Stepping Back Into Promise

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3-4

As I entered July 2011, I found myself in a place of utter frustration, discouragement, disappointment, anger and depression, which led me to a place of rebellion. Who and what was I rebellion against? God and His purpose for my life. After writing and publishing my first book under the guidance of the Holy Spirit I found myself at an high place with God in April and May, feeling like my season was of blessings were coming. It seemed to me like the wheels were now turning in my favor. Then came the slap in the face, as book sales stalled and my money dried up, I found myself questioning, if I was truly in the will of God with this writing career. If I had truly heard the LORD say, “He would bless the works of my hand.”

I begin to feel frustrated with God and His promises of my life. Why, if I had such an anointing, call and purpose on my life was I always going through so much? Why, did I have to ALWAYS go THROUGH and FIGHT so much? Why, could I get something easy? Here I was giving God may TIME, TALENT and TREASURE; only to see things go from bad to worst for me.

It was a day in July that I told God, I was not going to do ministry work, write another thing, pray, study the Word or anything until He blessed me. I was so freaking tired of taking a step forward only to be pushed ten steps back. In a state of rebellion I sat and did absolutely NOTHING. I ignored calls for my ministry team leaders, went to Worship service late (I am the Media Ministry team leader and I run the sound system at our late service, not a good thing for me to be late.) But here I was, so causal about ministry, catching attitudes, rolling my eyes and saying I do not care or whatever. What I could not understand was that even in my disobedience and rebellion God continued to tell me He loved me. In the two months I was in a rebellious state, God, reminded me of what Jesus said, “no one will snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all^[c]; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” He did not stop there, the words King David record in Psalm 139: 7-12 came to me, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

God reminded me that His Word was so much apart of me and who I was that not even rebellion and disobedience could separate us. I had done what David recommended, I hide the Word of God in my heart and as the enemy told me, my attempts to be obedient to God was all for not. If He was going to bless the works of my hand, why was it taking Him so long to prosper the very thing He told me would bless me? Where was my Jehovah Jireh when I needed Him the most? As the voice of the enemy grew louder and louder in my head, it was the presence of God and the Holy Spirit that kept me from going any deeper into despair.

It was a day in August when I know the rebellion and disobedience had to end. I know it was time to let it go and get back to be about my Father’s business. The last six years with the LORD has shown me He could be trusted with everything concerning me. I know God loved me! I went from a place of rebellion and disobedience to a place of just been in a rut and not really know how to get out. There was the desire to get out and continue to pursue the dreams and things of God. This week Habakkuk 2: 3-4 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It ^[d]hastens toward the goal and it will not ^[e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay” kept coming to me. It was not until this morning that I really gave the scripture much thought. As I contemplated what was said to Habakkuk, the promises God made to me came to mind. In the last three months I had lost my patience. I lost that preservation that God placed in me. I lost my determination to keep going no matter what. I lost my drive and ambition to eagerly pursue the things of God.

After three months I am ready to step back into my promises. Knowing that the vision (promises) of God may tarry but if I wait for them, I am assured today that God will surely bring them to past. I feel like going on in faith, hope, obedience, praise, worship, trust and courage to again pursue the things God has said are mine.

God Bless
Ryane

Relationship

Everyday I receive a scripture on my cell phone, today’s scripture was Jeremiah 17:7-8,"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

For the last three Sunday’s my Pastor has been preaching and teaching on prayer. He gave an acronym about how to get a prayer through R-A-P. The R represents relationship, our relationship with God. Relationships are important to humans whether we would admit it or not. We were created to be in relationship; first with God and then with others.

It is our relationship with God that allows us to fully understand what Jeremiah is talking about in verses 7-8. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. A relationship with God will build your trust in Him as you learn about His character, love, and patience’s. Then you begin to experience God and it’s through your experiences with Him that your confidence grows which leads to trusting in God.

Trusting in God is important everyday of your life but it is extremely important to trust Him when life gets difficult for you; when the storms of life coming raging into your life like a hurricane. It is then you see where your relationship with God stands. Will your troubles cause you to walk away from God or will you be like the man Jeremiah talks about in verses 7-8. The blessed man who trusted in God in good times and bad times; the one who continued to trust in the Lord, even when the heat of life came. As it will, Christ said, “In this world you will have trouble.” In His love the Lord forewarned of the trouble that could arouse in our lives but He went on to say, “But take heart! I have overcome the world."

You can only take heart if you know Him. If you believe in what is written about Him? What is said of the miracles He is still performing today? It is important to have a relationship with God because when the heat comes, as it well, you will be able to still bear fruit during your season of drought.

