracy was killed came rushing back. I asked God why He didn’t let Ronnie die that night with Tracy and the baby if He was going to let him die now. Why did I have to go through this again?

Suicide was not an option so I turned to alcohol to ease my pain. I was 17-years-old when my birthday was murdered, it was two weeks before my 18th birthday.
I was drunk at Ronnie’s funeral. I could not take being at that funeral home again. I sat there looking at my brother in the casket and wondering why? Not knowing who sis this to him was killing me inside.

The more pain and hurt I felt, the more I drank. I went on a four month drinking binge. It would take me looking in the mirror one day and realizing this is not who I wanted to be, so I returned to my God and asked for help.

Since the murders of my siblings I have watched many of the people I have grown up with are buried but I have tried with everything in me to lean on the Lord. I would loss two very dear friends to violent deaths.

The last 12 years of my life have been an emotional rollercoaster but when I submit to the will of God, is when I found peace in the midst of the storm. I used to believe I would never be happy. I used to believe inner peace was never gone to be mine. But the moment I let go and give it all to God, He begin to heal my broken heart. He begins to make me over in His glorious image from the inside out.

Healing, faith and deliverances are what From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father is all about. It’s about how I tried to make it through the storm without God and how He time and time again saved me, not only from other people but from myself.

God Bless!
Ryane

Dream Deferred- Wait

2010-07-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

In the book of Habakkuk the prophet is told by the LORD, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald (or so that whoever reads it) may run with it. The LORD also tells him, ‘the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”

I do not know if you all have heard this saying, “vision comes before provision. God has given me a vision and He has implanted in my heart a desire to encourage, uplifted, inspire and share through writing the love of Christ Jesus. some years ago as I prayed about my future and the plans that God had for me, it was revealed to me I would be a written and the first book I would write would be about my journey to a fulfilling relationship with God. The revelation I received was to write. Write books, short stories, articles and this blog. So, for the last four years I have been writing and working on my first book From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father. This is the first book God has given me to write and I have completed the book, now I wait for the provision to self-publish.

It seems this year I made up my mind to publish the book finally. I sat a release date of May, but because of financially setbacks I had to push it back to August, which will know not happen; because even more financially hardships. The last couple of weeks I have found myself questioning God about the plans for my life. Had I really heard Him correctly that His plans for me was to be a Christian writer or was there a misinterpretation on my part. If so, what were His plans for my life? Was I operating in the spiritual gifts, talents, abilities He has given me?

I need to know if I was on the right path. I need the LORD to tell me if I was in His perfect will with this writing dream or was I still trying to get things in His permissive will as I have done in the past.

The answer to my questions came in the form of another thought for a book called The Righteous Man. It also came in an couple of emails sent to my personal email account about the blogpostings. How they had inspired, encouraged and helped the reader to stay on the path God was leading them on.

There was still apart of me questions God about the struggle of publishing this book and about the overall struggles 31-years on this earth has shown me. Was I meant to struggle through this life? Not so, according to what God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then there is what Jesus told the people of why He came in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

So, if I am on the path God wants me on and His Word tells me, He has plans to prosper, to give life and give it more abundantly then where is my book deal or the $8,000.00 I need to self-publish.

Which takes me back to what God told the prophet Habakkuk, “the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”

Here is what I must remember as I continue to work on my writing and wait on the LORD, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” My time will come because I know “…he who began a good work in me (you) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I have the vision and I continue to work on it, as I wait for the provision ($8,000.00 needed to publish first book) to be sent my way. Habakkuk said, “ 1I will stand on my guard post; And station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me.”

What will the LORD answer be to my request for provision to publish the book (vision); He has given me. I will let you know! Numbers 23:19-20 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.

Those who wait on the LORD will never be disappointed!

God Bless!!!

Mind Games

2010-06-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

I would like to continue to share with you about my Thursday morning crying-out session with God. During my crying-out session I found my thoughts drifting to a place that I used to go when life’s pressure seem too much for me to bear. My mind went to a place I used to go when things felled completely apart. Suicide!

As the thought came to my conscience mind; it came with the thoughts “nothing in your life is going right anyway, why, continue on. Why, continue serving a God who is not answering you? Why, continue to try to be faithful and obedient to a God, who is making you suffer? You have been praying for almost five years for God to change things and work things out for you. What has He done for you but tell you to wait and trust Him? How long are you suppose to wait for Him?

I remember what 1 Peter 5:8, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I remembered the devil’s mission in John 10:10a, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”

It was then that my thoughts went to what David said, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” I begin to quote Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” I changed my thoughts from despairing thoughts to thoughts of hope as I remembered the goodness of the LORD. It was God who promised me and my cousin Tonya (God rest her soul) a restored, saved and joyous family. I have seen in the past 18 months my family come together more and more in fellowship and love. This August we will take a family trip together the first one ever, in which over 90 percent of the family will be in attendance. I count that a blessings from God. I told myself, just because things are not happening the way I want them too does not mean God is not working to fulfill His promises. For He told Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways… so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

I lifted up my head, wiped my eyes and continue to encourage myself in the LORD. “This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army (problems, trials and situations). For the battle is not yours, but God's.”

I know during trying times we can be tempted to go back to our old habits of coping or dealing with the trials of life, suicide which is permanent is not the answer (it does not hurt you but those you love and is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit). Then there is trying to drink your problem away, sex it away (if you are not married), drug it away or whatever temporary fix that does not lead to God’s way of dealing with the situations in your life. When life comes at you hard and fast as it will sometimes, you have to “lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” and trust God to bring you out.

Two scriptures that I always help me when the mind attacks come are Hebrews 13:5b, “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’.” The other is Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” I also look to back over past victories God has won for me, which also reassures me He is going to come through on my behalf again.

So, no matter what problems you are facing rest assure God is working behind the scenes to bring you out in total victory. Do not give up just keep on trusting Him for He is able to make the impossible possible for you. He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper and not to harm.
Be blessed and know God is able!!!

Test Are Necessary

2010-06-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday was a very hard morning for me. As I continue to look to the LORD for answers to my current situation and future plans, I found myself spiritual frustrated with God. I found myself crying out like the old saints and prophets. Wanting to know, “why do the wicked and ungodly prosper so freely and things/life seem so easy for them.”

Her e I am a child of an All-Knowing, Powerful Father and it seems at every turn for me there is a problem or situation. I sat on the edge of my bed that Thursday morning crying and scream at God to answer me, to talk to me; begging and pleading with Him to answer the concerns of my heart. As I continue to sit there crying and crying out to my Heavenly Father, I heard nothing from Him. I got up from my bed wiped my face and told the LORD, “I trusted Him and would continue to seek Him for answers no matter what.” It was then in my silence I felt the need to play Marvin Sapp’s song "Marvin Sapp Not The Time, Not The Place." The lyric say:

This is not the time for giving up,
this is not your place where you should be,
not the time or the place to lie in defeat,
you got to hold on, you got be strong.

This is not not the time to question your faith,
this is not your place of destiny,
it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel,
you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.

Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose,
it's apart of life that everyone goes through.

Sometimes there's joy,
sometimes there's pain,
that's apart of God's plan,
it is His own plan.

I know it was God’s way of encouraging me to be steadfast in Him. As I fastforward to Sunday morning, it was my time to read (Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren) and my time in the Word of God. I thought I would read the Psalms, since they spoke to what I was feeling at the time. As I read Psalm 27, I heard Galations 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Then I heard Job, so I went to the book of Job the first chapter and read verses 21-22. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”

I knew in my heart God had not left me, for in His Word He says, “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So, I knew God had not left me during the last 18 or so months as I faced illness, death of love ones, lossing my job, unemployment, mounting bills, family concerns and financial adversity. I lefted the house Sunday morning reassured God will provided for me. I made my way to Sunday morning Worship Service and decided to listen to what has become my Sunday morning song “My Soul Is Anchored In The Lord”. I let the lyrics of the song reassure me and encourage to continue to trust in the LORD.

Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared

But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.
But if the storms don't cease,
But in case the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

Since, I operate my church’s sound system, I try to get to Worship Service at least 20 minutes early to prepare, so that I am not rush or unable to fully participate in Praise and Worship. When I arrived at church I sat in the sound room looking through the bullentin to see who was preaching and who would be liturgist for the service. Our Lay Leader would be preaching the message (which I am always excited to hear wha God has revealed to him, it is always a journey through the Word of God when he speaks). My eyes got very big when I saw the scripture he would use as His guiding scripture through the message (Job 1:6-12 “Job First Test).

It’s an amazing thing when God sends an confirming Word. I was sitting there thinking, “it was a reason God lead me to Job chapter 1 this morning and He was about to use our Lay Leader to tell me why.” The title of His sermon was “It Is Just A Test” but what I heard was “my dear child, Ryane, this is just a test do not despair.” I thought about what Galations 6:9.

I am here to tell you my brothers and sisters in Christ, as I was told on yesterday, IT IS JUST A TEST. God has not left you to die (spiritual, mental or physical) in your current situation or problem. I would like to share with you the three major test God puts us through reasons for testing that was shared with me.

1. God test our hearts.(That our hearts maybe purified in Him) 1 Chronicles 29:17a

2. God test our faith. (When faith is test, it is for us to become strong in the Lord and develop patience) James 1:2-3

3. God Test our obedience. (From time to time God will test our obedience) Exodus 16:4

If we view the testing phrase as God removing those thing/people out of our lives that were not suppose to be there.

Be blessed and know the LORD sees what you are going through and He will come through for you, so stay in faith.

The Waiting Process

2010-06-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

The Waiting Process

It has been my experience that no one really likes to wait for anything. I will be the first to admit I can be very impatient. This journey with God has truly shown me I am not the most patient person in the world. But just imagine you were in King David’s shoes, one day you are out in the fields tending to your father’s sheep and the next moment you are being anointed king over God’s people. Here is the kicker, you have the promise from God that you will be king over His people but you have to wait. See if King David was anything like Ryane, he would have had some questions for God and God’s prophet Samuel. (See 1 Samuel 16 for more details)

Many Bible historians and scholars estimate that King David waited over 20 years to take over the kingship. I do not know about you but 20 years is a very long time to wait for a promise to be fulfilled. Over the last three years I have been waiting on the promises of God to manifest in my life. I can’t say that I have really been waiting patiently on the LORD. I have been waiting in frustration, sometimes anger, and sometimes in tears for the LORD to fulfill His promises to me about my future in Him. It is after the tears, frustration, anger and cry out that God has gently guiding me to a more patience me.

With my life being turned upside down, inside out this last year and God restating and making new promises, I have had to really had to open myself to clearly hear what God is saying to me about the promises He has made to me. Which took me to the book of Job and King David’s life? King David’s life and how he handled the waiting process.

What I found was King David trusted God during this process? He had faith in God to fulfill His promises. God told the prophet Isaiah, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. So, King David knew God could be trusted. I had to look back of my experiences with God and see the times He brought me out of a situation or fulfilled a promise He made to me. As I did that it made it easier to trust in God doing the waiting process.

Then there were the people and situations God had to remove out of David’s life. One night about three years ago, God told me not everyone could go on this next journey with me and being the child that I am. I asked an All Knowing God, why? To which he responded, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." The situation I faced was walking away from a cozy job that paid the bills and left money for fun. Last year I set a date to leave my job on September 30, 2009 would be my last day. Can I tell you all God knows us completely, King David put it this way in Psalm 139, “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O LORD.” God knew full well, I was comfortable at that job and I was not going to leave on September 30, 2009. It was in June 16, 2009 I got a call telling me I was being let go from my position. Which let me know God knows us better then we know ourselves, so sometimes He has to remove people out of our lives and remove us from situations.

I have learned a lot from the waiting process of King David, enough to write a whole book but I will leave you with two more things I learned and that I have applied to my waiting process. God uses this time to prepare you for what He has already prepared for you. My name is already been placed on the best seller list by God but through this blog, other writings, classes and reading other authors books & stories He is preparing me. Like King David, Ryane and you also, have to go through a season of preparation. During this season of preparation doors will open for you to learn more, to grow deeper in your spiritual journey with God. You have to understand during the preparation season there are some test, trials, adversities, and difficult but if you remember God will never leave you, nor will He forsake you and keep your eyes on God nothing will be impossible for you. All the promises God made you will be yours!

The last thing but the most important thing was King David praised God all through out his waiting process. This is one thing I have learnt to do and I encourage everyone to do also. Never forget to thank God and praise Him for all He has done in your life. If you take an honest look at your life there is something to thank Him for. Learning how to praise God during the rough times of your life is very important. There is this saying, when the praises go up the blessings come down. Your praise is a beautiful melody in the eyes of the LORD.

Friendship

2010-05-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading a book called “Praying the Heart of David” by Emner Towns. As I was reading about the friendship that existed between David and Jonathan, I thought about my own friends. I have become friends with folks I never thought in a million years, would I call them a friend. But when the friendship is in the will of God, it not only will happen but the friendship will always blossom.

One of my friends I know for sure God has purposed and ordained our friendship because there is no way I would have picked her. But to know her is to truly love her. At first glance she is LOUD and it could be said, she is a little obnoxious and all the way crazy. But she is always caring and always loving. She is that friend you can talk to without always be interrupted. We all need a friend who will just listen.

The Word of God says in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.” I can truly say that during these rough times my friends have been the greatest. There have been days where I was not the most upbeat person to be around or the most pleasant. But they know me and love me for just who I am.

Then there are the friends I hung out with in clubs or at house gatherings and we drank and enjoyed ourselves. These same friends encouraged me to go after all my dreams. When I gave my life to Christ, they were still there encouraging me along as I journeyed to a closer walk with God. It was these friends who did not push when I turned down drank offers or I said no to going out. They understand and did not attempt to change my mind nor did they throw my past activities in my face.

So, if you have good friends who encourage you to do what is right, who are always there for you (though they maybe far away, as the case with some of my friends), loves you for who you are and prayers with you and for you, consider yourself blessed. No, even better, consider yourself divinely favored by God.

Don't Count Me Out

2010-04-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

I am a lover of the arts! The arts help us express our emotions, feelings and it can let a person into what we are going through in a particular season of our lives. I especially love songs written by the people who performing them. The add such a power to them when the person knows the love, joy, pain, hurt and struggle of the lyrics they are singing. With that being said, I do believe songs written for other people can be sung with power.

A poet on open mic night performing one of there pieces, it can be something of beauty to watch them, their facial expressions, the hand movement and the delivery of the piece. The dancer taking an original piece of choreography and presenting it for the first time, you can see the energy, love and care it took the dancer to put every movement together.

The arts in of itself can be a very challenging field to pursue as a career. Many put all they have into their particular craft and some die still pursuing their dreams. History has shown many artists especially painters were not acknowledged for their brilliance until after their deaths. I wonder to myself at times do I have it in me to pursue this writing career with the same passion many before me have exhibit. In honest I must admit there are times when I question my own passion and talent. I am a microwave baby I want everything done in two minutes with as little effort as possible. However, this self-proclaim microwave baby is being taught a very valuable lesson by God. He is teaching me the talents and gifts, He has given me needs to be nurtured. Other lessons I am learning are humility and anything you want to accomplish in this world you have to work for it and earn it.

I think about the labor of love many writers, painters, dancers, actors, screenwriters, poets, sings and musicians put into their crafts. I sometimes find myself wondering and asking God, “is this worthy it.” Do I continue to pursue this writing career or just give up and settle into a nice job somewhere for the next 30 years then enjoy my retirement? It is in these moments God sends me to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So, I continue to write, pray and know the plans God has for my life will manifest in His timing.

The last sentence can sometimes be hard, very hard to do. The waiting process is not the easiest process to go through. As I get ready to release my first book entitled From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to my Heavenly Father, I have an excitement and joy, knowing the LORD is working His plan for my life.

