It took years for me to piece together what actually happened thatnight. I shared with the student body, what I understood to be the turn
of events that led to the tragedy. Some parts of it we will never know,
but I shared with them as best as I could. Our next-door neighbor owed
Tracy some money. The neighbor’s daughter came over to our house
and told Tracy her mother was in a crack house smoking her money up
with the neighbor’s brother. Tracy was upset and went to the house
looking for her. She found her and asked for her money. The lady
started to curse and resolved that she was not going to give Tracy
anything.” Tracy told her simply, “You WILL give me my money”
and she began to walk away. The lady threw a beer can at Tracy and
all hell broke loose. Tracy started to walk away but didn’t. After the
lady throw the beer can Tracy went back to confront her further and
that was when, Charles, the woman’s son, came out and begin to hit
Tracy. My other sister Danielle then joined in the altercation. One of
their friends went to tell my mother about the fight. My mom and my
brother Ronnie went down the alley from our house where my sisters
were to see what was going on. This is where the story gets fuzzy for
me. It was not clear then and it still is not clear who had the gun. The
gun was there and it was in Charles’s hand. He shot Tracy first as his
mother looked on and screamed, “Kill all of them.”
Charles turned the gun on Ronnie and shot him, then Danielle.
My mother could not stand by and watch her children be shot down by
this man as if they were nothing. She jumped on Charles and struggled
with him for the gun. In the process, my mother was shot twice, once
in the head and a second time in the leg. She managed enough strength
to wrestle the gun away from him; it was then she shot and killed him.
It’s crazy how in a few minutes your life changes completely.
Our mother warned Tracy that the neighbor was going to be the
cause of her death. She told her if you keep messing with her and her
family, she is going to be the cause of Stacey growing up without a
mother and you being dead. And in a couple of days her words rang
true and our lives were changed forever.
When I got to the part where my mother shot and killed Charles,
the whole auditorium erupted in cheer. Was there anything to cheer
about in this situation? I am more than grateful to my mother for doing
what she did and I understand her reasoning for her actions, but there
were no winners in this situation. Both families lost. It is fair for me
say that Charles was high on drugs the night he turned a gun on my
family. I do not know if he had been sober if the outcome of the
situation would have been different. I wish and pray that it would
have, but what’s done is done. We just had to learn from it and go on.
While my classmates cheered my mom like a hero at the end of a fairy
tale, I didn’t have the words to explain to them that resolution doesn’t
come that easy. I couldn’t silence their cheers and take them through
the journey of my pain. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs and
tell them that Charles’ life was not as ransom for what had been stolen
from my family on that day was greater. I couldn’t tell them about the
mental breakdowns my mother suffered or the visions of my sister in
my mind that plagued me from time to time.
They wouldn’t understand that part of it – so I left them in a happy place, though I
was stripped emotionally and damaged spiritually. I let the applause
echo in my head for moments after, when it was silent. I simply
thanked them for their attention, but they had no idea of the story
behind the story. I wish I would have told them be careful what you
cheer for. That ending was not a happy ending at all.
Purchase your copy of From the Gutters to a Mansion by going to www.lulu.com/buy and typing in From the Gutters to a Mansion.
Thank you!!!
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Showing posts with label finding God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finding God. Show all posts
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Power to Prosper: 21 Day Financial Fast_ Day 1
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6
A couple of weeks ago I started working on my 5-year life plan. As I looked at the areas of my life I wanted to set goals for I felt pretty good about all but one. My finances!!! I am going to go ahead and admit I am horrible with money. I spend, spend and think about the cost later on. So, I looked at the financial section of my 5-year life plan and thought I would save that portion for last. But in the last week, my finances have been at the top of my discussions with God. I feel trapped in debt, mad at myself for making so many bad choices, and really unsure of how to rein in my spending. How do I break myself out of this poor money management system or the lack of any system?
It was a couple of months ago that I picked up Michelle Singletary book “The Power To Prosper: 21 Days to Financial Freedom”. I read the Acknowledgements and the introduction chapter then put it down and did not pick it back up until it was time to return it back to the library. I have made myself become accustom to be in the library to write at least four days a week. While I was in the back waiting for something, I found myself standing next to the books on finances and again there was Michelle Singletary’s book. I looked at it and it looked at me…then something within me told me to pick it up and try again. So, I picked the book up again. Thinking to myself am I really going to be able to complete a 21 day financial fast, in which, I purchase nothing but the bare essentials. Am I even capable of doing something like this?