I know this because the last two years I have been going through a season of loss but I have also been able to bear fruit. I have been able to see God’s mercy and grace up close and very personal. I have stood in the heat of life and have ben refreshed by God day in and day out. He has held to His promises to never leave me or forsake me.

My trust in Him has opened up the door to peace in the midst of my troubles. I have not had to worry about food, money or a place to stay at all, even through I lost my job.
So, get to know God. Spend some time with Him and allow His love to move you to a place where you trust Him. A place where you place all your confidence in Him.
God Bless!!!

The Beginning of My Destiny

While a sophomore in undergraduate I took a class in Public Relations with Dr. T. Ford-Ahmed. She asked us to write an article to be submitted to a newspaper or magazine. As I think back to the assignment and the article I wrote, I see the hand of God moding me all those years ago for the day He would tell me to turn that article into a book.

Here is the article I wrote as a sophomore that in a few short months will be release as my first book.

Have you ever lived through what you believe was a nightmare? I have. I believed that the events of December 3, 1993 would haunt me forever. It would be this day that would shape the rest of my life. It would be shortly after 8:30 pm I believe when my sister’s friend would wake me up from my sleep to tell me our next door neighbor had just shot my mother, sisters, and brother. I sat up and looked at her for moment thinking, “What reason would Randy have to shoot my family.
So I returned to the warmth of my pillow and scolded her for playing a horrific game on me, “Get out of my room,” I yelled, but she would not go away. She shook me awake again, insisting I get up and call my grandmother.

I lay there listening to her try to comprehend her words for about two minutes before I heard the screaming, the sirens, the police officers and my sister’s daughter crying. I jumped to my feet, stepped outside my bedroom door and went to the top of the steps where my 1-year-old niece was standing. I took her in my arms while Kia handed me the telephone “Call your grandmother,” she told me again while taking my niece out of my arms.

While I was on the telephone, a police officer who stood at the bottom of the stairs directed me to come down so he could talk to me. I continued talking to my grandmother and yelled, “No, I’m not coming down there.” I was scared! I didn’t know of my family members’ bodies were down there or not. I kept saying no until an officer that I knew from school came in and asked me to come down. I trusted him and felt he would not allow me to see the bodies of my family. Still on the telephone, I walked cautiously down the steps. As I turned to face the officers, I saw my sister lying in our doorway bleeding. At that moment I knew my life would never be the same.

My grandmother told me she was on her way. I hung up the telephone and stood there thinking, “What could have made him do this?” Then I heard a paramedic say, “We have a black woman in her late 30s to early 40s with a gunshot would to the head, shoulder and leg.” I just dropped to my knees feeling helpless and weak. No one I knew had ever lived after being shot in the head. What would I do know? My mother! My sole purpose in life is gone! The woman who give birth to me and took care of me all my life may be dead.

At that moment, it seemed as if someone snatched my heart out of my chest and began to stomp all over it. I sat there thinking my mother meant everything to me. How could I survive in this world without here? How could this happen to my family, who I just saw alive and well hours earlier? How could this happen to me? What I did I do to deserve this?

I started to cry again. Then another one of my sister’s friends ran through the door and yelled, “Tracy is dead.” My 19-year-old pregnant sister was dead.
I went ballistic, kicking the television, screaming: My heart was completely broken. The comfort those around me tried to offer was simply not enough.

My thoughts returned to my neighbor, who had sat on the back porch with me and my family. How could he shoot them down as if they were nothing? This was too much for me to handle. I was 15-years-old and the life I had known was complete gone. I began to focus on my niece, so tiny, so innocent, precious and hopeful. How were we going to explain to her that her mother was gone and never coming back?

When I finally went outside the house of horror I found out my brother was shot in the chest and the leg and that he was on his way to the hospital.

I later found out that my mother jumped at our neighbor after he shot my sister and brother. She had to stop him from shooting her children down as if they where nothing. In the midst of them fighting for the gun, she managed to get her fingers on the trigger of the gun, shooting and killing him in the process.

All of a sudden another emotional overcame me and this time in was rage and anger. I could have shot, hit or stabbed someone in order to make them feel the pain I was experiencing at that moment. The people I loved were dead or on their way to an operating room to fight for their lives.

When I arrived at the hospital where my mother and sister were, my brother and aunt met me. They told me my mother and sister were ok and they should make a full recovery.

Another aunt called to let us know my brother, who was taken to another hospital, was also ok and should make a fully recovery. This was great to hear, but what about the emotional recovery? I thanked God for letting three members of my family survive the attacked but in the same breathe I questioned and was anger with him for allowing my sister and her unborn baby to die.

At Tracy’s funeral, I sat there feeling helpless. I could not believe the person I had grown-up with all my life was dead. She was the one I told secrets too, the one I went to when things were going wrong. Who was going to be my confidante now?