Marvin Sapp has a couple of songs on his new CD that just have been ministering to me. I believe God instructed him to release these songs just for me. (I am crazy enough to believe it, you guys) Songs like Don’t Count Me Out, His Hands Are On You, Comfort Zone, Here I Am and The Best In Me. It is like they scream Jeremiah 29:11 and say Ryane stay focus on God’s plan! I listen to these songs just about everyday. I find my encouragement to continue to write and pursue the plans God has for my life. The writing career, the work God has just for Ryane Belynda Nickens and all the other promises God has made to me.

I especially love Don’t Count Me Out. The lyrics say:

Left alone but never forgotten*
Misunderstood but my future is just starting
God is molding me and making me
He's building me and shaping me
A king {Queen} is being formed right in front of your eyes
So don't count me out

So don't count me out
When you don't see what He sees
You can't tell but His glory is resting on me
I'm His choice
I'm after his heart
The unveiling is starting now

To all those who God has gifted with a specific talent or promise, I encourage you to continue to do what God has put on your heart. Continue to work the plan God has given you, in due season, if you do not give up, you will most certainly reap a harvest for your time spent sowing in whatever God has you doing. I am going to borrow my Pastor Sermon title from this past Sunday, which was “Never Give Up On God Because God Will Never Give Up On You.”

A Call To Love

2010-04-22T08:04:00.001-07:00

As I look at the news and read the news websites, my heart often weeps for our world. You hear so much about the hate and violence that has claimed so many lives across the world that it makes you sick to your stomach. I find myself sometimes asking God, why is this happening. How could someone hurt a sweet innocent baby? How could you hate a whole race or culture you do not know? Is it really that easy to step on a plane, train or shopping center and blow up innocent people? Is it that easy to take a gun and gunned down innocent people because you feel like life has hand you a bad deal?

These are some of the questions I present to God when I hear about things like the mass shooting here in Washington, DC that took the lives of five young people or the death and rape of another child at the hands of a child molester. I sit back and think, “Where are we as a group of people that we do not love and respect each other?” Did we loss our humanity or did we never fully have it to begin with?

I know many Christians say, we are not supposed to question God that is a huge no no. My question to them is how do I get answers from God if I did not present my questions to Him. I look at many of the prophets in Bible times who asked God questions about specific things. The prophet Habakkuk had questions He presented to God and they were answered. So, I believe I can present my question before an All-Knowing God and get answers also.

When go before the LORD with these questions, two words are brought to my mind and spirit forgiveness and love. I was talking to my sister a couple of weeks ago about forgiveness, she told me when you have been hurt to the degree she has, forgiving is a very hard thing to do. I shared with her how freeing it can be to forgive those who have hurt you because the forgiveness is not truly for them but for you. I tried to explain to her when un-forgiveness is left uncheck it holds you in bondage to your emotional and to people. God does not want us in bondage. In His Word it says, who the Son sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36) She continued to talk about all the reason she could not forgive the people who had hurt her. I told her you have to deal with the problems head on and talk to God about them and the people who have wronged you, you have to make peace with these situations or they will kill you emotionally and physically, our conversation end with her hanging up on me then not picking up her telephone when I called her back.

I share this conversation I had with my sister because we have to get to a place of forgiveness. I know it is hard, it was hard for me to forgive the man who molested me, it was heard to forgive the people who take the lives of my love ones, and it was hard for me to forgive myself for having an abortion but I had too. I had to forgive because it was the only I could truly love. The only way I could truly love myself, my family, my friends and my neighbor.

Take all your pain, anger, frustration and hurt to God. Tell Him all about it, then when God opens an opportunity talk with the person who hurt you about the situation that caused the pain. When you deal with the situation you will find yourself at that place of forgiveness and letting go.

Forgiveness opens you up to love and “love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

I believe God is calling us into prayer for our family, friends, neighbors, elected officials and this world. It is a call to the body of Christ to pray and go out and tell a dying world about a Savior who looks beyond our faults to our needs. I know there are some pure evil people out here but I also believe some people have let life experiences turn their hearts cold. There is a saying, “hurt people, hurt people.”

I love the fact God sent me to a Bible teaching and believing church. My Pastor in his sermon this pass Sunday encouraged us to continue the work of Jesus Christ and go out evangelize and disciple folks. This is what Jesus Christ’s earthly ministry was about bringing people to the Father, healing them from the hurt, suffering and pain.

So, when I present my questions before God about the ills of this world. His answer to me is pray, show my love, and telling the people about a God who is able to heal their brokenness.

For the greatest commandment is to 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' (Matthew 22:36-39)

The Waiting Process

2010-04-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

On Monday morning I found myself sitting in my apartment in tears, feeling like the many trials I am facing was just going to consume me at that point. I sat, cried and talking with my God. I asked Him why so much pain in my life? From my teenagers years upward I have known pain intimately. It seem at times that pain would always be apart of my life.

As I sat Monday morning my soul was crying out to my heavenly Father, how much longer will I have endure pain and lack. I tried to distract myself by getting on facebook but there was no running from this thing. I got on and saw my mentor was online, so I asked her to pray for me, telling her I was just feeling so down. So, she said, “lets go for a ride.” God knows just want you need when you need it.

While I was getting ready, God begin to minister to me; reminding me, my timing and His timing are two different things. Then one of my favorite songs came to me, reminding me God can be trusted. I love Faithful Is Our God by Hezekiah Walker, the lyrics say, “Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God; I'm reaping the harvest God promised me; Taking back what the devil stole from me; And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all; Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all. I truly believe I will reap the harvest God has promised. It’s just sometimes the waiting process can truly be a hard one.

I was reminded of what David said in Psalm 37:7, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” As I thought about folks who were not following the LORD and not trying to walk in the plans He has for their lives. I thought how prosperous it seems they are, how it is not a struggle for them to get their books published, their finances in order and working the plans they have for their lives.

I must say God did a lot of reminding me of things on Monday. He reminded me I was living for an eternal glory and not just things or to be popular. He reminded me things would not always be easy. That He was my Provider, my Shield, my Refuge and everything I need could be find in Him. I was reminded that God’s blessings come with no curses.

As the LORD took me through His Word, I realized, He had dropped these scriptures into my spirit weeks ago. Like Number 23:19, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” and Psalm 23:1 “The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Sometimes I (we) need to be reminded that God is not a man that He should lie. That He is faithful to keep His promises to us. I (we) also need to realize God is not on my (our) schedule. He may not arrive at the time and place I (we) want Him too but He will arrive at the time and place He has scheduled in His book of life. The book that has everyday of my life in it!

I spent the rest of the day with my mentor talking things out and listening. She reminded me, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

So, I encouraged myself with the Word of God knowing “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 I had to also remind myself of what Paul said in Galatians 6:9, Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right. 2 Thessalonians 3:13

LORD Is My Shepherd

2010-04-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

Last night as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep, Psalm 23:1 came to my thoughts. It says, “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” After I read it I just continue to repeat it, then the need to read Isaiah 55 came. Then I was lead to Matthew 6: 25-34, it was during this reading I begin to think back to a 3:00 a.m. wake up call from the LORD back in July of 2009. The LORD had wake me up and lead me through Deuteronomy 28, Psalm 23, Isaiah 55, Matthew 6:25-34 and ending with Hebrews 11:1.

This was the order I read the scripture in that earlier morning back in July of 2009. But last night the LORD started with Psalm 23:1, I now understanding why, as I sit here writing this blog post, I know God started with Psalm 23:1 because I had to believe and trust in Psalm 23:1 to full grasp what He was trying to get to me in the rest of the scriptures.

See, after the LORD lead me through the scripture back in July, He said, “the doors of Heaven are open ask for what ever you want and it will be given to you.” One of the things I asked for was salvation for my family. This week I found myself before the LORD daily praying and praising Him for my family salvation. I have been feeling like something miraculous is about to occur. I can not really put in words this feeling I have had all week long. It’s like a kid on Christmas Eve, knowing that his/her parents got them just what they asked for but they have to wait to get the gifts. That excitement has been so overwhelming in me this week, knowing God is on the verge of doing some wonderful things in the life of my family. I am that kid on Christmas Eve just wanting to un-wrap the gifts but knowing I have to wait for the Father.

I am patiently waiting, working, praying and praising God during this time for I know the storm clouds are rescinding and the peace of the LORD is coming over my family. The faith I have in God has been tested to say the least these last three years. In the last three years I have wanted to walk away, I have been depressed, I have felt like no one understand what I was going through, discouragement was at a all time high, the call the LORD has placed on my life was in doubt, and the promising God had made me were in doubt. But thanks be to an awesome God, who provides sustaining grace and He has taught me that I can have peace in the midst of my storm. He has taught me through experiences with Him, I can trust Him no matter what with everything concerning me. Cause He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will lead me through the valley of the shadow of death and no harm will come to me. For He is my Father and He is my peace!

I am at a place where I can say, “What you (enemy) meant for evil, God is working it out for my good.” During the last three years my relationship with Christ has deepened, my resolve to work the plan He has for my life has only intensified, my prayer life is better then ever, and my faith and trust in God to be my every thing is stronger than ever and growing. I know for sure He is my Healer, Deliverer, Provider, Comforter and my Peace!

I can’t help but to look back over my life, my life apart from God and my life with God. I am so thankful for all He has done. The other night I was talking to my sister and she said, “Ryane you are strong.” This has been something I heard the LORD saying over the last three years, you are stronger then what you think you are. Father, I hear you and I know it is because of Your love and sustaining grace that I am. It is that same sustaining grace I know is available to my family.
As I wait and watch the LORD fulfill His promises, I rejoice knowing He can always be trusted. Knowing that The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Seeking God (Except from my forthcoming book: From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father)

2010-03-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

So I would return home a couple of months after my graduation. It was not easy trying to find a job especially in the field I wanted to pursue. I became completely and utterly frustrated. I was told good résumé but you need more experience for this market. I was so dejected I slipped back into a depression. I was doing temporary work in place of a real job. It just felt like I had failed. I had done everything they say you have to do to succeed. They said go to college. I went. They said do internships. I did that. They said get involved in campus activities that will help you in your career. I did that, too. They said to network with people already in your field. I did that, too. I did everything I was advised to do and still did not have a job in my chosen field. I was so depressed that my hair started to fall out and my waistline start to expand. I just felt like school was a total waste if I could not get a job in my field. I remembered the preacher at A.P. Shaw. I went to church again with the same results. But I was not ready to give my life to Christ. Even after praying for a Pastor and realizing that God had answered my prayers with Pastor Lyles.

I was so down at this point, but I remembered who had gotten me through so many other difficult situations. GOD! So after months of wallowing in pity I went back to A.P. Shaw again thinking, “Surely this man was not the real deal” with so many self-appointed preachers out here I still questioned if what I was feeling was real. Again, I went to A.P. Shaw and again something in my spirit felt good and I heard God’s Word, but I still wanted to do what Ryane wanted to do. I wanted to come to God ready and at that point and time. I was not ready. But what I learned was when you wait to get right before you go to God, you probably never will. Go to Him as you are and He will cleanse you. It says in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. So, do not wait until you get yourself together but go to him as you are and He through His Word will transform you. He will change the way you think, the way you talk, heck He will even change the way you walk. He will building in you a new creature.

Then one day in August as I sat on the couch doing nothing, this feeling came over me. It was like I was sitting back watching flashes of my life. I begin to think about all the hell I had been through. The night my sister was murdered came to me, and I remembered the pain I felt when they told me she was dead. I remembered the utter hopelessness I felt after learning my mother had been shot with my other sister and brother. I remembered how scared I was the night my brother’s friend came into my bedroom and began to violate my innocence. Yet, another thought came to me when I sat in the mental ward at P.G. County Hospital after yet another failed suicide attempt. I could not help but ask God why, was I thinking about these things. Why? Then, another thought came to me it was the day my sister told me my brother was dead. I thought about his funeral. I thought about all the friends and neighbors who had been murdered. I thought about all the nights I cried myself to sleep. Then, another memory came to me, this time it was of a happier time. I thought about my college graduation. It was a long, hard road to get to that day, but I believed God’s hand was on me the entire ride. It was then I heard, COME HOME. After this moment I decided if I was going to keep on waiting until Ryane was ready or was prepared, then I would probably never be ready. So, I decided I was going to church that Sunday and I was going to give my life back to Christ. I say give it back to Christ because it was His anyway scripture tells us in Jeremiah that, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”

I really didn’t have any more excuses anyway. I could not say anything about me not feeling the preacher because I actually did feel the Word of God. That excuse was out the window. Then, my other excuse was time and school, well school was over and all I had was time on my hands. The other excuse was church people, we know how church people can be, but I really was not concerned about that, another excuse gone out the window. So when I sat there and had my discussion with God, I knew it was time to come home. I went to service that Sunday morning determined to give my life to Christ, and I did. My sister Renee rededicated her life to Christ that day. I was happy with my choice. I chose life.

Wait and Work

2010-03-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Last night I was already to write about my bout with depression but this morning as I awoke another word beginning with the letter d came to my mind and persistent even as I begin to workout. Discouragement! In my Wednesday Bible Study class we started discussing defeating discouragement. The author of our Bible Study book Journey Into Overcoming: Rising Above Life’s Toughest Problems stated, “all of us have bouts with discouragement.”

In the five years of being on this journey with God, I have had discouraging moments. Moments where I wanted to walk away and some where I have walked away only to have God place me back in the situation to deal with it. On this journey with God one can find themselves discouraged by the promises/assignments they know God has given them. I know for me God promised in the first year of our journey He would restore my family and bring salvation. It is year five and only three family members have given their lives to Christ and one has walked completely away denounce Christ and accepting another Savior. So, I have had some questions for the LORD over these last five years and to my questions they LORD has said, “my ways are not your ways neither are my thoughts your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8

Then the LORD gave an assignment one was to write this blog. As the assignment came I gave God all the excuses in the world why I could not possible do it.

The writing assignment meant I would have to share very personal information about myself with people I do not even know and to that I told God, NO. There was no way I was sharing my personal struggles with a brunch of strangers and putting it on the internet for the world to access when ever they want, nah, He was going to have to find me another assignment, purpose and redesign His plans for my life because I was not going to do it. I know I made God laugh! I had expend all that energy telling God what I was not going to do only to find myself creating this blog on Saturday November 3, 2007. My first post was a greeting that posted at 9:27 p.m. which is significant to me because it is my birthday.

As I wrote the blog these last four years I get discourage from time to time because I believe more people should be following, reading and responding to the post. I can sometimes get caught up in numbers and forget that I should rejoice when one is encouraged to continue on the journey with God. That if I only have one follower then the one is who God has called me to share with and encourage.

My teacher/mentor shared with the class the principle of sowing and reaping. In Galatians 6: 7b-10, “A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

Because God’s timing is not our time we may not see the fruits of our labor when we want to see them; but I have learned if I keep doing what it is I know God has called me to in due season, I will reap the harvest God has promised. When I started writing this blog, God promised to make my name known to many nations. Can I tell you He is fulfilling His promise? I receive email responses to the blog post from someone in China. While I do not understand the responses, I do know the hand of God is leading and directing me to the place He wants me to be and not where I think I ought to be. There is a line in one of Kirk Franklin songs where he thanks God for not giving him too much too soon.

As I wait and work for the Lord to fulfill all the promises to me, I know discouraging moments may arise. The lesson on Defeating Discouragement we are study now the author started with this sentence: “Discouragement is one of the most effective weapons in the Evil One’s arsenal. We have to remember God’s promises are real and we have to remember His timing is not our timing. “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.” Numbers 23:19-20

A couple of weeks ago God give me this scripture and it blessed my soul. It’s from Habakkuk 2:1,3 that is helping me to work and waiting on the LORD to fulfill. “I will climb my watchtower now, and wait to see what answer God will give to my complaint. But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!”

