Always Be Ready

In the book of 1 Peter 3:15, Peter tells the church, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” So, here is the reason for the hope that I have in Christ Jesus.

There was a time during my senior year in college when my life was spiraling out of control. I was drinking almost everyday, sex for me was just another thing to do to mask my pain and I was not taking my education seriously. I did enough to make a B in my classes and C’s were not that bad to me. I barely looked into Grad School or thought hard about my future. It was during this time I was living in my pain and taking past hurts out on me and others. I was slowing killing myself with the things I was doing to my body and putting into it.

My sexual behavior lead to an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy during the time I was suppose to be preparing for my internship with a local television station in North Carolina. My belief was abortions were murder but I find myself seriously considering it. It was also during this time a long time friend of mine was murdered. Despite my beliefs I decided to abort the baby because I never really thought I could give the child the life he/she deserved.

It was these two things and past hurts that would lead me to my knees months later begging God to help me. I knew there was something better I just did not know how to go about obtained the happiness I wanted in my life. It was there in my despair the LORD begins to set things in motion for the happiness I wanted in my life. He begins to send people my way who believed in Him completely. They begin to share their testimony with me, which led me to pray more and visit churches with friends.

I remember one day I asked the LORD to send me to a preacher who would teach me His Word. The LORD would answer the prayer on December 12, 2004, when I came home and visit the church in my community. I sat there and for the first time in a very long time I felt some peace. I figure now it was God allowing me to feel what a life with Him could be like.

It would be months before I would go back to visit the church and after another intimate encounter with the LORD in August of 2005 I answered the Lord’s call and give my life to Him.

So as I entered year five of my journey with the LORD, here is the reason for my hope in Christ Jesus. He found me where I was in the midst of my pain, anger, bitterness, regret, self-hatred, suicide and loneliness and HE LOVED ME PAST MY PAIN. He gave me a life and purpose. Each day I wake up I KNOW He is with me and through Him I will surely have the victory. He supplies each and every one of my needs. I hope in Him because in Him I found me. I hope in Him because He has never lied or led me astray. He has never broken a promise and everything I know will be okay because of Him.

I hope in Him because I would have never made it to 31 years of age without Him.

When You’re Hurt

Have you ever been at the place where everything seems to be falling apart? I find myself in that place back in June 2009 and I reached out to someone in my Christian circle of people I believe are mature in Christ. As I wrote in an email all the things I had been going through since January of 2009, the death of family members, experiencing God more than I had in the past, and feeling like I was losing my mind I asked/sought spiritual advice that never came. In the book of James 5: 14 says, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” At that time I felt like I was sick spiritual and I called on an elder of the church, with no response. This really hurt me beyond what I original thought it did. I find myself dismissal of this person I sought for advice to the point where what they say means nothing to me at times.

I believe I am hurt because I expect too much for this person and not enough from God. As I write this I know God is the only One who can answer all my questions. The only One who can help me make sense of what the last year of my life was all about. Knowing this does not totally eliminate the hurt I experience by seeking help from someone I trusted and for me to trust anyone is not the easiest thing for me to do, I was asking this person for spiritual advice. There were days where I thought about walking away from my relationship with God because of the hurt and pain I was feeling not only due to this situation but all the pain and unanswered questions I faced in 2009. Every time the thought to walk away from God came to me, He placed Psalm 139 in my spirit. Being the great Father God is He gave me the strength to endure and that is why I can move forward from this situation and all situations. I know the LORD will always be there for me, He will always be my strength. My Associate Pastor asked me one was God the joy of my strength I can confident say, yes, He is the joy of my strength because we I was utterly cast down He pick me up. When I felt alone He was there to make me feel like someone was there with me. When I do not understand many situations He assured me one day I would know the reasons.

That is why I must let go of the hurt feelings because in the end it is only hurting me. It is hindering me from moving forward in what I must do. So, with a forgiving hurt I am let it go. This one situation will not stop me from seeking spiritual advice from others nor will it hinder me from being all God has called me to be. I will recovery from someone disappointing me, what I can not do is continue to hold on to this hurt and disappoint.