Following Tracy’s funeral I refused to admit she was dead. I could not and would not accept the fact we buried her and her baby boy, even though I had witnessed it with my own eyes. I could not accept the fact my sister and her baby were dead. My nephew never got a chance to take one breath in this world. It all seemed so unholy to me.
The months following their deaths, I walked around pretending nothing happened. I convinced myself she had only moved way and she would be back one day. I did everything the same as always. I went to school, talked on the telephone, went out with my friends and had fun like a normal teenage girl.

One day as I sat in the school auditorium, Tracy walked across the front of the stage. I was so happy, thinking, smugly to myself, “I knew she wasn’t dead; I knew she would be back.” But then, poof, she was gone. The person I saw was a classmate of mine and not Tracy. Tears of anger rushed down my cheeks. I wanted my sister back. I wanted to hold my nephew.

My friends took me to the counselor’s office but instead of talking, the counselor sent me home. She called my mother and told her what happened and suggested she take me to see a psychologist. I would start see a psychologist once a week for a year and a half I was still feeling the void left by the loss of my sister and nephew and thought no amount of counseling was going to full it.

It seemed like the more I tried to deal with it the worse I got. One night I walked into my bathroom looked in the medicine cabinet and decided to end all my pain. I could not take being without my sister any longer. I took some pills that were my mother’s and went to lie in my bed. But suddenly a voice in my head told me I did not want to die, I wanted to live and get through this.

I got up and called my father. He immediately came and rushed me to the emergency room, where I drank some black stuff that looked and tasted like charcoal.
This was undoubtedly one of my darkest hours. As I lay in the hospital psych ward in nothing but a hospital gown, I wondered what I did to make God abandon me when I needed Him the most. Was I an evil child? Is this why he took my sister and nephew away from me? I had lost my faith in God. When people would tell me he does everything for a reason, I thought, “What was His reason for taking Tracy? Why should I turn to Him?”

I was still trying to cope with my sister’s death and the multiple shootings of my family, when one of my friends was killed in a car accident. His funeral was at the same mortuary where Tracy’s was held. I replayed her funeral all over again in my head. This was too much for me. Why was I losing the people I cared about? What could I do about it? Nothing!

I was even more depressed than before. I thought nothing or no one could help me through this. Death appeared to hold a vigil at my door. Some moths later another friend was killed and then another. Every month it seemed like someone I knew was dying and all I could so was cry. Death was all around me.

I could not escape it; I knew God had it out for me. He simply did not love me any more. What was left? I attempted suicide again. I tried to overdose on some pills that I found. I lay in my bed and prepared myself for my death. When I closed my eyes I thought, “The pain is over, you can rest easy now.” I woke up the next morning to my disgust and wondered why God kept me here. If He did not love me, I wanted Him to let me go.

That is when my grandmother told me “God was not ready for my yet and He had a plan for me. You may not know what it is right now,” she said quietly and confidentially, “but He will let me know when the time is right.”

That same day my mother gave me her Bibles with some passages highlighted to read. I sat there in my bed and wondered if they were telling the truth about God never really abandoning me. Had I abandoned Him and His Word instead?
I finally did what everyone had been encouraging me to do. I got on my knees and asked God for His help.

Psalm 23 would ministry to me on many days when I felt like life was too much. I would try and read it everyday because it brought me comfort. I believed the Lord was my Shepherd; I shall not want. I started to believe God walks with you in your time of need; all you have to do is call on Him. I believed, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will feel no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and staff comfort me.”

Things started to look up for me. I begin to think about my future again and what I wanted to do with my life. Suicide was not the answer any more because I had God on my side and I knew it. I made a promise to myself, my family, my sister and my God that no matter how hard things got, I would never try to commit suicide again.
Months after making this promise, I came home from school to find out my brother Ronnie was murdered in the same alley where Tracy was murder only two and a half years earlier. He had been shot several times and no one knew who did this to him. All the pain I felt when Tracy was killed came rushing back. I asked God why He didn’t let Ronnie die that night with Tracy and the baby if He was going to let him die now. Why did I have to go through this again?

Suicide was not an option so I turned to alcohol to ease my pain. I was 17-years-old when my birthday was murdered, it was two weeks before my 18th birthday.
I was drunk at Ronnie’s funeral. I could not take being at that funeral home again. I sat there looking at my brother in the casket and wondering why? Not knowing who sis this to him was killing me inside.

The more pain and hurt I felt, the more I drank. I went on a four month drinking binge. It would take me looking in the mirror one day and realizing this is not who I wanted to be, so I returned to my God and asked for help.