Unfamiliar Ground

2010-03-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

“One of the things that attracted me to Yvette was the way she was not afraid to praise God,” my cousin’s husband shared this with my two Christmas ago. That same Christmas he gave me a book by T.D. Jakes entitled Promises from God for Single Women. Admittedly, I have only open the book sporadically over the last two years but I opened it last night to the first page of the relationship section and found some useful words there.

See God knows what you need to hear and when you need to hear it. He has many modes to get it too you but the spirit has got to be willing to accept correction, rebuke and discipline from the LORD, because it is always given in love. He knows that I am struggling with an issue about a certain relationship at this point in my life.

Last night as I read the first sentence which states, “Do you need to have it your way, or no way?” The answer is heck yeah! For so many years I controlled and set the ground rules for all my relationships with men. I decided how far things would go and I decided when it would end with no warning to them. I had no problem walking away from them and the situation. But there have been two men in my life that I have not been able to just walk away from. One I knew since I was a teenager. The love I shared with him was special and unique. He was the first man to break through the cold and closed heart I once had. He was completely honest with me and always called me on my mess. I loved him for that and it was one of the reasons I had fallen in love with him. He told me the things I need to hear and not what I wanted to hear. I was prepared to deal with and face many things with him but he was killed in March of 2004.

In May of 2007 the second man would enter my life and here is where my struggle lies. Maybe, I need to disclose some things about myself before I get into the second man and the struggles and ultimate what I heard God speaking into my heart last night.

I am a daddy’s girl! There is absolutely nothing my dad would not do for me or my siblings. He has been my prince charming for the last 31 years of my life and treated me like a princess. The other men in my life such as my Granddad James and my brothers (especially my eldest brother) have always been there to provide for me. I never had to want for much of anything the last 31 years of my life. If I can be perfectly honest even the women in my life have spoiled me (my mom and cousin). I have always been given their time, attention, love, and material things. Thus I am a spoiled brat, yes, at 31 years of age, I am still spoiled rotten. I still believe things should go my way and people should be there when I want them too. Which is one of the problems I have with man two, he is not always there when I want him to be. Something I am totally not use too at all.

I went into this not expected much from man two but the normal things that are a given, to be respected and treated well. Which he did without a problem? He was many things I wanted in a man and still is. In the early portion of the getting to know you game, I was still dating around. I was in my twenties and not looking for a husband. I was also in my second year of my journey with God. As I think back to the earlier dates we had, one thing that impressed me about him was that he would pray for both of us before each meal. Which had never happen to me on a date before, which I thought was refreshing?

As I enter year five on this journey with God, I have learned He has away of getting you to face your past so that you can move into your future. In past dealings with men I could walk away with no problems. But with man two, I have been unable to completely breakaway from him. It is not due too lack of trying. Over the last three years I have walked away from months at a time only to find myself drawing back to him for some reasons or another. I have inquired of the LORD many times why can’t I just walk away from this man once and for all. I thought two Thursday ago I would just leave this thing alone and even went as far as to say, I heard God telling me to walk away from the situation. I can sometimes hear what I want to hear when I do not want to deal with things. I was all set to delete his number from my phone, delete his email address from my contact list and delete him from my facebook friends list that Friday, as I was praying about something else, I did hear God emphatically telling me not to delete any of the information. Clear as day, I heard, “how many times have you deleted his information only to put it back. Leave it there is what I heard.”

I hate to admit this but a conversation I had with one of my friends/Sister in Christ about man two came to my remembrance. She told me it was time to be a big grown woman and face this thing head on, allowing God to handle the situation and letting His perfect will be done. With all my craziness and me attitude, I know what God has for me is just for me. That includes the man He has just for me. I do not have to master mind anything or demand anything from a person. God will indeed work this thing out and if me and man two are meant to just be friends, being in a committed relationship, or be nothing to each other I am ready to accepted the lessons and experience God wants me to face in this situation because I know I will be better for having gone through it.

God reminding me last night through His Word in Amos 3:3, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? The rest of what T.D. Jakes wrote was this, “How can you have a healthy relationship when you want to call all the shots? Listen to me-it is vital that you are clear about one very important ingredient in a relationship: both of you must be focused on the Lord first in order to make it work. Agree to make the Lord your destination and you’ll find you are walking in the same direction.”

In my many conversations with God, I have said to Him, the man I will be with is the one He handpicked for me. I do not know at this point if man two has been handpicked by God for me because in my hard-headness and stubbornness I never really waited for God to answer. I talked at God about man two never really wanting to hear His response. I do know what I asked God for in a husband and the one thing that is non-negotiable is this, he has to be a man of God, who is submitting his life to God daily. This is a must for me and I am willing and will wait for God to send that man. I might not like the wait time but wait I will.

I am now ready to listen knowing Jesus is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Lead me, guide me along this journey, if you wont lead me I wont go.

The Greatest Love Story Every Told

2010-02-25T07:02:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks in various forms I have been receiving scriptures dealing with love. As I sat in Bible Study last night today’s blog post came to me. So, I would like to share with you all the greatest love story every told. The story has been told for many centuries and in many different languages. Yes, this story is universal. Some believe it the first time and others like me it takes a minutes to get it. The story is very long and it spans many lifetimes but it is well worth reading. I will give you the short version.

It started ions ago with a man, His Son and His Comforter. The man was very powerful and had access to the whole world. He was a creative Man and like to make things. He was what we would call today a move and a shaker. One day He was sitting with His Son and decided to make something so wonderful and beautiful, no one would every forget it. In the course of days the Man and His Son created many beautiful things and as they set back and looked at everything they created and decided to share it with others. The Man and His Son decided to allow this couple to live in what they had created. The couple seemed to be very pleased. The Man share with the couple some rules and regulations of being in this gorgeous place the Man had created.

If you are a fan of romantic comedies like me, you know earlier on something is going to happen that will separate the main characters and then someone or something else would take place to bring the main characters back together. In the greatest love story every told the same thing happens. The couple does not follow the Man’s rules and regulations, so the man is forced to evict them. There is an but here, the Man loved this couple a lot, so He did not want to see them out on the streets. He provided less gorgeous accommodations for the couple.

So for years the Man had tried to mend His relationship with the couple and their descendants to no avail. It would be times when they were in trouble and He would help them out of their situations, they would seek His guidance for a while before turning on Him. See, the Man was very wise and know things know one else know. The Man of the course of time continued to try and reach them. When they would ask Him to do things, He would give them their request. He was always there for them, just a second away each and every time they needed Him.

The story says, He longed for the relationship He had with their parents before the broke His rules. He had done almost everything to try and repair the relationship. So, the Man decided to send His Son to the people. His Son was very successful in talking with the descendants of the couple. We all know there is always a villain trying to mess everything up, the villain so the Son was able to reach the people, so he decided to put a stop to the Son. The villain thought he had stop the Son but he was setting the Son up to bring true reconciliation between the people and His Father. The villain had the Son falsely arrested, beating, mistreated by the prison guards and ultimately the Son would be killed. It does not end there thank God!

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.
There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." Matthew 28: 1-10

The Man (God) sent his only begotten Son as an atoning sacrifice for us all that we would be back to that perfect relationship we had with Him in the beginning. So, my family and friends “be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5: 21

The Bible is the greatest love story we can every read. God loves us so much and wants to be in a relationship with us. He does not want us to be perfect because He know we will make mistakes hence repentance but what He does desire is a personal relationship with us.

I thank JESUS for taking all my sin on Him at the cross. I personal do not think I could handle it. I thank Him for bridging the gap between God the Father and me. If what Jesus did on the cross was not love I sure would like to know what love does.

Unfinished Business

2010-02-18T07:35:00.000-08:00

As I enter day 2 of the Lenten Season, I am reminded of what was spoken to me at my churches fall revival in 2009. The Pastor told me I had left several assignments from God undone. He said, “I was not living up to the call/purpose the LORD has purposed for me. He continued to tell me, if I would just let go and trust God, I would be amazed at where God would take me. He concluded that I had received enough in God’s permissive will that it was time for me to start living and operating in God’s perfect will.”

The things the Pastor had spoken to me that night were not new to me because God had spoken them to me before and sent others before the Pastor at revival with the same message. It was in my hard-headiness, fear and procrastination that I did the bare minimum and prayed the LORD would bless my effort. I believe God did bless the effort back then, He knew where I was in Him, meaning He knew my spiritual maturity. At the same time the Lord also knew I was growing in my knowledge of who He was and who He said I was to Him.

It is past time for me to operate in what Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” I trust God! I had no really faith in myself to do the things God was calling me to do. I did not trust myself fully to do those things that were assigned to me and went as far as to question God at times as to why He trusted me so much. It was in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” and Psalm 139 (http://www.biblica.com/bible/verse/?niv=yes&q=Ps139 ) God would give me my answer.

So, as I prepared myself for Ash Wednesday Worship Service on yesterday, I asked God to give me a scripture for this Lenten Season. He gave me Jeremiah 29:11, He gave me the scripture that He has given me for the last three years. The number three biblical means completion.

This morning as I sat at my computer to write this post I knew I would writing something about what I would give up for Lent. What I did not know was the LORD would bring back to my thoughts about the confirmation message He gave to the Pastor at fall revival to give to me.

I totally agree with God, it is time for me to stop allowing fear, procrastination and my will to interfere with His plan and purpose for my life. So, instead of giving up things I would only start again after Lent is over. I am giving up fear, procrastination and my will to living in God’s perfect will for my life. I know it is the best thing to do because my relationship with Christ is the best thing that has every happen to me. I LOVE YOU FATHER!!!

Always Be Ready

2010-02-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

In the book of 1 Peter 3:15, Peter tells the church, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” So, here is the reason for the hope that I have in Christ Jesus.

There was a time during my senior year in college when my life was spiraling out of control. I was drinking almost everyday, sex for me was just another thing to do to mask my pain and I was not taking my education seriously. I did enough to make a B in my classes and C’s were not that bad to me. I barely looked into Grad School or thought hard about my future. It was during this time I was living in my pain and taking past hurts out on me and others. I was slowing killing myself with the things I was doing to my body and putting into it.

My sexual behavior lead to an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy during the time I was suppose to be preparing for my internship with a local television station in North Carolina. My belief was abortions were murder but I find myself seriously considering it. It was also during this time a long time friend of mine was murdered. Despite my beliefs I decided to abort the baby because I never really thought I could give the child the life he/she deserved.

It was these two things and past hurts that would lead me to my knees months later begging God to help me. I knew there was something better I just did not know how to go about obtained the happiness I wanted in my life. It was there in my despair the LORD begins to set things in motion for the happiness I wanted in my life. He begins to send people my way who believed in Him completely. They begin to share their testimony with me, which led me to pray more and visit churches with friends.

I remember one day I asked the LORD to send me to a preacher who would teach me His Word. The LORD would answer the prayer on December 12, 2004, when I came home and visit the church in my community. I sat there and for the first time in a very long time I felt some peace. I figure now it was God allowing me to feel what a life with Him could be like.

It would be months before I would go back to visit the church and after another intimate encounter with the LORD in August of 2005 I answered the Lord’s call and give my life to Him.

So as I entered year five of my journey with the LORD, here is the reason for my hope in Christ Jesus. He found me where I was in the midst of my pain, anger, bitterness, regret, self-hatred, suicide and loneliness and HE LOVED ME PAST MY PAIN. He gave me a life and purpose. Each day I wake up I KNOW He is with me and through Him I will surely have the victory. He supplies each and every one of my needs. I hope in Him because in Him I found me. I hope in Him because He has never lied or led me astray. He has never broken a promise and everything I know will be okay because of Him.

I hope in Him because I would have never made it to 31 years of age without Him.

He Found Me

2010-01-28T07:29:00.000-08:00

One of my facebook friends posted a status this morning asking, “Was God ever really lost.” In response too so many people saying they find Him. In the book of Revelation, Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”

With that scripture in mind I do not believe God was ever lost but that we were lost. In His infinite love for us God sought us out so that we could be reconciled back to Him. The evidence of His love for us is so clear in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Looking back over my life and when I heard the Lord knocking on the doors of my heart back in 2004, I begin to think about a better life, one free from the pain and anger that was so apparent in my life since I was 15 years old. So many people had come in my life from that point, who talked about the goodness of the Lord. I never really thought a good God would allow me to go through so much heartache and pain. I held on to a lingering notion that God really could not love me or mean me any good with all life had shown me at such an early age. So for years I went through life feeling a hurt and void no one could fill. Until one day back in 2004 I noticed a yearning in me to be truly free from hurt and pain. Thinking back I now know it was God gently leading me to Him.

See in the midst of my pain and hurt God begin to reveal Himself to me. He begin to tell me drinking, sex and all the other ways I was self-medicating to deal with the pain was truly not the answer to dealing with my pain. He told me, “II have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” When I wrapped my mind around the fact God said there will be trouble in my life but that He had dealt with it, my heart begin to open to Him more. In August of 2005, I heard the LORD clearly saying now is the time for you to come on this journey with me and I will heal your broke heart and every broke thing in your life.

As I enter year five of my journey with God, I am so glad He found me. I am so overjoyed that I continue each day to discovery her mercy, grace and joy each day. I know and believe that “surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever!

Thank you God for finding me and loving me enough to come looking for me even when I was not looking for you! Thank you for being the light of my salvation and my bright and morning star, the joy of my strength I have find in You and Your Word. I am so much better since you find me and delivered me from my pit.

When You’re Hurt

2010-01-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been at the place where everything seems to be falling apart? I find myself in that place back in June 2009 and I reached out to someone in my Christian circle of people I believe are mature in Christ. As I wrote in an email all the things I had been going through since January of 2009, the death of family members, experiencing God more than I had in the past, and feeling like I was losing my mind I asked/sought spiritual advice that never came. In the book of James 5: 14 says, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” At that time I felt like I was sick spiritual and I called on an elder of the church, with no response. This really hurt me beyond what I original thought it did. I find myself dismissal of this person I sought for advice to the point where what they say means nothing to me at times.

I believe I am hurt because I expect too much for this person and not enough from God. As I write this I know God is the only One who can answer all my questions. The only One who can help me make sense of what the last year of my life was all about. Knowing this does not totally eliminate the hurt I experience by seeking help from someone I trusted and for me to trust anyone is not the easiest thing for me to do, I was asking this person for spiritual advice. There were days where I thought about walking away from my relationship with God because of the hurt and pain I was feeling not only due to this situation but all the pain and unanswered questions I faced in 2009. Every time the thought to walk away from God came to me, He placed Psalm 139 in my spirit. Being the great Father God is He gave me the strength to endure and that is why I can move forward from this situation and all situations. I know the LORD will always be there for me, He will always be my strength. My Associate Pastor asked me one was God the joy of my strength I can confident say, yes, He is the joy of my strength because we I was utterly cast down He pick me up. When I felt alone He was there to make me feel like someone was there with me. When I do not understand many situations He assured me one day I would know the reasons.

That is why I must let go of the hurt feelings because in the end it is only hurting me. It is hindering me from moving forward in what I must do. So, with a forgiving hurt I am let it go. This one situation will not stop me from seeking spiritual advice from others nor will it hinder me from being all God has called me to be. I will recovery from someone disappointing me, what I can not do is continue to hold on to this hurt and disappoint.

Psalm 23

2009-12-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

The 23rd Psalm---Explained

The Lord is my Shepherd ----- That's Relationship!
I shall not want ----- That's Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ---- That's Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters ----- That's Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul ----- That's Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness ----- That's Guidance!
For His name sake ----- That's Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ----- That's Testing!
I will fear no evil ----- That's Protection!
For Thou art with me ----- That's Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me ----- That's Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies ----- That's Hope!
Thou annointest my head with oil ----- That's Consecration!
My cup runneth over ----- That's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life ---- That's Blessing!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord ----- That's Security!
Forever ----- That's Eternity!

