Returning to My First Love

There is a song that says, “falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I have ever done.” Which I can attest to whole-heartedly! It was indeed the best thing I have ever done. The Word of God as recorded in 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.”

For many who follow this blog, you know 2009 has been a rough year for my family and me. I know the one thing that has kept us all from completely losing our minds is knowing an awesome and all powerful God loves us.

This morning as I made my way to work the thought of returning whole-heartedly to my first love was pressing on my mind, so I decide the blog post today would be about returning to my first love. Many of you maybe a little confused right now. No I did not at any point leave the Body of Christ (church). Nor did I stop going to Bible Study. Through all the storms this year has sent my way, I remained in the house of God.

However I have not remained in the perfect will of God. I have made very poor choices and I have done so deliberate in some vain attempt to slow down or stop the will of God from continue to manifest in my life right now. I have allowed fear of failure, fear of success and fear of letting people go stand in the way of everything God has for me.

Let me explain just a little of the three fears I allowed to interfere and cause my too sin against my first love. I can sometimes be a people pleaser, so the fear of failure comes into play because I never want to disappoint anyone. I want to always do my best and succeed at everything I do. When it comes to my relationship with Christ and living out the will of God for my life, it can sometimes become a little scary for me. I allow thoughts of inferiority to enter my mind. I begin to question whether I am good enough for such an Awesome God to use. I begin to ask God why me. I have asked God why me the last couple of months and His continues to tell me “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I disappoint the One who truly loves me unconditional by ignore the things He told me to do and not stepping up and just being the child He called me to be.

For some reason or another I have always had a fear of success, so I was always content with being good enough. This is the attitude I brought into my relationship with God. Being content with where I am in Christ is not good enough. The Word of God in 2 Peter 3:18 says I should, “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Meaning I should be growing in the knowledge of my Lord and Savior continuously until the day God calls me home to glory.

My fear of failure is directly connected to my fear of letting people go. If you are in my life it is because we have connected on some level. I do not allow any and everyone into my personal space. I can sometimes be very picky about who I befriend or who I talk to in causal conversation. So everyone in my life is here because they have qualities I believe are good enough for me. Well God has been telling me since the beginning of the year, I am ready to elevate you but everyone can not go with you. Meaning everyone in my life will not be apart of this next journey God is taking me on. Which makes me a little sad and also made me question God as to why? The answer I received was the same one he told the Prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 55: 8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Being the awesome Father He is God also reminded me what the Apostle Paul to the church at Philippi, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I have really struggled with the fact some family members and friends will only be sideline spectators as God moves me to the next level in Him. But the ways of the Lord I not always for me to know, He has His reasons as to why it has to be this way. My only part in this is to be obedient to Him and allow His work to be done through me, trusting in Him each stop of the way.

In recent weeks I have felt the pull of God moving me back to the intimate relationship we shared. I feel in my spirit and soul my spirit begging to be feed with the Word and presence of God. I hear an inner groaning saying, go on and see what the end is going to be for you know the One who started a good work in you will see it through to completion. You know God will never hurt you He will never give you too much too soon. You are at this place and time in your life because it was purposed for you, it was ordained for you.

The title of my Pastor sermon on Sunday was “Stepping Up and Stepping Out” and at the end of the message he give an invitation to all who felt God moving them to the next level. All I could do was laugh…God had once again given me confirmation He is still ready to take me to another level in Him.

So, I am stepping up to rededicate myself to my prayer time, my study time and to seek the face of God. I am stepping out on faith knowing I am being led by an awesome Father who is able to sustain me through any and everything I may face.

I am falling back in love and placing my love and affections to the One who has been there for me, who loved me in spite of me, who has shown great patience with me, who has forgiven me time and time again, who has always accepted me back with open arms and the only One who was able to love me past my pain.

Falling in love with Jesus
Was the best thing I ever, ever done

In His arms I feel protected
In His arms never disconnected (no no)
In HIs arms I feel protected
There's no place I'd rather rather be