Since the murders of my siblings I have watched many of the people I have grown up with are buried but I have tried with everything in me to lean on the Lord. I would loss two very dear friends to violent deaths.

The last 12 years of my life have been an emotional rollercoaster but when I submit to the will of God, is when I found peace in the midst of the storm. I used to believe I would never be happy. I used to believe inner peace was never gone to be mine. But the moment I let go and give it all to God, He begin to heal my broken heart. He begins to make me over in His glorious image from the inside out.

Healing, faith and deliverances are what From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father is all about. It’s about how I tried to make it through the storm without God and how He time and time again saved me, not only from other people but from myself.

God Bless!
Ryane

Dream Deferred- Wait

In the book of Habakkuk the prophet is told by the LORD, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald (or so that whoever reads it) may run with it. The LORD also tells him, ‘the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”

I do not know if you all have heard this saying, “vision comes before provision. God has given me a vision and He has implanted in my heart a desire to encourage, uplifted, inspire and share through writing the love of Christ Jesus. some years ago as I prayed about my future and the plans that God had for me, it was revealed to me I would be a written and the first book I would write would be about my journey to a fulfilling relationship with God. The revelation I received was to write. Write books, short stories, articles and this blog. So, for the last four years I have been writing and working on my first book From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father. This is the first book God has given me to write and I have completed the book, now I wait for the provision to self-publish.

It seems this year I made up my mind to publish the book finally. I sat a release date of May, but because of financially setbacks I had to push it back to August, which will know not happen; because even more financially hardships. The last couple of weeks I have found myself questioning God about the plans for my life. Had I really heard Him correctly that His plans for me was to be a Christian writer or was there a misinterpretation on my part. If so, what were His plans for my life? Was I operating in the spiritual gifts, talents, abilities He has given me?

I need to know if I was on the right path. I need the LORD to tell me if I was in His perfect will with this writing dream or was I still trying to get things in His permissive will as I have done in the past.

The answer to my questions came in the form of another thought for a book called The Righteous Man. It also came in an couple of emails sent to my personal email account about the blogpostings. How they had inspired, encouraged and helped the reader to stay on the path God was leading them on.

There was still apart of me questions God about the struggle of publishing this book and about the overall struggles 31-years on this earth has shown me. Was I meant to struggle through this life? Not so, according to what God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then there is what Jesus told the people of why He came in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

So, if I am on the path God wants me on and His Word tells me, He has plans to prosper, to give life and give it more abundantly then where is my book deal or the $8,000.00 I need to self-publish.

Which takes me back to what God told the prophet Habakkuk, “the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”

Here is what I must remember as I continue to work on my writing and wait on the LORD, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” My time will come because I know “…he who began a good work in me (you) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I have the vision and I continue to work on it, as I wait for the provision ($8,000.00 needed to publish first book) to be sent my way. Habakkuk said, “ 1I will stand on my guard post; And station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me.”

What will the LORD answer be to my request for provision to publish the book (vision); He has given me. I will let you know! Numbers 23:19-20 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.

Those who wait on the LORD will never be disappointed!

God Bless!!!

Test Are Necessary

Last Thursday was a very hard morning for me. As I continue to look to the LORD for answers to my current situation and future plans, I found myself spiritual frustrated with God. I found myself crying out like the old saints and prophets. Wanting to know, “why do the wicked and ungodly prosper so freely and things/life seem so easy for them.”

Her e I am a child of an All-Knowing, Powerful Father and it seems at every turn for me there is a problem or situation. I sat on the edge of my bed that Thursday morning crying and scream at God to answer me, to talk to me; begging and pleading with Him to answer the concerns of my heart. As I continue to sit there crying and crying out to my Heavenly Father, I heard nothing from Him. I got up from my bed wiped my face and told the LORD, “I trusted Him and would continue to seek Him for answers no matter what.” It was then in my silence I felt the need to play Marvin Sapp’s song "Marvin Sapp Not The Time, Not The Place." The lyric say:

This is not the time for giving up,
this is not your place where you should be,
not the time or the place to lie in defeat,
you got to hold on, you got be strong.


This is not not the time to question your faith,
this is not your place of destiny,
it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel,
you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.


Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose,
it's apart of life that everyone goes through.

Sometimes there's joy,
sometimes there's pain,
that's apart of God's plan,
it is His own plan.