Submitted by Gloria Welch

Letting Go and Letting God have His Way

2009-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

There are two bible studies I am undertaking right now, the first being one I started later in the summer about the suffering of Job. The other is one of the bible study class I am taking Journey into Overcoming, both dealing with suffering, trials and tribulation in life. Many of you who read this blog on a regular basis do not have to be reminded of the many situations and adversities I have faced in this life. I have seen death, sickness, depression and so forth. What I have gathered from Ray Steadman’s Suffering of Job and the first lesson in Journey to Overcoming is trials, suffering and tribulations all come to bring us closer to God plan for our lives.

As I look back on my life, especially the difficult times of my life, I can see the hand of God all over my life. I can see how He tried to redirect my steps in some situations and why He allowed others to occur. I am not saying I know why everything good, bad or indifferent occurred in my life because I do not understand it all. What I do understand is the love of God and how that has greatly impacted my life. There have been many trials in 2009 for me but there have also been many victories. I now can discern the voice of God clearly. I can hear Him speaking to me and leading me on the path He purposed and ordained for my life. I know for sure the gifts He has placed with in me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He indeed loves me.

In this season of loses and gains for me, I have found myself wrestling with God and the call He has on my life. I sometimes find myself trying to ignore Him or making up excuses for not doing the things He has called me to do. Yes, I have been disobedient to the Father. Some of my disobediences is due to fear and the rest is my uncertainty or at least that is what I tell myself. The fear part is real the uncertainty I am not so sure about. I know God has called me and purpose me because He has purposed each one of His children that He has called out of the darkness into His marvelous light. As He told Jeremiah, I know the plans I have for you.

I know the Father has a plan for my life, I am at a place where I am fighting His will for my life and I truly want to walk in that will but I do not know how to stop fighting Him. My desire is to be in His perfect will for my life…to lose myself totally and completely in Him and the plans He has already set in place for me. I just have not learned how to let go and let God have His way. I spend so much time telling Him what I want and how I would like things to be that I miss a lot of what He has to say to me. I spend so much time thinking about the way my life should be that I miss out on much of what He says my life will be like. I know two of my gifts are prophecy and exhortation. I know for sure the talent He has given me is writing. I also know that He wants to use me for other things but I am so afraid of leaving folks behind, moving to another level which would mean leaving people behind and letting someone have full control of my life, even though I know God will never do anything to hurt me.

So my prayer for myself and the one I am asking you all to pray for me is that I let go of fear and I totally let go and let God have His way and that His prefect will be done in my life.

There Is Purpose In My Pain

2009-08-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

This morning as I made my way to church, I sat at the bus stop waiting on the bus reading T.D. Jakes book Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits. When I just happen to look up at the cloudy gray skies to see one specific area of the sky where there was a bright light shining forth. I continued to stare over my right shoulder at the bright spot in the cloudy gray skies this morning when I remembered though dark days come there is a brighter day ahead when you trust in Christ Jesus and are lead by Him. As I continued to watch the beautiful light in the cloudy gray skies be covered by the dark clouds, it seemed like the beautiful lite cloud would force its way back to the forefront. It appeared to me a determining in the cloud not to be hidden by the darker clouds, although the darker clouds surround it on every side.

My mind went to the current trials I am now facing and the trials I faced in the pasted. Then my mind went to one of my favorite bible heros King David. Who knew trials and adversity all too well! He faced many in his lifetime. Many of the trials King David faced were because of the anointing on his life. The purpose God had called him too, it was nothing David asked for, it was simply his God given purpose for being here. For many who know King David’s story, it is written in history he was a man after God’s own heart. As a shepherd boy David was anointed by Prophet Samuel to one day be King of Israel. As a result of his anointing and God given call there were numerous attempts on David’s life. Trouble just seemed to find David, who just wanted to be obedient to God. He did nothing but answer the call of God on his life. Most of the trouble occurred before David was ever placed as King over Israel.

I have heard many preachers say what I am about to write but I never really given full consideration to it until now. I am suffering because of the call and the anointing on my life. If I look at my life, not just this year even though this year seems like a lifetime of troubles, my life from the time of my birth, which my mother told me recently I almost dead because I was choking on something when I came out of the womb. Being reared in neighborhoods were shootings were as common place as fireworks on the 4th of July. Dealing with the deaths of my siblings, uncle and many friends who died violently on the streets of D.C.; then having to deal with my own personal demons of being suicidal, abuse of alcohol and the misuse of my body to try and numb the pain. Then trying to rationale in my mind how I could be so strong in my stance against abortions only to be faced with the option myself as a senior in college with my whole life ahead of me and to have to deal with the affects of having an abortion.

It amazes me sometimes that I am still alive. It truly does! I know God has spared me for a reason. As He told the prophet Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God knows the plans He has for me because "before He formed me in the womb He knew me, before I was born He set me apart; He appointed me."

As I live out my God given purpose, I see more trouble come my way. This year as I committed myself to truly living out my God given purpose, sickness, death, financial troubles, family problems and other issues came at me from every which kind of way. Like King David in the Psalm 25, the troubles of my heart have multiplied. During this year as all these things were occurring, God has been manifesting His gifts in me. Which is entirely another story and another set of emotions to go through. Dealing with death, sickness, debt and having your spiritual gifts manifest themselves in such a way that you had not thought of like the foretelling of the deaths of loved ones, I thought was a bit much.

During this time I have had two conflicting voices speaking to me. One is a loving Father, who said He would never leave me or forsake me. I hear God speaking to me, telling me to hold on, to stand and see His salvation. I hear Him telling me it is going to be okay that He will bring me out, I just need to have faith and learning the lessons He wants to teach me during this season.

Then there is the enemy who continues to tell me God will not rescue me. That all the problems I am facing will not leave me; with every bill, bad report, family argument, friend who has forgotten me in this storm and person who misuses or mishandles me, how could a loving Father allow His child to go through such pain and suffering.
My response to the enemy, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” Job 13:15
I trust God because I know through the study of His Word and my connection to Him that in this life I would have some trouble. He never said I had to endure the hardships alone. He said, “I could cast my burdens upon Him and if I became weary and heavy laden, He would give me rest.

So, if the path to my God given purpose has me walking through sickness, death, grief being misused, mishandle, financial issues and the like, I gladly and joyfully walk the path. For I know, “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD.” Psalm 23: 3-6

I know what the enemy meant for evil, God is going to work it out for my good. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

As it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Oh, there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…cause I trust in Christ Jesus and by Him I am being led, so there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…far in the distant I can see the light shining in the night and it has been a journey, my Heavenly Father but I go with Jesus cause He conquerors all.

I Can’t Give Up Now

2009-08-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

This year has been one of many lows for me, sometimes I felt like giving up. At times I wondered where was my loving God in the many situations I faced. It was at those moments He remaindered me that "Never will He leave me; never will He forsake me.” Hebrews 13:5

Yes, you are facing some hard situations and yes, the trouble of your heart have multiply but I am with you.

During this year, which I have taken to calling my season of loss and gain, I have learned to trust in God with every fiber of my being. Throughout this season of testing and trials two sermons continue to play in my head, one is a sermon my Senior Pastor preached over a year ago entitled “It’s Just a Test”. The scripture reference he used was Job’s testing experience. So many people look at the many situations I have been faced with or I am now facing. I look sometimes at my trials and wonder why I have not lost my mind then God reminders me that He is keeping me. Yes, I have lost my Granny and cousin, my job, my finances are what they are but I have not lost the love, peace, joy and protection of an Awesome God. He is still there protecting me during this storm. So as I think about the sermon and Job’s experience I know God will bring me out just like He did for Job. I have to weather this storm and learn the lessons God wants to teach me and show me during this testing season.

The other sermon is one my Associate Pastor preached entitled “Out of Your Egypt”. The scripture he used was the Israelites’ captive and ultimate exodus out of Egypt. I went back last week and re-listen to the sermon. Pastor B said, you can be blessed in your Egypt. I must have missed this point in the sermon and has been over a year since I heard it. I could not understand it but as I looked at my present Egypt experience I am being blessed. God is revealing folks true character to me. He is showing me more and more of His grace and mercy. He has taught me how to truly appreciate what we sometimes call the smaller things in life. He has shown me those who truly love me for me. He has also revealed the things I need to be delivered from like pride, poor stewardship and poor time management.

So, as the storms of life rage on I chose to believe God and allow His Word to navigate me through the tough times. Like King David, I too, “lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121”

I am my Heavenly Father’s child, Jesus is my Savior and that means I will always triumph of the obstacles of life. Because God is my help and He remains faithful to His Word to always come to my rescue, I continue to trust in Him and to seek Him during these trying times.
I know I can’t give up and I will not give up. Like the Apostle Paul, I too, am” confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Another song I love is Mary Mary’s I Can’t Give Up Now:

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

Never give up on God because He will never give up on you. Let Him walk you through the storms and allow Him to heal you.

Be blessed!!!

All I Can DO Is Trust You Lord

2009-07-07T09:34:00.000-07:00

There is a song I love by James Fortune entitled I Trust You. The song simply says, I will trust You, Lord. My favorite lines are “everything that I see, tells me not to believe, but I'll trust you Lord, you have never failed me, I can only trust you, no one else loves like you do.”

Here is why I love the lines in this song because I can go to God’s Word and find scripture to support what the song writing is saying. I have evidence that God can be trusted, His Word tells me so. At this point in time I find myself unemployed with more bills than money but I also have a promise and directions from my Heavenly Father.

My flesh is telling me I am in a very bad situation right now with the job marketing looking the way that it does and the bills coming in every month still. The flesh is screaming Ryane, we can not wait on God we have to do something.

Then there is the Holy Spirit living in me that says, God is going to do what He says He will do. Just stand still and see Him work everything out for you.

Everything I see, tells me not to believe
In this world you will have trouble. John 16:33
A righteous man may have many troubles…Psalm 34:16

The Word of God tells me, there will be some troubling times and situations, such as unemployment, death, hurt and pain. The enemy would have you to believe in these situations God is not there for you and you would not make it through your situation. This thought is contrary to the Word of God. In Hebrews 13:5 God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” And because I know God is not a man that He should lie, I chose to believe God in these troubling days I am experiencing because as Hezekiah Walker songs Faithful, faithful is our God, I WILL reap the harvest God promised me…taking back what the devil stole from me….I SHALL recover it all… cause faithful is our God.

I'll trust you lord, you have never failed me
…but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:16
I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in Your name I will hope. Psalm 52:8-9
… But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

As I look back over my life, I can honestly say God has been with me. He has been my Shepherd through the good and bad times. Everything in His perfect that I have asked Him for has been given to me. Even with the recent unemployment God is answering my prayers. See, I begin to pray God would remove me from my old job (He did) and when He removed me from that job, I would not go to another desk job but I prayed for Him to move me into working in the ministry and writing full time. I know see God moving on the working in ministry and with the upcoming release of my first book I see Him working on the writing. The financial situation maybe but my Father is rich. Everything on earth and in heaven belongs to Him.

Every time the enemy tries to get me to worry and to have doubt in God bringing me out of this, I remember that 2:49 a.m. wake-up call from God. He said not to worry; He was going to take care of everything concerning me. God know my cousin and Granny would be called home to glory, He knows my prayers for my family, He knows my financial situation. King David wrote in Psalm 139: 2-5 and 16-17, “You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me… your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! He knew these troubling days were ahead of me but He said in John 16:33, “take heart! I have overcome the world.” I trust Him because I seen Him bring me out many situations before and I KNOW for sure His thoughts toward me are beautiful ones. In Jeremiah 29:11 God said, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I can only trust You, no one else loves like you do.”
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

A couple of weeks ago, God wake me up again this time He took me on a journey through His Word. We started with Deuteronomy 5:32-33, 6, 28, 29, 30, then Psalms 23, 39, then Isaiah 55, then Matthew 6:25-34 and then Hebrews 11. When you have sometime read those chapters and verses then you will now why I am not worried about anything. The Word says, the just shall live by faith. It is only fitting God end our journey through His Word that early morning with Hebrews 11 which is entitled By Faith. The first three verses says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.”

Dorinda Clark Cole has a song that says, God is going to do everything He promised you. I trust God more than enough to know He will do what He promised me. Yes, the promising of the Father are real to me. If I have to go through this season of death, pain, financial instability and lack, I am going through with an Awesome Father who has already walk the path before. I know this is just a test of my faith and so I believe God. I trust He will bring me out of this because His Word says in Philippians 1:6, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I WILL TRUST YOU LORD!!!

Asking for Forgiveness (Psalm 51)

2009-06-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

For this weeks blog I decide to post an excerpt from a book I am working on entitled “The Sheep in the Lion’s Den”. The prayer below is taking from Psalm 51 which is the Psalm King David wrote to God asking forgiveness for his sin. In this scripture King David owns up to his wrongdoing. He does not blame it on the devil but he tells God I have sinned.

The main character in The Sheep in the Lion’s Den has sinned and is now asking God for forgiveness. He is standing before His congregation but he is focused on his Master, the God of gods, the King of kings, the God of a second chance.

I stand here before you a broken and wounded sheep. One who by my own doing was lead to the slaughter but I am so thankfully this morning that the God I serve is a Redeemer. I stand here this morning in the need of forgiveness. In need of the Lord’s forgiveness, Father have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion Lord, blot out the transgressions of your sinful servant. Father, wash away all my iniquity and cleanse my mind, my body from all my sins. Lord, my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Oh, great Redeemer of a sinful man!!

I know my sin is against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight. God so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Lord, my soul knows the wages of sin are death but I still gave in to carnal thinking and allowed the enemy to lead me astray. But God I am here today and I stand in the presence of your glory God seeking and desiring truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost part of my soul and I know I will be okay for God from this moment on my hope is in you. Father renew my mind, transform my soul cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Father I long to hear joy and gladness again; oh God let the bones you have crushed rejoice once again. Lord, I asked that you hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. I am asking you creator of heaven and earth to create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Lord Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me because of my sinful nature. I ask you God of promise and hope to restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Father I have run for your call for far too long. I have allowed worldly influences to lead me astray but God I stand before You this morning a humbled and willing servant to teach transgressors your ways, and return your lost shepherd to you. Lord I asked that you would save me from bloodguilt, O God, For I know Lord that you are a Redeemer of men. I know You are God of all things, the One and only living God, I know You will save me, and Father I will not forgot to give you the praise and honor. Oh, Lord my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. Father, if I could offer a million fatty calves before your alter to please you I would but I know You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Confession is good for the soul!!!

Returning to My First Love

2009-06-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

There is a song that says, “falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I have ever done.” Which I can attest to whole-heartedly! It was indeed the best thing I have ever done. The Word of God as recorded in 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.”

For many who follow this blog, you know 2009 has been a rough year for my family and me. I know the one thing that has kept us all from completely losing our minds is knowing an awesome and all powerful God loves us.

This morning as I made my way to work the thought of returning whole-heartedly to my first love was pressing on my mind, so I decide the blog post today would be about returning to my first love. Many of you maybe a little confused right now. No I did not at any point leave the Body of Christ (church). Nor did I stop going to Bible Study. Through all the storms this year has sent my way, I remained in the house of God.

However I have not remained in the perfect will of God. I have made very poor choices and I have done so deliberate in some vain attempt to slow down or stop the will of God from continue to manifest in my life right now. I have allowed fear of failure, fear of success and fear of letting people go stand in the way of everything God has for me.

Let me explain just a little of the three fears I allowed to interfere and cause my too sin against my first love. I can sometimes be a people pleaser, so the fear of failure comes into play because I never want to disappoint anyone. I want to always do my best and succeed at everything I do. When it comes to my relationship with Christ and living out the will of God for my life, it can sometimes become a little scary for me. I allow thoughts of inferiority to enter my mind. I begin to question whether I am good enough for such an Awesome God to use. I begin to ask God why me. I have asked God why me the last couple of months and His continues to tell me “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I disappoint the One who truly loves me unconditional by ignore the things He told me to do and not stepping up and just being the child He called me to be.