Not sure if I am capable but the next 21 days will tell me if I am capable of not spending money on anything but the bare essentials. In the book Michelle Singletary suggested we keep a journey and this will be my journey…you guys already know all my business anyway…why not take this journey with me. She also has an assignment at the end of each reading for the next 21 days.
21 Days to Go: Breaking Bonds
Main Point: We need to be set free from the bondage spending holds on our lives.
My Pledge: For the next twenty-one days, I will be on a spending diet. I will not shop for anything except necessities. I will not use my credit card. I will limit or eliminate the use of my debit card. I will use cash for purchases I make during the fast. In this way, I will strive to break the chains that keep me from achieving financial freedom.
Daily Assignment: Make a list of any potential obstacles that may prevent you from sticking to the fast and then decide how to eliminate them. For example, instead of putting your credit cards in a drawer or file cabinet, freeze them. Yes, that’s what I said. Put the cards in the freezer. That’s what one person did so that she wouldn’t be tempted to use her cards. If you are a shopaholic, you may need to change your driving pattern so that you don’t go near your favorite shopping places.
Take this pledge and then sign your name on the line below:
“I promise to follow the 21-day financial fast so that I may put myself on the path of prosperity and financial freedom.”
Ryane Belynda Nickens
My List:
Food- I go to the gym five days a week in between the timeframe of 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. each day and then to the library. According to the trainer I need to eat at least 5 small meals a day, which means I stop at local sandwich shop or fast food store to pick something up for lunch. For the next 21 days I will pack a lunch and snacks to take with me and eat that instead of going to a restaurant.
I Need-I living under the assumption that I need everything that I purchase, when in reality I know I do not. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me in making the right financial choices over the next 21 days and everyday after that.
So, the journey begins…wish me luck!!!
A couple of weeks ago I started working on my 5-year life plan. As I looked at the areas of my life I wanted to set goals for I felt pretty good about all but one. My finances!!! I am going to go ahead and admit I am horrible with money. I spend, spend and think about the cost later on. So, I looked at the financial section of my 5-year life plan and thought I would save that portion for last. But in the last week, my finances have been at the top of my discussions with God. I feel trapped in debt, mad at myself for making so many bad choices, and really unsure of how to rein in my spending. How do I break myself out of this poor money management system or the lack of any system?
It was a couple of months ago that I picked up Michelle Singletary book “The Power To Prosper: 21 Days to Financial Freedom”. I read the Acknowledgements and the introduction chapter then put it down and did not pick it back up until it was time to return it back to the library. I have made myself become accustom to be in the library to write at least four days a week. While I was in the back waiting for something, I found myself standing next to the books on finances and again there was Michelle Singletary’s book. I looked at it and it looked at me…then something within me told me to pick it up and try again. So, I picked the book up again. Thinking to myself am I really going to be able to complete a 21 day financial fast, in which, I purchase nothing but the bare essentials. Am I even capable of doing something like this?
Not sure if I am capable but the next 21 days will tell me if I am capable of not spending money on anything but the bare essentials. In the book Michelle Singletary suggested we keep a journey and this will be my journey…you guys already know all my business anyway…why not take this journey with me. She also has an assignment at the end of each reading for the next 21 days.
21 Days to Go: Breaking Bonds
Main Point: We need to be set free from the bondage spending holds on our lives.
My Pledge: For the next twenty-one days, I will be on a spending diet. I will not shop for anything except necessities. I will not use my credit card. I will limit or eliminate the use of my debit card. I will use cash for purchases I make during the fast. In this way, I will strive to break the chains that keep me from achieving financial freedom.
Daily Assignment: Make a list of any potential obstacles that may prevent you from sticking to the fast and then decide how to eliminate them. For example, instead of putting your credit cards in a drawer or file cabinet, freeze them. Yes, that’s what I said. Put the cards in the freezer. That’s what one person did so that she wouldn’t be tempted to use her cards. If you are a shopaholic, you may need to change your driving pattern so that you don’t go near your favorite shopping places.
Take this pledge and then sign your name on the line below:
“I promise to follow the 21-day financial fast so that I may put myself on the path of prosperity and financial freedom.”
Ryane Belynda Nickens
My List:
Food- I go to the gym five days a week in between the timeframe of 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. each day and then to the library. According to the trainer I need to eat at least 5 small meals a day, which means I stop at local sandwich shop or fast food store to pick something up for lunch. For the next 21 days I will pack a lunch and snacks to take with me and eat that instead of going to a restaurant.