I know it was God’s way of encouraging me to be steadfast in Him. As I fastforward to Sunday morning, it was my time to read (Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren) and my time in the Word of God. I thought I would read the Psalms, since they spoke to what I was feeling at the time. As I read Psalm 27, I heard Galations 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Then I heard Job, so I went to the book of Job the first chapter and read verses 21-22. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”

I knew in my heart God had not left me, for in His Word He says, “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So, I knew God had not left me during the last 18 or so months as I faced illness, death of love ones, lossing my job, unemployment, mounting bills, family concerns and financial adversity. I lefted the house Sunday morning reassured God will provided for me. I made my way to Sunday morning Worship Service and decided to listen to what has become my Sunday morning song “My Soul Is Anchored In The Lord”. I let the lyrics of the song reassure me and encourage to continue to trust in the LORD.

Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared


But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.
But if the storms don't cease,
But in case the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

Since, I operate my church’s sound system, I try to get to Worship Service at least 20 minutes early to prepare, so that I am not rush or unable to fully participate in Praise and Worship. When I arrived at church I sat in the sound room looking through the bullentin to see who was preaching and who would be liturgist for the service. Our Lay Leader would be preaching the message (which I am always excited to hear wha God has revealed to him, it is always a journey through the Word of God when he speaks). My eyes got very big when I saw the scripture he would use as His guiding scripture through the message (Job 1:6-12 “Job First Test).

It’s an amazing thing when God sends an confirming Word. I was sitting there thinking, “it was a reason God lead me to Job chapter 1 this morning and He was about to use our Lay Leader to tell me why.” The title of His sermon was “It Is Just A Test” but what I heard was “my dear child, Ryane, this is just a test do not despair.” I thought about what Galations 6:9.

I am here to tell you my brothers and sisters in Christ, as I was told on yesterday, IT IS JUST A TEST. God has not left you to die (spiritual, mental or physical) in your current situation or problem. I would like to share with you the three major test God puts us through reasons for testing that was shared with me.

1. God test our hearts.(That our hearts maybe purified in Him) 1 Chronicles 29:17a

2. God test our faith. (When faith is test, it is for us to become strong in the Lord and develop patience) James 1:2-3

3. God Test our obedience. (From time to time God will test our obedience) Exodus 16:4

If we view the testing phrase as God removing those thing/people out of our lives that were not suppose to be there.

Be blessed and know the LORD sees what you are going through and He will come through for you, so stay in faith.

LORD Is My Shepherd

Last night as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep, Psalm 23:1 came to my thoughts. It says, “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” After I read it I just continue to repeat it, then the need to read Isaiah 55 came. Then I was lead to Matthew 6: 25-34, it was during this reading I begin to think back to a 3:00 a.m. wake up call from the LORD back in July of 2009. The LORD had wake me up and lead me through Deuteronomy 28, Psalm 23, Isaiah 55, Matthew 6:25-34 and ending with Hebrews 11:1.

This was the order I read the scripture in that earlier morning back in July of 2009. But last night the LORD started with Psalm 23:1, I now understanding why, as I sit here writing this blog post, I know God started with Psalm 23:1 because I had to believe and trust in Psalm 23:1 to full grasp what He was trying to get to me in the rest of the scriptures.

See, after the LORD lead me through the scripture back in July, He said, “the doors of Heaven are open ask for what ever you want and it will be given to you.” One of the things I asked for was salvation for my family. This week I found myself before the LORD daily praying and praising Him for my family salvation. I have been feeling like something miraculous is about to occur. I can not really put in words this feeling I have had all week long. It’s like a kid on Christmas Eve, knowing that his/her parents got them just what they asked for but they have to wait to get the gifts. That excitement has been so overwhelming in me this week, knowing God is on the verge of doing some wonderful things in the life of my family. I am that kid on Christmas Eve just wanting to un-wrap the gifts but knowing I have to wait for the Father.

I am patiently waiting, working, praying and praising God during this time for I know the storm clouds are rescinding and the peace of the LORD is coming over my family. The faith I have in God has been tested to say the least these last three years. In the last three years I have wanted to walk away, I have been depressed, I have felt like no one understand what I was going through, discouragement was at a all time high, the call the LORD has placed on my life was in doubt, and the promising God had made me were in doubt. But thanks be to an awesome God, who provides sustaining grace and He has taught me that I can have peace in the midst of my storm. He has taught me through experiences with Him, I can trust Him no matter what with everything concerning me. Cause He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will lead me through the valley of the shadow of death and no harm will come to me. For He is my Father and He is my peace!

I am at a place where I can say, “What you (enemy) meant for evil, God is working it out for my good.” During the last three years my relationship with Christ has deepened, my resolve to work the plan He has for my life has only intensified, my prayer life is better then ever, and my faith and trust in God to be my every thing is stronger than ever and growing. I know for sure He is my Healer, Deliverer, Provider, Comforter and my Peace!