For some reason or another I have always had a fear of success, so I was always content with being good enough. This is the attitude I brought into my relationship with God. Being content with where I am in Christ is not good enough. The Word of God in 2 Peter 3:18 says I should, “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Meaning I should be growing in the knowledge of my Lord and Savior continuously until the day God calls me home to glory.

My fear of failure is directly connected to my fear of letting people go. If you are in my life it is because we have connected on some level. I do not allow any and everyone into my personal space. I can sometimes be very picky about who I befriend or who I talk to in causal conversation. So everyone in my life is here because they have qualities I believe are good enough for me. Well God has been telling me since the beginning of the year, I am ready to elevate you but everyone can not go with you. Meaning everyone in my life will not be apart of this next journey God is taking me on. Which makes me a little sad and also made me question God as to why? The answer I received was the same one he told the Prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 55: 8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Being the awesome Father He is God also reminded me what the Apostle Paul to the church at Philippi, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I have really struggled with the fact some family members and friends will only be sideline spectators as God moves me to the next level in Him. But the ways of the Lord I not always for me to know, He has His reasons as to why it has to be this way. My only part in this is to be obedient to Him and allow His work to be done through me, trusting in Him each stop of the way.

In recent weeks I have felt the pull of God moving me back to the intimate relationship we shared. I feel in my spirit and soul my spirit begging to be feed with the Word and presence of God. I hear an inner groaning saying, go on and see what the end is going to be for you know the One who started a good work in you will see it through to completion. You know God will never hurt you He will never give you too much too soon. You are at this place and time in your life because it was purposed for you, it was ordained for you.

The title of my Pastor sermon on Sunday was “Stepping Up and Stepping Out” and at the end of the message he give an invitation to all who felt God moving them to the next level. All I could do was laugh…God had once again given me confirmation He is still ready to take me to another level in Him.

So, I am stepping up to rededicate myself to my prayer time, my study time and to seek the face of God. I am stepping out on faith knowing I am being led by an awesome Father who is able to sustain me through any and everything I may face.

I am falling back in love and placing my love and affections to the One who has been there for me, who loved me in spite of me, who has shown great patience with me, who has forgiven me time and time again, who has always accepted me back with open arms and the only One who was able to love me past my pain.

Falling in love with Jesus
Was the best thing I ever, ever done

In His arms I feel protected
In His arms never disconnected (no no)
In HIs arms I feel protected
There's no place I'd rather rather be

Enough Is Enough

2009-05-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

About five years ago I find myself at a place where I was just tired…I was tired of struggling day to day, just for the will to live another day. I was in search of something to hope me cope with the disappointments, trials and tribulation life had shown me. It was one morning after I had tried to drink away my problems that I was even tired of the drinking.

As I sat in my bedroom on that morning, I begin to talk to God. There was something telling me He had the answers to my questions and that He could help me. It was in this conversation of me telling God how tired I was of everything in my life: the pity parties, the drinking, the sex and etc., I asked Him to send me a pastor who would teach me His Word. See, I wanted to know God but so many churches I had been to where more concerning with teaching me to prosper my wallet rather then giving me what I need to prosper my soul. At this point in my life, my soul was completely destroyed and I knew no amount of money would heal my brokenness. I need someone to teach me the Word, so that I could see some light in this dark world that I felt enclosing on me.

After my graduation from college, I came home for a couple of days that Sunday I decided to go to church, unbeknownst to me God had answered my prayer. It was something totally different about that worship service then any other I had been too. I felt a peace while in this church and I actually felt the Word of God. I thought this was nice and left feeling a little better about things, when I return to North Carolina to start the second part of my life, I continue to get this feeling that I need to be home in Washington, DC. I did not know where this feeling was coming from but I knew it was saying come home. Being in the media field I knew coming home to DC would kill my career before it got started, DC being one of the top media markets in the country, but the feeling that I need to be home was to strong for me too ignore. It was February 2005 that I return home to DC. I would return to that church ever so often and walk out feeling much better than I did before I went in.

It was in August 2005 as I sat during my favorite pastime event of sitting on the couch flipping through channels, that I heard a voice saying come home. I tried to ignore it but it would not leave me alone. It continue to say come home. As I sat there thoughts of past hurts and painful experiences begin to flood my mind, I keep thinking, why is this stuff coming back to me. It was then I heard clearly “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”. You asked for a true man of God and I have sent you to one but you still hesitate. Ryane, it is time for you to come home to me. No more running and no more excuse. Now is the time.

That was almost five years ago that I heard God knocking on the doors of my heart and He has been with me everyday of this life since (Revelation 3:30).

As I did that day back in August of 2005, I heard God clearly say, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It is time for you to stop running and face the fact you have been chosen and set apart for my good works. For years after answer the call of God, I struggled to accept that an awesome God, who is all powerful, all knowing and just great chose me to do His work through.

At this point in my walk with Christ I am struggling to accept the call and ministry He has prepared for me wholeheartedly. I tell Him I am surrender myself to Him totally but I never do. It is not that I do not want too. There is apart of me that is allowing fear to hinder me from saying, yes, Lord to Your will and to Your way. I allow distractions, some I create myself to get in the way but God is clearly telling me ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

And I totally agree with Him.

The Father’s Gifts

2009-04-29T11:31:00.000-07:00

As a child of God each of us are given gifts from Him at the time we accept His Son as our Lord and Savior. There are “gifts of the spirit” (1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12 & Ephesians 4) these are the gifts God gives to each believer for the building of His kingdom.

One of the bible study classes my church has given in the past was on spiritual gifts, in the class we all took a spiritual gift survey to determine what our gifts maybe. From the spiritual gifts survey, I learned my gifts are maybe faith, knowledge, prophecy, exhortation and pastor. So, I begin to pray God will reveal to me which gift (s) He has given me and to start manifesting them in my life. You know that old saying, “be careful what you pray for, you might just get it.” Yes, I am here to tell you, if you did not know already it is so true.

God has started to manifest the gift of prophecy in me. What is the gift of prophecy? The website http://www.participatorystudyseries.com/prophecy.shtml says the following about prophecy: “Prophecy is speaking the word or message of God for a particular circumstance or time. In Biblical times prophets foretold the future, condemned unrighteous acts, gave encouragement, recommended courses of action to rulers or to priests and warned of judgment. Only a small portion of the work of a prophet involves predicting the future, and even the predictions are designed either to teach or to correct.” The Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 14:39 “to be eager to prophecy.”

I would have been eager to prophecy before my cousin went into the hospital to have a lung transplant which was March 16, 2009. This is when God started to manifested the gift of prophecy in me. He showed me my cousin’s death and said prepare myself but how does one begin to prepare themselves for something like this. I was also to prepare my family but again, how do I prepare them for something like this. As I sat in the hospital with my family, I remember Hezekiah prayer for God to extend his years, so I begin to pray God would extend my cousin’s years but He continued to say prepare them but I did not want to do it. So, I thought I could change His mind. It was not until the day before she died that I changed my prayers and begin to pray what God had instructed me to pray. I believe my cousin also had the gift of prophecy because she told me two years ago that are family would be restored in her death. She said, “I am willing to be that sacrifice for the family.” I now believe the morning she called to tell me about her lung transplant that she knew God was calling her home. When I talk to her that morning it was a little anxiousness in her voice but there was also peace.

The same week we were making funeral arrangement for my cousin, again, I heard “prepare yourself.” My first thought was oh no, God, no. I knew it was my Grandma this time and as God told me He was taking her home with Him, I cried and I cried. If foreseeing the death of my love ones was a part of this gift of prophecy I did not want any parts of it. I told God He could have His gift back but I knew in my heart and soul I had to accept it. So, when my dad called Thursday April 9, 2009, I was not surprised but I was still hurt and saddened by her depart from this life. My cousin and Associate Pastor pointed something out to me about both of there deaths. My cousin was 33 years old at the time of her death and Jesus was 33 when He left this earth to be with the Father. My Grandma left this earth during Holy Week, on the day of Passover. You know the day Jesus prepared His first disciples for what was about to happen to Him. I thank God because He is so good, He does not have to explain stuff to us but He does, even now as I write this I am getting revelations from the Father. As Jesus prepared His disciples for what was about to happen to Him, I was suppose to prepare my family for what was about to happen to us but in pure disobedience and out of selfishness I did not do this until it was too late. I had to deal with it and ask for forgiveness from the Father then forgive myself and look towards the other things God will show me to encourage, uplift, comfort and help my family, friends and neighbors.

I mention before on the blog about a 2:49 a.m. wake up call from God. In which the Father told me He loved me and not to worry about anything, that He was working everything out for me. Then I told you all about the vision I had of running up some stairs to get to the platform because I had some stuff in my mouth and when I open my mouth to spat the contents out it was diamonds and pearls. I believe the diamonds and pearls, are being able to witness and let the glory of my Heavenly Father shine in my life. I also, believe God was given me a sign that all this would occur and that I would have the opportunity to minister to my family. I now know that God is working other avenues for me to be a light and witness to my family, friends and neighbors (neighbors being anyone who pass my way).

While God is still teaching me to operate in this gift and others, I have accepted that I am by birth right a gifted young lady for the Father. So, He can use me to do His good and perfect will. In the future when I have another opportunity to go and say what thus said the Lord, I will gladly do so. As the Lord told Moses, I will tell them, 'I AM has sent me to you. Exodus 3:14)'

I Believe God

2009-04-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

There is a song I like by Kurt Carr called I Believe God. The song says, My faith is strong and anchor, my faith can not be wavered…I believe God, He is invisible…sometimes my faith is tested on this shake road…I believe God…I have seen to many miracles hidden inside my pain…I believe God. The start of 2009 has not been an easy one for me or my family. For all of January and most of February I was sick with walking pneumonia then food poison. Yea, it was not a happy time for me but the love of God and family members keep my spirits up.

Then my cousin learned she had received a lung, so for two weeks, we as a family sit in the waiting area of University of Maryland Hospital @ Baltimore, praying and waiting on Tonya to open her eyes. She never did open her eyes on this side but I believe she is amazed at things Jesus is showing her as she moved from temporary to everlasting. My beautiful cousin took her last breathe on this earth the morning of Friday March 27, 2009. As we meet as a family that morning in the hospital waiting room to decide to take her off the machines, I know the thought running through most of our minds probably was “we have her life in our hands.” I now know we never had that choice but God did because the moment they took her off the machines, I believe she took the hand of her Savior Jesus Christ and did not look back. I believe in those last days of Tonya’s life, she was talking to her Master, and He was telling her it is going to be okay. I will take good care of your family please do not worry about them. I believe Tonya on that Friday morning turned to God give Him her hand because she believe He would take care of her husband, her children, her mother, sister and the rest of her family. So, she let go and let God have His way.

Almost a week after burying my beautiful cousin, I got a call at work from my dad saying, my Grandma had died. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut with a steel toe boot. I could not believe it. Most of that day was filled with tears and regret. I think most of my tears came from regret for not coming around or calling her more, especially after finding out she had breast cancer. I keep saying I was going to call or go see her but got caught up with my own life that I always forgot to make that telephone call. I know it is not a time for regret but sometime you have to look at the missed opportunities in your life to learn from them and spending more time with my family, both sides of my family is something I know I need to do.
My Grandma Bea was beautiful in everyway, she would just smile and you would have no other choice but to smile back at her. I remember when I used to call her should would always ask if it was me or my sister. I can hear her laugh and hear her saying “uh huh.” She never said, “you should call me more.” She always talked to you like you called her everyday. My beautiful and beloved Grandma went quietly with her Master and I know her and Tonya are up there wondering why we are crying. After all they have seen His face, He has taken away all their pain away and He has given them the keys to their mansions. Grandma, knowing her probably has plants everyone by now and Tonya probably trying to beautify everyone up there.

As I write this I am laughing at the thought of my two beautiful angels in their heavenly mansions. While my heart still hurts, I can not help but believe God does everything for a reason. I can not help but believe out of our pain God is working His plan to bring more unity to our family, a family that will pray together, a family that will worship Him together and a family that will be better than we were before. In this painful season of life I see the beauty of God at work. I see Him bring my family back together. I see Him saving souls…I see Him not just restoring us but making us better than what we were before.

So, yes, I believe God. I believe there is purpose in my pain. I believe there are miracles hidden in my pain. I believe God because He said, “I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you.” I believe God because He first loved me and He gave His only Son so I would be reconciled back to Him that I would have eternal life with Him. I believe God because I have seen His work. I believe God because I am His work. He is my rock…He is my strength, He is my lily in the field, He is my joy, He is my peace, He is my counselor, He is my Comforter, He is my Help, He is just an Awesome Father.

I rejoice in the pain because I know weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning and this joy I have the world did not give to me and the world can not take it from me.

I BELIEVE GOD!!!

Leaving Old Things Behind

2009-03-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

“…Go now and leave your life of sin.” John 8:11

Last night, in Bible Study class, we had a very interesting conversation about the sins of others. Not our sins, but how the sin of others bothered us. The question or statement that kicked this conversation off was something to do about someone using profanity in this person presence, after being asked not too. We are not talking about an unsaved person but we are talking about another Christian using profanity and vulgar language. This was unsettling to this person who brought it up to the class, last night.

My thoughts this morning as God brought this scripture back to my remembrance is do we really take the advice Jesus give the prostitution in John 8 to leave her life of sin. How many of us professing believers in Christ are holding on to and trying to justify our reason for continuing to leave in or committed sin. It just seems like we cling to sayings like God is not through with me yet, God does not expect me to be perfect God understands my heart and God knows me!

It is true, God does know us. He created us, so I would think, He knows all about us. The book of Matthew says “He knows the number of hairs on our head.” Now, how many folks in our lives can say they know us that well?

Because the Father knows us and the Word says, He knows His sheep as recorded in the book of John 10:14. God knows how much we can bear that is why He said in 1 Peter 5:7 for us to “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” He knows all about our weakness and temptations that is why the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians said, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

The book of Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” God has made every provision for us to no longer conform to the patterns of this world but to be renewed daily by the transforming of our minds (Romans 12:2). He sent His Son to die for our sins. He give us His Word to use as a guide and He give us His precious Holy Spirit to comforter us and to intercede on our behalf.

Yes, the saying, God is not through with me yet, is correct because as believers we are going through the sanctification process. The website http://www.allaboutfollowingjesus.org/sanctification.htm describes the sanctification process this way: Sanctification does not stop with salvation, but rather it is a progressive process that continues in a Christian's life. Unlike the things and places that are sanctified by God in the Bible, people have the capacity to sin. Even though we have been "set apart" as God's children, we continue to behave in ways that are contrary. As Christians, we realize shortly after we have been saved that there is a new inner battle being waged within us - a battle between our old sin-lead nature and new Spirit-lead nature. Paul in Galatians best describes this inner struggle in Galatians 5:17: "For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish." That does not mean we use the saying, God is not through with us yet, as a clutch to continuing sinning. We as believers must strife each day to live a worthy life exhibited the fruits of the spirit gentleness, peace, love, self-control, faithfulness, kindness and patience.

So we must do as Jesus instructed the prostitution in the book of John “…Go now and leave your life of sin.” Knowing the One who called us out of the darkness into His marvelous light is able to keep us in the time of temptation and is able to deliver us from everything that is not of God.

Troubled In The Lord's House

2009-03-06T09:11:00.001-08:00

Since I have been a combination of busy, lazy and the constant procastinator, I really do not have anything to write this week. So, I would like to share an except from my forthcoming book From the Gutters to A Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father.