I Need-I living under the assumption that I need everything that I purchase, when in reality I know I do not. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me in making the right financial choices over the next 21 days and everyday after that.
So, the journey begins…wish me luck!!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Dream Deferred- Wait
In the book of Habakkuk the prophet is told by the LORD, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald (or so that whoever reads it) may run with it. The LORD also tells him, ‘the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
I do not know if you all have heard this saying, “vision comes before provision. God has given me a vision and He has implanted in my heart a desire to encourage, uplifted, inspire and share through writing the love of Christ Jesus. some years ago as I prayed about my future and the plans that God had for me, it was revealed to me I would be a written and the first book I would write would be about my journey to a fulfilling relationship with God. The revelation I received was to write. Write books, short stories, articles and this blog. So, for the last four years I have been writing and working on my first book From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father. This is the first book God has given me to write and I have completed the book, now I wait for the provision to self-publish.
It seems this year I made up my mind to publish the book finally. I sat a release date of May, but because of financially setbacks I had to push it back to August, which will know not happen; because even more financially hardships. The last couple of weeks I have found myself questioning God about the plans for my life. Had I really heard Him correctly that His plans for me was to be a Christian writer or was there a misinterpretation on my part. If so, what were His plans for my life? Was I operating in the spiritual gifts, talents, abilities He has given me?
I need to know if I was on the right path. I need the LORD to tell me if I was in His perfect will with this writing dream or was I still trying to get things in His permissive will as I have done in the past.
The answer to my questions came in the form of another thought for a book called The Righteous Man. It also came in an couple of emails sent to my personal email account about the blogpostings. How they had inspired, encouraged and helped the reader to stay on the path God was leading them on.
There was still apart of me questions God about the struggle of publishing this book and about the overall struggles 31-years on this earth has shown me. Was I meant to struggle through this life? Not so, according to what God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then there is what Jesus told the people of why He came in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
So, if I am on the path God wants me on and His Word tells me, He has plans to prosper, to give life and give it more abundantly then where is my book deal or the $8,000.00 I need to self-publish.
Which takes me back to what God told the prophet Habakkuk, “the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
Here is what I must remember as I continue to work on my writing and wait on the LORD, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” My time will come because I know “…he who began a good work in me (you) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I have the vision and I continue to work on it, as I wait for the provision ($8,000.00 needed to publish first book) to be sent my way. Habakkuk said, “ 1I will stand on my guard post; And station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me.”
What will the LORD answer be to my request for provision to publish the book (vision); He has given me. I will let you know! Numbers 23:19-20 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.
Those who wait on the LORD will never be disappointed!
God Bless!!!
I do not know if you all have heard this saying, “vision comes before provision. God has given me a vision and He has implanted in my heart a desire to encourage, uplifted, inspire and share through writing the love of Christ Jesus. some years ago as I prayed about my future and the plans that God had for me, it was revealed to me I would be a written and the first book I would write would be about my journey to a fulfilling relationship with God. The revelation I received was to write. Write books, short stories, articles and this blog. So, for the last four years I have been writing and working on my first book From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to My Heavenly Father. This is the first book God has given me to write and I have completed the book, now I wait for the provision to self-publish.
It seems this year I made up my mind to publish the book finally. I sat a release date of May, but because of financially setbacks I had to push it back to August, which will know not happen; because even more financially hardships. The last couple of weeks I have found myself questioning God about the plans for my life. Had I really heard Him correctly that His plans for me was to be a Christian writer or was there a misinterpretation on my part. If so, what were His plans for my life? Was I operating in the spiritual gifts, talents, abilities He has given me?
I need to know if I was on the right path. I need the LORD to tell me if I was in His perfect will with this writing dream or was I still trying to get things in His permissive will as I have done in the past.
The answer to my questions came in the form of another thought for a book called The Righteous Man. It also came in an couple of emails sent to my personal email account about the blogpostings. How they had inspired, encouraged and helped the reader to stay on the path God was leading them on.
There was still apart of me questions God about the struggle of publishing this book and about the overall struggles 31-years on this earth has shown me. Was I meant to struggle through this life? Not so, according to what God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then there is what Jesus told the people of why He came in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
So, if I am on the path God wants me on and His Word tells me, He has plans to prosper, to give life and give it more abundantly then where is my book deal or the $8,000.00 I need to self-publish.