I can’t help but to look back over my life, my life apart from God and my life with God. I am so thankful for all He has done. The other night I was talking to my sister and she said, “Ryane you are strong.” This has been something I heard the LORD saying over the last three years, you are stronger then what you think you are. Father, I hear you and I know it is because of Your love and sustaining grace that I am. It is that same sustaining grace I know is available to my family.
As I wait and watch the LORD fulfill His promises, I rejoice knowing He can always be trusted. Knowing that The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

The Greatest Love Story Every Told

The last couple of weeks in various forms I have been receiving scriptures dealing with love. As I sat in Bible Study last night today’s blog post came to me. So, I would like to share with you all the greatest love story every told. The story has been told for many centuries and in many different languages. Yes, this story is universal. Some believe it the first time and others like me it takes a minutes to get it. The story is very long and it spans many lifetimes but it is well worth reading. I will give you the short version.

It started ions ago with a man, His Son and His Comforter. The man was very powerful and had access to the whole world. He was a creative Man and like to make things. He was what we would call today a move and a shaker. One day He was sitting with His Son and decided to make something so wonderful and beautiful, no one would every forget it. In the course of days the Man and His Son created many beautiful things and as they set back and looked at everything they created and decided to share it with others. The Man and His Son decided to allow this couple to live in what they had created. The couple seemed to be very pleased. The Man share with the couple some rules and regulations of being in this gorgeous place the Man had created.

If you are a fan of romantic comedies like me, you know earlier on something is going to happen that will separate the main characters and then someone or something else would take place to bring the main characters back together. In the greatest love story every told the same thing happens. The couple does not follow the Man’s rules and regulations, so the man is forced to evict them. There is an but here, the Man loved this couple a lot, so He did not want to see them out on the streets. He provided less gorgeous accommodations for the couple.

So for years the Man had tried to mend His relationship with the couple and their descendants to no avail. It would be times when they were in trouble and He would help them out of their situations, they would seek His guidance for a while before turning on Him. See, the Man was very wise and know things know one else know. The Man of the course of time continued to try and reach them. When they would ask Him to do things, He would give them their request. He was always there for them, just a second away each and every time they needed Him.

The story says, He longed for the relationship He had with their parents before the broke His rules. He had done almost everything to try and repair the relationship. So, the Man decided to send His Son to the people. His Son was very successful in talking with the descendants of the couple. We all know there is always a villain trying to mess everything up, the villain so the Son was able to reach the people, so he decided to put a stop to the Son. The villain thought he had stop the Son but he was setting the Son up to bring true reconciliation between the people and His Father. The villain had the Son falsely arrested, beating, mistreated by the prison guards and ultimately the Son would be killed. It does not end there thank God!

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.
There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." Matthew 28: 1-10

The Man (God) sent his only begotten Son as an atoning sacrifice for us all that we would be back to that perfect relationship we had with Him in the beginning. So, my family and friends “be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5: 21

The Bible is the greatest love story we can every read. God loves us so much and wants to be in a relationship with us. He does not want us to be perfect because He know we will make mistakes hence repentance but what He does desire is a personal relationship with us.

I thank JESUS for taking all my sin on Him at the cross. I personal do not think I could handle it. I thank Him for bridging the gap between God the Father and me. If what Jesus did on the cross was not love I sure would like to know what love does.

When You’re Hurt

Have you ever been at the place where everything seems to be falling apart? I find myself in that place back in June 2009 and I reached out to someone in my Christian circle of people I believe are mature in Christ. As I wrote in an email all the things I had been going through since January of 2009, the death of family members, experiencing God more than I had in the past, and feeling like I was losing my mind I asked/sought spiritual advice that never came. In the book of James 5: 14 says, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” At that time I felt like I was sick spiritual and I called on an elder of the church, with no response. This really hurt me beyond what I original thought it did. I find myself dismissal of this person I sought for advice to the point where what they say means nothing to me at times.

I believe I am hurt because I expect too much for this person and not enough from God. As I write this I know God is the only One who can answer all my questions. The only One who can help me make sense of what the last year of my life was all about. Knowing this does not totally eliminate the hurt I experience by seeking help from someone I trusted and for me to trust anyone is not the easiest thing for me to do, I was asking this person for spiritual advice. There were days where I thought about walking away from my relationship with God because of the hurt and pain I was feeling not only due to this situation but all the pain and unanswered questions I faced in 2009. Every time the thought to walk away from God came to me, He placed Psalm 139 in my spirit. Being the great Father God is He gave me the strength to endure and that is why I can move forward from this situation and all situations. I know the LORD will always be there for me, He will always be my strength. My Associate Pastor asked me one was God the joy of my strength I can confident say, yes, He is the joy of my strength because we I was utterly cast down He pick me up. When I felt alone He was there to make me feel like someone was there with me. When I do not understand many situations He assured me one day I would know the reasons.