The excerpt is from chapter 9 of the book entitled Troubled in the Lord's House. Enjoy!!!

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.(Isaiah 40:31)

When I made the choice to give my life to Christ I thought I would not have to experience any more pain or hardships. I thought once I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I would be instantly delivered from every problem and sin in my life. All the pain and drama were now gone. I was right in a way, He did spare me from some situations but He also allowed me to going through some situations. In the months following my decision to follow God where He was leading me on this journey called life. I started to experience some trouble times with my job and with my lustful ways.

I had to deal with lusting after other women’s husbands and my sexually desires which at times seem to consume me. At times it seem like I could not or would not be delivered from this infirmity of fornication. I was praying and seeking God but it just was not happening in the time I wanted it too. I am a microwave baby and I need everything to happen right now. What I had to learn was God did not work on my schedule. However, I knew I should continue to ask and seek Him for help and deliverance. I decide that He was the only One who could help me. He knew what was going on and the battle I was faced with wanting to do the right thing and live according to His will for me. I remember a conversation I had with my Pastor about wanting to do what was right before God but was still falling short because of the sin in my life. He directed me to the book of Roman’s were the Apostle Paul says, “So I find this law at work; When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. As I read this I thought this was exactly what I was feeling. In my heart and soul I wanted to do what God wanting all of chosen children to do and be obedient to Him. While I was in the book of Romans I was led to another scripture, I believe this scripture was to counter the other one. Romans 8: 28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” So I decided to lean on Him.

While I was trying to purge myself of my lustful ways and stay away from the married men I received a phone called at work from my mother’s co- worker tell me she had fainted and was being admitted to the hospital. She also said that they thought she had a stroke. As a listen to her I thought God no, please God don’t let this happen to my mother. My co-worker drive me to the hospital and on the way up there I just thought why now God. My co-worker who had just recently lost her mother tried to offer words of encouragement but I was half listening to her as we made our way through afternoon traffic in downtown DC on our way to GW Hospital where my mother worked and now was a patient. My mind was on my mother and what state I would see her in when I went into the hospital room. When I got there she was still in the triage area, undergoing test. So I sat there and called my brothers and sisters to tell them our mother was in the hospital and the little that I knew about her condition. About an hour or so later my younger brother Kevin and his girlfriend would join me in the waiting area. As I sat there I asked God to heal her. I told Him I would trust Him for her healing or whatever He had in store for her. I just asked that He would be with her. The preliminary test results showed that she had a slight stroke but the doctor wanted to keep her for a couple of days and run some more test. It was in the additional test that God revealed to the doctors my mom had a brain aneurysm. I say God revealed it to them because on the day my mom was supposed to be released from the hospital the doctor decided to run one more test and it was the one more test that revealed the brain aneurysm. For me I know that was nothing but God at work. My mom could have walked at of that hospital unaware she had a fatal illness that could possible kill her if untreated. So, I knew my God was at work during this situation.

When my mother told me about the aneurysm and how she found out, all I could say was thank you Jesus. Thank you for not allowing her to walk out of that hospital. Thank you Father!!! We now knew the problem and what she faced. So, when it was time for alter call I went up and prayed to God about my mother’s health situation and I gave it to the Lord in faith knowing His perfect Will would be done in her life. We prayed through every stage of her ordeal. We sought God first and were patient. It was a scary situation with an illness that can kill you but God answered our prayers and my mom had a successful surgery in February of 2006 and is doing just fine. I trusted in Him to work it out for her good and He did.

Good Bless you all,
Ryane

Why I Believe

2009-02-27T07:29:00.000-08:00

I have never really felt the desire to validate my faith in God to anyone. I have never much cared to answer the critic who asked, “how can I believe in someone or something I have never seen.” So today in this edition of A Bab for Christ, I will not attempt to validate my faith but I would like to share my reasons for my faith in God.

I am reminded of Langston Hughes poem Mother to Son, the lines “Life for me ain't been no crystal stair. It's had tacks in it, And splinters, And boards torn up, And places with no carpet on the floor -- Bare. But all the time I'se been a-climbin' on, And reachin' landin's, And turnin' corners, And sometimes goin' in the dark Where there ain't been no light.” Well, this journey of faith God has called me to and my 30 years of existence has not been a crystal stair, it has indeed has some splinters, some bare days and I have seen my fair share of dark days, where it was hard for me to see the light.

In the midst of the heartache I suffered it was hard for me to look to God, as so many people told me too. Especially, after the day my sister was killed and my mom, brother and sister were shot. There was nothing in me that believed a loving God would allow something so terrible to happen to me and my family. I had all these questions and no answers from the God everyone kept telling me to turn too.

Then one day I was tired of the pity parties. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of not having anything to live for and not have anything to stand on. It was then in a small office on the campus of North Carolina Central University in the English Department as I sat amongst friends and classmates that I thought about the God my Grandmothers worshipped, the God my mother often called upon and the God my friends often talked about. It was in that office after months of struggling with my choice to abort my baby that I wanted to know if their God could help me. If He would give me the peace and joy that had eluded me for so many years of my life?

Let me explain, I knew of God, we even had causal conversation from time to time but I did not know Him like a child knows their father. You see to know God is to know His Word and I had no clue about His Word. I did not know I could find strength in His Word. I was always told to trust Him and He would work it out but no one really give me scriptures to support what they were saying. It was not until I answered the call of God that I started to understand what Jesus said in John 16:33b, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ” I did not know His said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthian 12:9)"

These were among the very first verse of His Word that God had me committed to memory and to my spirit. I recall early on in this journey with God I would ask Him to hold me because I heard and read He was a comforter. It would be in those times I would have the most peaceful rest I ever had. God would and still does provided me with a scripture for particular situation in my life. He also gives me songs that speak to me and encourage me to continue on. I know Mary Mary songs “Yesterday” and “Can’t Give Up Now” helped me through the first two years of my journey with God.

I like the Samaritan woman at the well in the book of John, met a man (Jesus) who told me all about myself. He not only told me about the hurt I had experienced in my life. But He told me about the future I could and would have with Him as my Lord and Savior. He said He could and would exchange my hurt for love, my pain for peace, my weeping with dancing, my tears with joy and my bitterness for hope.

Jesus told me in Matthew 11: 28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Yes, I can testify, His yoke is easy and His burden is indeed light. The problems of life have not ceased in my life, the way I deal with them has. That is too trust God with everything concerning me.

The reason I believe in God is simple, “I love Him because He first loved me. paraphrase (1 John 4:19)” It is in His love and Word that I have found myself and my purpose for this life I have. I believe because He thought about my when He sent His son to die on the cross for my sins. I believe because in August 2005 I went before Him broken and hopeless. But to God be the Glory in February 2009 I no longer see myself as damaged goods. I see myself as God sees me, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) that is why I know His works are wonderful because I am His works.

I believe because I see the difference God has made in my life.

I Trust You

2009-02-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

God will make a way. How many people truly believe that statement beyond a shadow of a doubt? Last week in Bible Study my Pastor asked us this question, “How much do we really trust God?” Do we really trust God with everything concerning us? As I looked back over my life, especially the last four years since I have been on a committed faith journey with the Father. Had I really trusted God with everything concerning me? I had to be honest with myself. I had not trusted the One who is able to work everything out for me according to His perfect will.

I bring this up because one of my best friends is going through an extremely hard time right now. We had a 3 in a half hour conversation the other day in which at some point, I got frustrated with her. I posed this question to her, “Can God do anything?” She responded yes but…it was in the “but” that I was most frustrated with. If you sincerely believe God can do anything then there are no buts. That night I had my Tuesday night Bible Study class and the lesson was on “praying powerfully”. I shared with the class my frustrating with my friend’s faith in God but it was the saints who reminded me of how little faith I had in God when I started on the journey with Him. As the teacher wrote the word intercessor on the board, I felt convicted in my spirit. You see an intercessor is one who prays or petition God on behalf of another. I had prayed for me friend on many occasions but in that moment God told me what to pray for on her behalf.

As for my frustrated with her…I remembered how little my faith was in the beginning of my walk with Christ. I did not do as Hebrews 4:16 instructed us to do, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Jesus the Savior said in Matthew 17:20, “if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." According to Wikipedia a mustard seed is about 2 mm in diameter. Just take a second to think about that…Jesus did not say we needed faith the size of the state of California or the continent of Africa to move the mountains in our lives but the size of a tiny mustard seed. How awesome is the Father?

So I took my frustrating with my friend’s faith to prayer, asking the Father to keep her during this stormy time in her life. God said in Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He even went further in 1 Peter 5:7 and said we can “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Jesus said in John 14:14, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” So, I also asked God to strengthen her in His Word because the Word of God brings life to a dying spirit. His Word is encouraging to those who are losing hope. His Word is encouraging to us who believe in Him to continue to fight the good fight knowing the One who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (1 Peter 2:9c), is able to keep and sustain us through all things.

As for my Pastor’s question, “how much do you really trust God?” Over the last four years I have grown to trust God with everything concerning me and my family. I trust Him to heal and strengthen my grandmother who has breast cancer, I also trust Him to give my aunts, uncles and dad strength as they help their mom with the day to day activities of life she can no longer really do on her own. I trust God to heal my cousin from her illness. I trust God to heal my aunt of her illness. I call Him Jehovah Rapha which means the Lord that heals. Jesus said in Mark 11:24, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” I believe they will be healed according to God’s will for their lives. I believe the book deal I have been searching for is coming. I believe the man God has for me is coming. I believe the restoration of my family is being worked out accord to God’s perfect plan. I believe God is working all things out for my God. I thank Him for the storms of life because it is in my storms that I have come to know Him best.

There is a song I love by James Fortune called “I Trust You”. The lyric are “so many painful thoughts travel through my mind and I wonder how I will make it through this time. but I trust you lord it’s not easy sometimes the pain in my life makes you seem far away but I’ll trust you I need to know you’re here through the tears and the pain through the heartache and rain. I’ll trust you! Everything that I see tells me not to believe but I’ll trust you lord you have never failed me my past still controls me will this hurt ever leave?
I can only trust you no one else like you do

God I trust You!!!!

Activating My Faith

2009-01-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain, ’Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”. Matthew 17:20

The other morning God woke me up at 2:49 a.m. to tell me He loved me and not to worry about anything that He was taking care of everything for me. An hour after talking to the Father, I went back to sleep. I found one of the many dreams I had that morning very odd. In the dream I was trying to make it too the top of a platform so that I could spit whatever was in my mouth out. My mouth was so fully of something but I did not know what until I reached the top and as I opened my mouth diamonds began to come out. I really do not know what the dream means but I do know I am a diamond to my Heavenly Father, who has promised to give me the desires of my heart and to bless what I put my hands too.

Which brings me to the thoughts of this entry; I often tell friends and family members to trust God and He will work everything out for them, they just have to have faith. While Ryane was not taking her own advice, nope, I was not taking my own advice. I was not fully trusting God to work things out for me. Some years ago God told me to write a book, which I did after some initial struggles with the Father. But I have been dragging my feet in getting the book published. I first dragged my feet about publishing the book because I really did not want to open my life up too thousands or millions of people who I did not know. After all, my story was between me and my God. I got over that. Then I started dragging my feet on finding a publisher for the book. Sending query letters out ever so often but not really pushing the issue or following up.

Then at the started of this new year I was home on bed rest with pneumonia the thoughts of going back to a job and not walking in the career that I know God has ordained for me was at the forefront of my thoughts. I am grateful for my job in these hard economic times but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what God has called me too and that is to be an author. To write the stories He has and will give me. That is why I believe going back and being back at work these last two weeks has been hard because I know what God has called me to do but I have got comfortable with my job and situation. Which is not what God has called me to at all?

So I believe the 2:49 a.m. wake up call was a call to move forward with the plans He has for me. I am thinking about what the Father said to Jeremiah in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The other day one of the saints told me, God never calls you to do something without first preparing you for the tasked. He has spent the last fours years of our being together preparing me to take a bold stand in His name. I am ready to take that bold stand in the name of my Heavenly Father. With a bold stand forward, I am ready to step out on faith and self publish the glory story He has given me and to move into the things He has for me.

I am cast all fear to the side because perfect love cast out all fear and with the love of the Holy Trinity behind me I am moving forward in my call. So, my first book From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father will be out late February/early March no exceptions. I know God is going to get the glory out of this book and my life. I am activating my faith and stopping out on the promise of my Heavenly Father to take care of everything for me.

I have complete faith He will do so because He is a God that does not lie. If He said then it shall be done.

Received the Perfect Gift

2008-12-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday my Pastor preached from Luke 1:26-38 and he referred to Jesus as being a gift to us all. As I went back and read Luke 1: 26-38 which is title “The Birth of Jesus Foretold” and think about the Word God delivered through his servant Sunday, the words I continue to see and feel are hope, peace, joy and protection.

As many of you who follow this blog know it was doing the Christmas season fifteen years ago my family was devastated by tragedy. When this happened I did not feel hope, peace, joy, and there sure was no feeling of protection, I felt violated. But I do not want to focus this message on tragedies but rather on the perfect gift that God has given to all who would accept it.

I know many of you may be hurting for one reason or the other and trust me I wholeheartedly understand the pain you may be feeling right now. For many years the holidays were a struggle for me and I found no comfort in the perfect gift God has so freely given us all in Mary’s baby. But can you do something for me or better yet do it for yourself, please do not focus on your pain this Christmas season. Do not focus on whether or not you have the money to buy the kids anything or everything they want. Do not focus on the person who left you. Do not focus on the death of love ones. Do not focus on your finances.

Instead focus all your energy on Jesus Christ after all He is the reason for the season. If it were not for His birth there would be no Christmas. So, to those who are contemplating suicide, I challenge you to open the Bible up and Psalm 23, then read Luke 1:26-38, and then go to Romans 5:1-11.

To those of you who are missing a love one this season open your Bibles and read Psalm 23. It was in this Psalm that I received comfort and reassurance in the most difficult of times. It was reassuring to know “even as I walk through the valley of death and darkness God is right there to comfort me.” Let Jesus being your comfort this season and beyond. Do not focus on who is missing from your life but rejoice for to us a son was born and He is the Prince of peace.

I am reminder of what King David wrote in Psalm 27:13 “He remained confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” As King David, I am confident in my Lord that all who are weary, all who are mourning, and all who are depressed, you will indeed see the good of the Lord in the land of the living. I stand as a living witness because “He turned my wailing into dancing; He removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” Psalm 30: 11

Halleijuh to the King of Kings!!!

Please do not focus on the pain in your life but focus on the hope, peace, joy and protection that is freely given to us in the form of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

So this season receive your perfect gift, receive the Lord Jesus Christ. It is the gift that continues to give throughout your life. And remember what Jesus told the disciples before He returned to be with the Father in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Remember Jesus is the reason for the season. So instead of suffering during this season remember He came that we may have life and have it more abundantly.

Happy Jesus Day to you all!!! May God give you and your family the fruits of His Spirit which are love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control this holiday season and for the rest of your lives.

Please excuse any grammatical errors you encountered in this piece.

Who Can I Turn Too

2008-12-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

When one of God children is going through problems in their lives, they should turn to God for answers. But what if God is not answering their cries for help? What if they can feel the presence of the Lord all around them but can’t hear Him? Who can they turn too for assistance with the problem? This is the question I faced these last two months, after dreaming the most disturbing things about people who are connect to me personally and professionally and after giving in to unusual thoughts and imaginations I need answers to why this was happening to me so I turned to God but there was no response from my Heavenly Father and like so many of my brothers and sisters in Christ I decide to suffered in silence with these thoughts.