That is why I must let go of the hurt feelings because in the end it is only hurting me. It is hindering me from moving forward in what I must do. So, with a forgiving hurt I am let it go. This one situation will not stop me from seeking spiritual advice from others nor will it hinder me from being all God has called me to be. I will recovery from someone disappointing me, what I can not do is continue to hold on to this hurt and disappoint.

Letting Go and Letting God have His Way

There are two bible studies I am undertaking right now, the first being one I started later in the summer about the suffering of Job. The other is one of the bible study class I am taking Journey into Overcoming, both dealing with suffering, trials and tribulation in life. Many of you who read this blog on a regular basis do not have to be reminded of the many situations and adversities I have faced in this life. I have seen death, sickness, depression and so forth. What I have gathered from Ray Steadman’s Suffering of Job and the first lesson in Journey to Overcoming is trials, suffering and tribulations all come to bring us closer to God plan for our lives.

As I look back on my life, especially the difficult times of my life, I can see the hand of God all over my life. I can see how He tried to redirect my steps in some situations and why He allowed others to occur. I am not saying I know why everything good, bad or indifferent occurred in my life because I do not understand it all. What I do understand is the love of God and how that has greatly impacted my life. There have been many trials in 2009 for me but there have also been many victories. I now can discern the voice of God clearly. I can hear Him speaking to me and leading me on the path He purposed and ordained for my life. I know for sure the gifts He has placed with in me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He indeed loves me.

In this season of loses and gains for me, I have found myself wrestling with God and the call He has on my life. I sometimes find myself trying to ignore Him or making up excuses for not doing the things He has called me to do. Yes, I have been disobedient to the Father. Some of my disobediences is due to fear and the rest is my uncertainty or at least that is what I tell myself. The fear part is real the uncertainty I am not so sure about. I know God has called me and purpose me because He has purposed each one of His children that He has called out of the darkness into His marvelous light. As He told Jeremiah, I know the plans I have for you.

I know the Father has a plan for my life, I am at a place where I am fighting His will for my life and I truly want to walk in that will but I do not know how to stop fighting Him. My desire is to be in His perfect will for my life…to lose myself totally and completely in Him and the plans He has already set in place for me. I just have not learned how to let go and let God have His way. I spend so much time telling Him what I want and how I would like things to be that I miss a lot of what He has to say to me. I spend so much time thinking about the way my life should be that I miss out on much of what He says my life will be like. I know two of my gifts are prophecy and exhortation. I know for sure the talent He has given me is writing. I also know that He wants to use me for other things but I am so afraid of leaving folks behind, moving to another level which would mean leaving people behind and letting someone have full control of my life, even though I know God will never do anything to hurt me.

So my prayer for myself and the one I am asking you all to pray for me is that I let go of fear and I totally let go and let God have His way and that His prefect will be done in my life.

There Is Purpose In My Pain

This morning as I made my way to church, I sat at the bus stop waiting on the bus reading T.D. Jakes book Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits. When I just happen to look up at the cloudy gray skies to see one specific area of the sky where there was a bright light shining forth. I continued to stare over my right shoulder at the bright spot in the cloudy gray skies this morning when I remembered though dark days come there is a brighter day ahead when you trust in Christ Jesus and are lead by Him. As I continued to watch the beautiful light in the cloudy gray skies be covered by the dark clouds, it seemed like the beautiful lite cloud would force its way back to the forefront. It appeared to me a determining in the cloud not to be hidden by the darker clouds, although the darker clouds surround it on every side.

My mind went to the current trials I am now facing and the trials I faced in the pasted. Then my mind went to one of my favorite bible heros King David. Who knew trials and adversity all too well! He faced many in his lifetime. Many of the trials King David faced were because of the anointing on his life. The purpose God had called him too, it was nothing David asked for, it was simply his God given purpose for being here. For many who know King David’s story, it is written in history he was a man after God’s own heart. As a shepherd boy David was anointed by Prophet Samuel to one day be King of Israel. As a result of his anointing and God given call there were numerous attempts on David’s life. Trouble just seemed to find David, who just wanted to be obedient to God. He did nothing but answer the call of God on his life. Most of the trouble occurred before David was ever placed as King over Israel.

I have heard many preachers say what I am about to write but I never really given full consideration to it until now. I am suffering because of the call and the anointing on my life. If I look at my life, not just this year even though this year seems like a lifetime of troubles, my life from the time of my birth, which my mother told me recently I almost dead because I was choking on something when I came out of the womb. Being reared in neighborhoods were shootings were as common place as fireworks on the 4th of July. Dealing with the deaths of my siblings, uncle and many friends who died violently on the streets of D.C.; then having to deal with my own personal demons of being suicidal, abuse of alcohol and the misuse of my body to try and numb the pain. Then trying to rationale in my mind how I could be so strong in my stance against abortions only to be faced with the option myself as a senior in college with my whole life ahead of me and to have to deal with the affects of having an abortion.

It amazes me sometimes that I am still alive. It truly does! I know God has spared me for a reason. As He told the prophet Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God knows the plans He has for me because "before He formed me in the womb He knew me, before I was born He set me apart; He appointed me."

As I live out my God given purpose, I see more trouble come my way. This year as I committed myself to truly living out my God given purpose, sickness, death, financial troubles, family problems and other issues came at me from every which kind of way. Like King David in the Psalm 25, the troubles of my heart have multiplied. During this year as all these things were occurring, God has been manifesting His gifts in me. Which is entirely another story and another set of emotions to go through. Dealing with death, sickness, debt and having your spiritual gifts manifest themselves in such a way that you had not thought of like the foretelling of the deaths of loved ones, I thought was a bit much.

During this time I have had two conflicting voices speaking to me. One is a loving Father, who said He would never leave me or forsake me. I hear God speaking to me, telling me to hold on, to stand and see His salvation. I hear Him telling me it is going to be okay that He will bring me out, I just need to have faith and learning the lessons He wants to teach me during this season.

Then there is the enemy who continues to tell me God will not rescue me. That all the problems I am facing will not leave me; with every bill, bad report, family argument, friend who has forgotten me in this storm and person who misuses or mishandles me, how could a loving Father allow His child to go through such pain and suffering.
My response to the enemy, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” Job 13:15
I trust God because I know through the study of His Word and my connection to Him that in this life I would have some trouble. He never said I had to endure the hardships alone. He said, “I could cast my burdens upon Him and if I became weary and heavy laden, He would give me rest.

So, if the path to my God given purpose has me walking through sickness, death, grief being misused, mishandle, financial issues and the like, I gladly and joyfully walk the path. For I know, “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD.” Psalm 23: 3-6

I know what the enemy meant for evil, God is going to work it out for my good. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

As it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Oh, there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…cause I trust in Christ Jesus and by Him I am being led, so there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…far in the distant I can see the light shining in the night and it has been a journey, my Heavenly Father but I go with Jesus cause He conquerors all.

I Can’t Give Up Now

This year has been one of many lows for me, sometimes I felt like giving up. At times I wondered where was my loving God in the many situations I faced. It was at those moments He remaindered me that "Never will He leave me; never will He forsake me.” Hebrews 13:5

Yes, you are facing some hard situations and yes, the trouble of your heart have multiply but I am with you.

During this year, which I have taken to calling my season of loss and gain, I have learned to trust in God with every fiber of my being. Throughout this season of testing and trials two sermons continue to play in my head, one is a sermon my Senior Pastor preached over a year ago entitled “It’s Just a Test”. The scripture reference he used was Job’s testing experience. So many people look at the many situations I have been faced with or I am now facing. I look sometimes at my trials and wonder why I have not lost my mind then God reminders me that He is keeping me. Yes, I have lost my Granny and cousin, my job, my finances are what they are but I have not lost the love, peace, joy and protection of an Awesome God. He is still there protecting me during this storm. So as I think about the sermon and Job’s experience I know God will bring me out just like He did for Job. I have to weather this storm and learn the lessons God wants to teach me and show me during this testing season.

The other sermon is one my Associate Pastor preached entitled “Out of Your Egypt”. The scripture he used was the Israelites’ captive and ultimate exodus out of Egypt. I went back last week and re-listen to the sermon. Pastor B said, you can be blessed in your Egypt. I must have missed this point in the sermon and has been over a year since I heard it. I could not understand it but as I looked at my present Egypt experience I am being blessed. God is revealing folks true character to me. He is showing me more and more of His grace and mercy. He has taught me how to truly appreciate what we sometimes call the smaller things in life. He has shown me those who truly love me for me. He has also revealed the things I need to be delivered from like pride, poor stewardship and poor time management.

So, as the storms of life rage on I chose to believe God and allow His Word to navigate me through the tough times. Like King David, I too, “lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121”

I am my Heavenly Father’s child, Jesus is my Savior and that means I will always triumph of the obstacles of life. Because God is my help and He remains faithful to His Word to always come to my rescue, I continue to trust in Him and to seek Him during these trying times.
I know I can’t give up and I will not give up. Like the Apostle Paul, I too, am” confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Another song I love is Mary Mary’s I Can’t Give Up Now:

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

Never give up on God because He will never give up on you. Let Him walk you through the storms and allow Him to heal you.

Be blessed!!!