In the meantime I continued to seek God’s counsel in the morning, during the day and at nights to help me through this, to deliver my mind from these attacks from the enemy. I asked if He would send me a Joseph (see book of Genesis chapter 41) or Daniel (see book of Daniel chapter 5:12) to interpret the dreams for me, if He would not tell me directly what they meant. Still there was nothing but I could feel His presence all around me. After spending the last three years getting to know Him, I knew the silence was either He was trying to teach me something or He was trying to show me something. But being the sometimes stubborn person that I am, I just wanted to hear directly from my Heavenly Father, clearly He knows me better than anyone else. So He should be the person to tell me what all this stuff means and what I need to do. God who is the author of my life knows best what is going on, so at this point I did not want second hand information. I wanted it directly from the sources but He was not answering me. I contradict my prayer by asking God to send someone who could interpret dreams to almost demanding He tell me what they meant.

This last two weeks were difficult for me, writing this blog is a little difficult for me but if I can help somebody drawer closer to God than the temporary discomfort I feel is well worth it. I am within my Father’s perfect will for the life He has given me. It has been difficult because I am a very private person by nature and sharing my life with people I do not know is something I am not use too, especially the deeply private stuff, like this.

Then on Monday of this week I felt like I had reached my breaking point. I went to God seeking His guidance, begging for something to change then I saw the numbers 8 and 47 in my dreams. I knew the number 8 meant new beginnings but there was no meaning for the number 47, so I asked God, the meaning of the number 47. As I pondered what the numbers meant the Holy Spirit lead me to the Psalms but I was running late, so I decide to read Psalm 23.

Tuesday came and things seem to be any better for me, so as I sat in Bible Study class Tuesday night contemplating on whether or not to tell the class about what I believe to be attacks from the enemy on my mind. There was the Holy Spirit again urging me on to speak up. It was at the end of the class when we do praise reports and prayer request that I finally asked for prayer. If God would not answer me directly then I would have my brothers and sister petition Him on my behalf and that they did as well as encourage me. As our teacher was praying, God was comforting me, I felt at ease. The dreams, visions and images were an attack from the enemy but I remember the praise of the righteous avail. I also remember were two or three are gathered in My name, God said there He would be also.

It was then I heard my Heavenly Father talking to me, He said, “Ryane you are not an island unto yourselves, you need them and they need you.” It was in the hugs and encouraging words of support, that God revealed to me, it is okay to ask for help sometimes. Because you are my child does not mean you will not go through some problems in this life but because you are mine, you can count on some problems in this life. God said the difference between you and the people of the world is you have me and your brothers and sisters in the faith to lean on.

Here is the lesson I learned, it is okay to lean on others when you are feeling down. I do not have too suffer in silence when things are going on with me. My brothers and sisters in Christ are here to help me and pray for me and if God be for me, who really can be against. No one!!!!

So, when you are not hearing anything from God know that you can turn to your brothers and sister in Christ.

Please excuse any grammatical errors or mispellings in this blog, my editor is still at home enjoying her beautiful gift from God.

My Relationship

2008-12-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

How does one approach relationships when they have lived most of their lives with the notion “everything I love I loss”. This is the situation I find myself face with after I was saved. For so many years I have distance myself from becoming emotional attached to virtual everyone on this journey of life.

Because some of the people I trusted violated me and my family in the past I decided it was not worth the emotional heartache associated with allowing people into my personal and emotional space. So I shut down emotional and treated everyone like they just wanted to take a piece of me and did not want to add anything to my life.

This is the attitude I brought into my relationship with God. I could not understand why He loved a broken young lady like myself. The more I learned about the character and love of God the more I felt like I was not worthy of His love. See I came into my relationship with God broken from past hurts from people who said they cared about me and still hurt me directly or indirectly.

Due to the hurt I received from others I questioned God’s love for me in the past before I developed a personal relationship with Him. I felt bad for questioning Him and doubt Him in the past. But the more I learned about God, I learned, people may have hurt me but God has always loved me. He never stopped loving me and I thank Him for never taking His love away from me. I like what King David said in Psalm 27:10 “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” So, people may have hurt me but God has always been there for me. Whether I knew it or not, His had of protection and love has always been on my life.

I do not want to dwelling on the people who have hurt me because their 15 minutes of fame are over in my life. I am no longer allowing them to determine how I deal with current or future relationships. I am concentrating on getting to know my family members, reconnecting with friends and they are getting to know the Ryane God predestined me to be. The Ryane who loves the Lord with everything she has in her. The Ryane who loves to go out and fellowship with her family and friends. The Ryane who is outgoing and dreams out loud. The Ryane who believes in herself because she knows “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13.

I am now reaping the harvest God promised me and taking back every relationship the devil thought he stole from me and it should be no surprise that I am rejoicing today because I am recovering it all. Thank you God!!!

See God said in Joel 2:25 “"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten”. He does not have too but I thank Him for being so gracious to my family and me.

Over the last three years I have been in a right relationship with my Heavenly Father, I have learned I am capable of showing love and receiving love. There will be some people who are not meant to be in my life, who mean me no good. I thank God for His gift of discernment!!! He allows me to see people for who they are so I do not waste my time on people who mean me no good.

So old ragged Joe does not even get the number anymore and the previous old ragged Joes do not get a call back, nor do I respond to texts or emails. God is replacing old ragged Joe with Faithfully _________, I do not know his name but I do know the next man I date will be my husband.

I have no time for old friends or wannabe friends who bring death and not life to me. The friendships God wants restore are being restored the ones He does not are not. And I am okay with it. If God said this is not the person you need to be friends with that is fine by me. Since He is the author and finisher of my life then He knew they meant me now good.

God has given me my trust back, I am now able to give people the benefit of the doubt because I still believe trust is earned and not freely given. I am grateful unto God for renewing our covenant relationship, renewing my relationship with my family, renewing my relationship with friends and for all the new relationships I will build in the future.

I thank Him!!!

I Mourn No More

2008-12-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

It was 15 years ago today on a cold rainy December night that my sister Tracy who was nine months pregnant at the time was gunned down by our next door neighbor after an argument. The same neighbor also shot my mother, another sister and brother that night.
Tracy’s death was very hard for my too cope with. I would become suicidal, depression and destructive as a result of her death. Her death along with the death of my brother Ronnie would consume my life for over twelve years.

The road I will travel was a rocky one of disappoint, confusion, anger, bitterness, isolation, and rage. It was all directed at God. How could the loving God my mother and grandmothers told me about allow such a tragedy to occur to me and my family? Where was His compassion and love for us? Where was He and why if He was so powerful, mighty and knew everything did He allow this to happen to us? How could He allow this to happen to me? All these questions rested on my heart for nearly twelve years.

Over those twelve years after Tracy’s death I wander in and out of contact with God because I could not get Him to answer my questions of why this happen to me and my family. I knew God was real I just could not understand why He stopped caring about me and my family. As a result my relationship with God was a rocky and tumultuous one until one day back in August of 2005 when I answered His call in earnest.

It is three years later since I answered the call of God. The once rocky and tumultuous relationship is now a loving relationship. In my first year with God I learned, “In this world you will have trouble. John 16:33b" I also learned in that first year that I could “Cast all my anxiety on him because he cares for me. 1 Peter 5:7”

I learned the character of God and Jesus and more importantly I learned who Ryane was to God. It is so important for us to know who we are too God. We have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt the love God our Father has for His children. When I learned how very much my Heavenly Father loved me I was able “to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2b”

The more I learn and grow in God’s Word, the less I questioned Him “for His thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are my ways His ways. Isaiah 55:8" This is not too say that when things happen questions do not pop up in my head, they did, the difference is now the questions do not linger. I have come to the point in my relationship with God that I trust Him, so the questions I have maybe answered and they may not be answered but I trust God to working things out for me.

That is the difference in my remembrance of this day. The first thirteen was spent questioning God and mourning her; while the last two years has been spent celebrating her life and thanking God for her. The truth of the matter is God did not have to give us Tracy nor did He have to allow my mother, brother and other sister to survive the attack on my family. He could have taken them all that night but I thank Him for not doing so.
But I realize it is not easy to move on when you loss someone you love. It is one of the hardest things in the world to move on from. The death of a love one can break you it can cause you to question your very existing.

Naomi is a woman of the Old Testament. She lost her husband and two sons, Naomi was so destroyed by the deaths of her family members she told others to call her “Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me. Ruth 1:20-21" The name Mara means “bitter”. Naomi like myself was so focus on the lost and pain that we forgot God does not intention hurt us. He is not a God of malice intent. He is a God of loving and patience!!! We focused far to long on the mourn of our love ones that we could not celebrate their lives. I thank God for His patience with me over all those years.

Later on in Naomi life God give her a grandson name Obed who was the Father of King David of Israel. Like Naomi God is give me a beautiful great niece name Kelis and he is restoring my family even now. God promised to “repay me for the years the locusts have eaten. Joel 2:25” He does not have too but because He is a loving and giving Father He has given me and Naomi back some of what we lost.

So today I chose to celebrate the life my dear sister lived instead of mourning her. I am so grateful to God for giving me fifteen years with my loving big sister. While fifteen years does not seem like a long time, I believe it was enough time for us to express our love for one another. I can not tell you how to mourn your love ones but I ask you not to look at their deaths but to celebrate their lives. If we dwell on our love ones death we will never be able to celebrate their lives.

I love you Tracy!!!!

Please forgive any grammatical errors encountered in this piece. My editor is still on maternity leave with her beautiful baby boy.

Please Be Advised I Am Being Sanctified

2008-11-20T11:51:00.000-08:00

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

I recall the day I answered the call of God on my life back in August 2005, after saying the salvation prayer there was this overwhelming feeling of my burdens being removing from me. Then this little preacher man told me the devil was going to step up his attacks on my life. He went on to describe the devil as being like a jealous lover, who believes if he can’t have you no one will. I was thinking, all man, God how I am suppose to deal with this stuff, you mean the devil is going to keep pursuing me. So while I thought about what my Pastor had said about the devil it did not occupy much of my thought process. I was so overjoyed at what I believed God was going to do with my life the other stuff did not matter.

While I should have listen to my Pastor when he said the devil will step up his attacks on my life I really should have listen in Bible Study class when we talked about the stages of salvation and I should have paid extra attention when we study the sanctification process. According to Bible scholar Tommy Higle sanctification is the process of being made holy or different from the world. Sanctification is a life long process by which we are continual being change from our formal self to be more like Christ.

Now if I had paid attention to any of the above comments shared with me by my Pastor and other Bible study teachers at my church, my lows would not have necessary been as low as they were. For instance, the time I was ready to leave my relationship with my Heavenly Father because of fornication. I sat back in the sound room of my church tell God I can not do this thing. Telling Him this fornication thing was much bigger than me and I could not handle it. I was tired of disappointing God at every turn, so I decide to just walk away. Then God in His awesomeness said fornication may be too big for you to handle but nothing is impossible for me (Luke 1:37). He spoke through my Pastor and encouraged me to continue worshipping Him, continue praying, continue studying His Word and continue to allow Him to transform my life. Knowing that I who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6). I left church that Sunday more determined than ever to stay in the perfect will and presence of my Heavenly Father not really knowing what the journey would be like but reassured God would be with me for the ride.

It has been hard and no I did not change immediately after the situation. I was still having sex and still feeling convicted each and every time I did it. I believed God had the power to change me I just need to give up Ryane’s will and desire to change my self and let my Father do His job. It says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” When I begin to mediate and speak this Word over myself the impulse not to give into my flesh became doable. When I finally gave God this fornication issue and begin to praise Him for my deliverance is when I was able to stand against those attacks.

So come this January I will not only be celebration with my President Elect Barack Obama I will also be celebrating one year of celibacy. All glory and honor do to my Father who has once again saved me from myself. Has this thing been easy, no, but like the Apostle Paul said in Romans 7: 21, “When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” But can I tell you all who is also right there with me, who never leaves me, who King David said in the Psalm 27: 10, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” If any child of God should know something about the Father not forsaking you is King David that is why he later in Psalm 46:1 said, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” So now when those urges come I do what the Donald Lawrence song says, I encourage myself in the Lord. I begin to speak a Word of myself.

So as I continue on my path of sanctification this is what I know, I still have issues God needs to work out. I still get down for time to time when things do not work out the way I want them too. It’s then I have to reminder myself of what God said to the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 55:8, “"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.” My issues maybe and the situations in my life maybe but the God I serve much greater than any situations I am facing.

I must admit the sanctification process is not a walk in the park, this journey gets a little rough but I stand as a witness if you trust God it will all work out for your good. I like what was said to the Prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 40:30-31, “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I may get a little tired sometimes but my God will give me enough energy to make it. I may stumble and fall but my God will pick me up, dust me off and set me back on course. Thank you God!!!!

So I have come to the conclusion no matter what as I go through this sanctification process I am going to keep my eyes to the hills for which my help comes, knowing my help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121:1-2). I try everyday to live a life to the glory of God knowing He is in full control. I like the way the Apostle Paul put it in Philippians 3:12-14, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

I encourage you to continue in the faith continue to seek Him even in the midst of your storms because God is faithful.

Please forgive any grammatical errors my editor is home with her new baby boy Brandon.

Not to Fret My Pet

2008-10-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I was praying for God to give me revelation on what He wanted me to share today with those who will read this blog. His Spirit led me to a song I woke up singing this morning “Blessed Assurance”. The song lyrics: “Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine; O what a fortress of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long.”

As I begin to think about the lyrics of this song, God brought to my mind the state of the economy. I read a couple of stories on yesterday about people who killed themselves and their family members due to financial worries. Another story was about a 90 year-old grandmother who shot herself because her home had been foreclosed. As I read these stories I thought, is it really that bad to take your life and the lives of others.” God brought to my remembrances the situations I faced after the deaths of my sister and brother how I was so depressed and in such despair that I attempted to take my life. So, I understand how one can be so down to the point where the thoughts of suicide appear to be the only way out of your situation. I understand being so down to the point where you think about taking your life. I have even been to the point where I contemplated taking someone else life and if it were not for the grace of God, I would have done it.

But before I went too far into recalling these events, the Spirit of God reminded me, Ryane that was your former self. You are no longer in that place. Thank God for Your salvation, Your grace, Your mercy and Your Son and my Savior Jesus Christ!!! I am no longer at that place in my life where the trials of this world can overtake me to the point where I want to take my life or the lives of others.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” Psalm 46:1. I know many of you are going through some hard times financial, so am I but I know and I am assured that trouble does not last always. Yes, my bills are stacking up with the rising cost of gas, groceries, and everything else that has increased of the last year. I look into my bank account and wonder sometimes where does the money go and why does it run from me so fast. Then I remember what King David said in Psalm 121:1-2, “I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Then I remember what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

What I have learned from my Savior in how to deal with those situations life deals is to “trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:6. Knowing that “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” Psalms 30: 5b. That I can “cast all my anxiety on him because he cares for me 1 Peter 5:7”. So during this time of financial hardship do not turn away from the One who is able to meet all your “needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19.

I have learned over the last three years, as I moved closer to a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father, that no matter the trials I face God is right there with me. God has promised throughout the New and Old Testaments to never leave us nor forsake us. It is in the midst of our trials, when we have tried everything we can it is only then we turn to God who is always right there waiting to be our ever present help in times of trouble. He is right there waiting to answer us but we have to learn to put first things first. God has to be first in our lives. He can not be first in our lives only when it is convenient for us. We have to put God in his rightful place as head of our lives. After all, “he created our inmost being and knit us together in our mother's womb” Psalms 139: 13. Even before “He formed us in the womb He knew us” Jeremiah 1:5. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:11-13.

So as the financial markets and industries continues to do a downward spiral and it seems like your bank accounts are doing the same, Why not trust God to work it out for you Why not stand on the Word of God in the midst of this financial storm? Why not believe the Word of God? He will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He is faithful and just to do so. Do you know as children of the Most High God that every need we have on earth is taken care of? Yes, I know the bills are high and the money is low and it seems like God is not hearing your prayer. It is not that He is not hearing or answering your prayer, He hears you. You must pray in faith that whatever you ask of the Father will be done. The writer of the book of Hebrews described faith as being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. You may not see your bank account increasing or your bills decreasing because you are not operating in faith but instead you are operating in fear.

I dare you to put you to trust in God and put your faith in Him. Stop worrying about the bad economy! God sees what is going on and He does not want us to worry, so do not worry it only adds years to your appearance. Jesus in the book of Matthew put it this way, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

So, don’t worry, ‘seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” Matthew 6:33-34.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine; O what a fortress of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long.

No Need for a Back-Up Plan

2008-10-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

I had a story prepared to post to the blog but decide not to after I received a telephone call from one of my friends. She called to ask for my advice on pursue her dreams of being a restaurant owner and should she have a back-up plan in the event things do not work out. My answer to her was “you do not need a back up plan.” Here is why I believe she does not need a back-up plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 The Lord spoke these very words to the prophet Jeremiah and I know they are applicable to us today.

We all have a purpose and plan for our lives, so when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior that plan and purpose becomes clearer to us as we drawer closer to God. Before I answered the call of God on my life, I want to be a sportscaster. Yea, I want to be a sportscaster. I just thought since I loved sports, I loved talking about sports, and I knew about all the major sports in America why not pursue a career sports broadcasting. I went on to school, joined the broadcaster club, did an internship with a local news station, became a member of the National Association of Black Journalist and graduated from North Carolina Central University with a Bachelors of Arts in Mass Communications. I was will on my way to becoming the Oprah Winfrey of sports broadcasting.

Armed with my degree in hand, I was ready to take the media world be storm. But God had other plans for my life. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8

See after being away from home for so many years, I should not have been apprehensive about starting out in another state but I was. Yet, there was some apprehensive there. Furthermore, there was something on the inside of me telling me to come home. I knew coming home to Washington, DC was risky for my career being DC is one of the top media markets, which means it is very hard to get into as a fresh face journalist. So, I found myself during odd jobs in between job interviews for media outlets.

After being turned down more times than I can count, I found myself one night on my knees crying out to God for some guidance. I was at my wits end, tried of being rejected and honesty I was tried of seeing everyone else prosper in their chosen career fields but me. That night I asked God, what plans do You have for me, why was I here on this earth. I knew He had a plan for my life because I read in His book of life and I believed it.

The next day while I was sitting at my desk, God brought to my mind an article I wrote as a freshman in college. I wondered what it meant, I did not have to wait long for God’s response, He said to write a book based on the article. My response was to tell God, I was not going to tell the world my business. See the book I was told to write was how God had seen me through the dark days and how He was sustaining me through His Word, love, grace and mercy. I still hesitate at the thought of putting everything I had been through into a book for all to read. But then God brought to my mind the prayer I prayed from the night before and said, “this is my plan for you.” To use your talent of story telling, writing, the testimony I have given you and the spiritual gifts I have bestow upon you, I am going to use you to minister to my lost sheep. WOW!!! As a babe in Christ I was blowing away at the thought of God using me. Furthermore I was intrigue and wanting to know more about these spiritual gifts that God had bestow upon me. God answered my intrigue in the form of a Bible Study class on Spiritual gifts. I learned what my gifts were, what they were meant for and how to operate in my gifts.

The spiritual gifts God has bestowed upon me are the gift of encouragement, the gift of evangelism and the gift of prophecy. See in order for me to write, I have to have something to write about (God), I have to have a purpose for writing a book or this blog (so others will have a right relationship with God) and I have to be encourage myself (Holy Spirit) to write, to be an encouragement to others I thought evangelism had to be a face-to-face thing but God said I can uses your writing, as longs as I am in it, to reach those I am seeking to reach. The Apostle Paul wrote letters of encourage as well as evangelistic letters to the different churches and people throughout during his time. Not only telling them about the glory of God but also teaching them about a right relationship with God.

After spending time with God and in His Word I learned more about His plan for my life. I accepted the call of my life to be used for God’s glory and most importantly I want to operate in the plan and purpose God had predestined for me. He had a plan for my life way before He placed me in my mother womb. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” Jeremiah 1:5 My life was already laid out for me before I was a thought in my parent’s mind.

I know in my heart as well as in my mind God called me to ministry in the writing form, why do I need a back up plan when God clearly says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a human being, that he should change his mind."1 Samuel 15:29 So if the Father promised you He had a plan for you and He showed you that plan for your life, follow Him. He will lead you to where He wants you to be in all areas of your life not just your career. As long as I follow the plans God has for me I do not need a back-up plan.

So, that is why I told my friend she does not need a back up plan. If God instill in you’re the drive, the will and the purpose to do something, DO IT. “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” Philippians 1:6

A Cause for Celebration

2008-09-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

Alright, so it is birthday week for me and those of you who know me, know I love to celebrate my birthday beyond the day I was born. This is one of those milestone years for me I will be 30 years old on Saturday September 27. At my church when God is allowing a big event to take place and the joy on the inside just needs to come out, we just simply say, I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED, so that is where I found myself five days before my 30th birthday, SO EXCITED!!!

I know this is probably hard for some who struggle with this whole turning 30 businesses, but for me it is an accomplishment. Some of you may be wondering why I consider turning 30 a accomplishment, well, after my sister was killed I became severely depressed which led to suicidal thoughts and attempts. For most of my teenager and early adult years I lived in a depressive state. See, for me life and death was an everyday decision I had to make, was I going to given into the trials and pressures of life or was I going to try once more to live just one more day. This was the decision I had to make for almost ten years of my life until one day there was a knock on the door of my heart and the Lord said, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. Ryane do you hear my voice and will you open the door, So, I can come in and eat with you and you with me.”(Paraphrased) Revelations 3:20.

So, now when I hear songs like Marvin Sapp’s Never Would Have Made It, I smile because I know I am here, not because of anything I did but because of His grace and mercy. Mississippi Mass Choir has a song called Grace and Mercy, the song says, “Your grace and mercy brought me through, I am living this moment because of you.” The song goes on to say, “I want to thank you and praise you too because Your grace and mercy brought me through.” If you are like me and you know it is because of God’s grace and His mercy that you are better than you were, just thank Him right now.

For those who do not know about His grace and mercy, I dare you to try Him for yourself. If you have tried alcohol, sex, drugs and anything else to ease the pain with no results, how about trying Jesus. He can heal your brokenness in ways you could not begin to comprehend. I answered His call in earnest in August of 2005, since then my Heavenly Father has been taking care of His baby girl. I took Him at His Word and begin “being transformed by the renewing of my mind. Then I was able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Paraphrased) Romans 12:2. So, no longer is suicidal a thought, no longer am I ruled by bitterness, anger, fornication, alcohol, revenge, and destruction. I am living the life God promised me, taking back what the devil steal from me. And I am rejoicing today, for I am about to recovery it all. How do I know that I will recovery it all, my Heavenly Father tells me, “He will repay me for the years the locusts have stolen.” (Paraphrased) Joel 2: 25a.

So, as my 30th birthday approaches, I found myself at peace with life, knowing my best days are ahead of me. The LORD will bless the latter part of my life more than the former part. (Paraphrased) Job 42:12. As, I march on to the day in which my life begin on this earth I do so with gladness and a joy within me. A joy I know came from the God of my salvation, the One who called me out of the darkness into the marvelous light to be a living testimony to His goodness, mercy, grace and abounding love. The beautiful thing I have learned about God is when He answers our prayers, He sometimes gives us more than we prayed for and sometimes He gives us stuff we never asked Him for. So, as I continue to seek Him I know I have only begun to see His promises and blessings upon my life.

But there was a time I use to ask God would I ever be happy or would I ever have peace in my life. He has answered those questions and to be quite honest, God has done me one better, He has given me joy deep down on the inside and He has given me His peace. See happiness is a situational thing but joy is something totally different. The www.studylight.org website describes joy as the fruit of a right relation with God. It is not something people can create by their own efforts. We can create our own happiness but joy is something we get from our Heavenly Father. I thank Him for the joy He has imparted to me!

As I begin to reflect and celebrate the day I was born into this world, I look back with gratitude and a grateful heart. I am grateful to the Lord, for not only saving me but for keeping me, delivering me, and for loving me past life’s pains. I found myself smiling more than I have in the past, with a song of praise on my lips all the time, and a determination to continue to grow in the Lord.

And you know what, I feel like singing, Never would have made it, never could have made it, without You, I would have lost it all, but now I see how You were there for me; And I can say; Never would have made it, Never could have made it, Without You. When I look back over all You brought me thru. I can see that You were the one that I held on to; Oh I would have lost it all, oh but now I see how You were there for me; would have made it, never could have made it, without You; I would have lost my mind a long time ago, if it had not been for you. I am stronger; I am wiser; I am better; So much better; I made it thru my storm and my test because You were there to carry me thru my mess.

Thank you all and have a blessed week.

A Love That Is Beyond Understanding

2008-09-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

As a young Christian woman, I have faced many obstacles in my life with Christ and as well in my life before I knew Him. But the changes I faced with Him have been some of my biggest challenges to date. My life has been one of my ups and downs grewing up in some of the toughest neighborhoods in Southeast Washington, DC but through it all God has been my protector and my friend.

In 1993, my family and faith in God was rocked when my sister who was 8 months pregnant was killed by our next door neighbor after an argument. My mother, brother and other sister were also shot that night. It was this night that the little faith I had in God died that night too. I would go on to experience the death of my brother two and half years later. He was gunned down in the same alley where my sister was killed. Following my sister’s murder, I would go on to see many friends, neighbors and associates die violent deaths.

I became so discouraged with life that I fell into a deep depression. In this depressive state I tried to commit suicide four or so times. The last suicide attempt started me on a path to the only Person who could heal my broken spirit and soul. The last time I tried to commit suicide, I was almost successful. In my failed attempt on my life, God reintroduced Himself in my life. The day I was released from the hospital, my mother at her wits end and out of things to do to tried to help me out of this depressive state she came in my bedroom and dropped her Bibles on my bed and as she left out of my bedroom, she verbally and spiritually left me with God. I heard her say, “God, I tried everything I can think of; now I give her to You.”

I sat on my bed with Mom’s Bibles not really knowing what to do with them. When my mother walked back through my door to hand me the phone on the other end was my grandmother, whose words would led me to open the two bible in front of me. My grandmother shared with me these “God did not turn His back on you, you turned your back on Him.” So, after getting off the telephone with her, I decide to open the Bible.

It would open up to Psalm 23 and it was like God Himself was reading the words of this Psalm to me. As I read “Yea, thru I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff, they comfort me.” God was letting me know I am here for you Ryane, just turn your heart to me, but like Saul I missed my first encounter with God. There would be other missed encounters with God until some years later I had my on “the road to Damascus” experience. This experience did not take place in a church or any other holy place. It took place in my living room as I sat and watched television. Yes, as I sat there flipping through channel after channel the Lord begun to minister to my soul. He brought those old painful memories up of my sister and brothers death; other painful images started to come to me like the night my brother’s friend came into my room and molested me, the day I laid down and killed my baby. Those painful memories were followed by thoughts of my college graduation and more happier times but the happier times were limited. Then the Lord reminded me of things I was spared from like the night I went to a hotel room with a friend and two guys we really did not know. The guy wanted to have sex but I was a virgin and did not want to lose my virginity in that way. I walked out of that hotel room with my virginity. Then the day I was suppose to go out with this guy but at the last minute decide not to. Almost thirty minutes later the car was shot up and one of the guys was killed. It was at that moment the Lord told me it was Me who was watching over you through the happy times, it was Me who spared you from going through other things, and it was Me who keep You through the bad days. Then something in me said it was time to stop running from God and go home. So, I went and give my life to the One who was able to restore the lost years to me.

In my foolishness I thought things were going to get easier; even after I heard the preacher tell all of us standing before him that the enemy was going to step up his attacks on our lives. So, after about a month or two of being in the Lord’s house; I was feeling real good about things, I was been delivered from some of my afflictions. Life was looking good and then I had my first setback. One of my afflictions is sex and for the first two years of my walk with Christ I would wrestle with this afflict in my own strength and fail each time. It would be this affliction that would cause me to decide to leave the church. As I sat in church thinking this is my last time because I was so discouraged that I could not be faithful to the God who had saved me and loved me beyond anything my human heart and mind can comprehend. In my fleshly mind I did not think I could get this Christian life right and at that moment the Lord started to minister to my soul, as the Lord ministered to my soul the thought of walking away from the relationship we had started to build over the last two years disappeared.

There were still days where I felt discouraged but it was in those days the Lord kept me. For me I think some of my saddest and challenges days were when I disappointed the God who loves me. I look back over the times when the Lord provided an apparent escape from me and I still went and did what Ryane wanted to do. In His word the Lord tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand under it.” Each time I chose not to take the escape route the Lord gave me would end in me feeling like I had disappointed Him yet again. When I would talk to Him in prayer I would feel so guilty and thoughts that He should not forgive me came to me mind. I wondered why He kept forgiving me each and every time I sinned against Him in Psalm 51 it says “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that you are proved right when You speak and justified when You judge.” I knew in my heart that God would have been just to punish me for being disobedient to Him. But instead of punishing me every time I sinned against Him, when I prayed and asked for forgiveness, I found love.

It reminds me of the parable of the lost son in Luke 15:11-32, we go out and do our own thing and once we are broken and weary; we remember the Lord of our salvation. We remember whose child we are that we are royalty that we are children of the King of Kings; that we did not have to live a life of despair. It is in our brokenness that we return to our Father, who always welcomes us back with love.

See even in the most challenging of times in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, the times I struggled to understand why He loves a sinful young woman like me. Why He continues to forgive me time and time again and why He will not let me go is so far from my comprehension. I am just overjoyed that He chose me to be apart of His family. I might not know the why’s but this I do know, my Heavenly Father loves me!!! He loves me so much that he looked hundreds of years into the future and knew I would need Him one day. "For God so loved Ryane (the world), that He gave His only begotten Son, that if Ryane would (whosoever) believe in Him she should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). This is the love my Heavenly Father has for those He calls His children. So, while I do not understand why, He loves me I do understand that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. Isaiah 55:8” Thank You Father!!!

2007-11-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings All,

I just wanted to take a second and welcome you all to my blog “A Bab For Christ.”

As a bab in Christ myself, I think it is so important for us to share our struggles with one another. Just to let each other know we are not in this alone as the enemy would have us to believe. There is a large community of Believers in Jesus Christ out here and we need to stand together in unity in the faith to show the enemy and the rest of the world God still has fully control of the Heaven and the earth.

How does she expect to do this with a blog? I am so glad you asked that question. By offering an alternative to those things on the internet that promoted spiritual death; see spiritual death leads to suicide, low self-esteem, and fornication to name a few. I know if I do the work which God has called all Believers to do; He will do the rest.

As Followers of Jesus Christ He has called us to go out and make disciples and He makes that point clear in Matthew 28:19-20 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

In John 14:12-13 Jesus told the disciples “I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.”

So this is one of the vehicles in which I will use to answer the call my Lord and Savior has given me. As disciples we can use the internet as a tool to spread the GOOD NEWS and still go out in the community to spread the GOOD NEWS.

Jesus went on to say in the follow verses of John 14 that anything we ask in His name will be given to us so that the Father may be glorified.

So, it is the name of Jesus that I ask for the protection, salvation, and lives of each and every person who is or will read this blog. Father, I ask that you will continue to encourage them in the gospel of your Word and for those unbelievers and seekers of the gospel that You would changes their hearts and minds. May everyone who reads or hears about this blog lives be forever changed by Your Word and Your message of love, hope and peace! It is in the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I pray. Amen.

It is with the love of Jesus that I thank you and welcome you to A Bab for Christ.

God Bless
Ryane B. Nickens