Which takes me back to what God told the prophet Habakkuk, “the revelation awaits an appointed time’...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
Here is what I must remember as I continue to work on my writing and wait on the LORD, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” My time will come because I know “…he who began a good work in me (you) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I have the vision and I continue to work on it, as I wait for the provision ($8,000.00 needed to publish first book) to be sent my way. Habakkuk said, “ 1I will stand on my guard post; And station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me.”
What will the LORD answer be to my request for provision to publish the book (vision); He has given me. I will let you know! Numbers 23:19-20 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.
Those who wait on the LORD will never be disappointed!
God Bless!!!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Test Are Necessary
Last Thursday was a very hard morning for me. As I continue to look to the LORD for answers to my current situation and future plans, I found myself spiritual frustrated with God. I found myself crying out like the old saints and prophets. Wanting to know, “why do the wicked and ungodly prosper so freely and things/life seem so easy for them.”
Her e I am a child of an All-Knowing, Powerful Father and it seems at every turn for me there is a problem or situation. I sat on the edge of my bed that Thursday morning crying and scream at God to answer me, to talk to me; begging and pleading with Him to answer the concerns of my heart. As I continue to sit there crying and crying out to my Heavenly Father, I heard nothing from Him. I got up from my bed wiped my face and told the LORD, “I trusted Him and would continue to seek Him for answers no matter what.” It was then in my silence I felt the need to play Marvin Sapp’s song "Marvin Sapp Not The Time, Not The Place." The lyric say:
This is not the time for giving up,
this is not your place where you should be,
not the time or the place to lie in defeat,
you got to hold on, you got be strong.
This is not not the time to question your faith,
this is not your place of destiny,
it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel,
you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.
Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose,
it's apart of life that everyone goes through.
Sometimes there's joy,
sometimes there's pain,
that's apart of God's plan,
it is His own plan.
I know it was God’s way of encouraging me to be steadfast in Him. As I fastforward to Sunday morning, it was my time to read (Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren) and my time in the Word of God. I thought I would read the Psalms, since they spoke to what I was feeling at the time. As I read Psalm 27, I heard Galations 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Then I heard Job, so I went to the book of Job the first chapter and read verses 21-22. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”
I knew in my heart God had not left me, for in His Word He says, “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So, I knew God had not left me during the last 18 or so months as I faced illness, death of love ones, lossing my job, unemployment, mounting bills, family concerns and financial adversity. I lefted the house Sunday morning reassured God will provided for me. I made my way to Sunday morning Worship Service and decided to listen to what has become my Sunday morning song “My Soul Is Anchored In The Lord”. I let the lyrics of the song reassure me and encourage to continue to trust in the LORD.
Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared
But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.
But if the storms don't cease,
But in case the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
Since, I operate my church’s sound system, I try to get to Worship Service at least 20 minutes early to prepare, so that I am not rush or unable to fully participate in Praise and Worship. When I arrived at church I sat in the sound room looking through the bullentin to see who was preaching and who would be liturgist for the service. Our Lay Leader would be preaching the message (which I am always excited to hear wha God has revealed to him, it is always a journey through the Word of God when he speaks). My eyes got very big when I saw the scripture he would use as His guiding scripture through the message (Job 1:6-12 “Job First Test).
It’s an amazing thing when God sends an confirming Word. I was sitting there thinking, “it was a reason God lead me to Job chapter 1 this morning and He was about to use our Lay Leader to tell me why.” The title of His sermon was “It Is Just A Test” but what I heard was “my dear child, Ryane, this is just a test do not despair.” I thought about what Galations 6:9.
I am here to tell you my brothers and sisters in Christ, as I was told on yesterday, IT IS JUST A TEST. God has not left you to die (spiritual, mental or physical) in your current situation or problem. I would like to share with you the three major test God puts us through reasons for testing that was shared with me.
1. God test our hearts.(That our hearts maybe purified in Him) 1 Chronicles 29:17a
2. God test our faith. (When faith is test, it is for us to become strong in the Lord and develop patience) James 1:2-3
3. God Test our obedience. (From time to time God will test our obedience) Exodus 16:4
If we view the testing phrase as God removing those thing/people out of our lives that were not suppose to be there.
Be blessed and know the LORD sees what you are going through and He will come through for you, so stay in faith.
Her e I am a child of an All-Knowing, Powerful Father and it seems at every turn for me there is a problem or situation. I sat on the edge of my bed that Thursday morning crying and scream at God to answer me, to talk to me; begging and pleading with Him to answer the concerns of my heart. As I continue to sit there crying and crying out to my Heavenly Father, I heard nothing from Him. I got up from my bed wiped my face and told the LORD, “I trusted Him and would continue to seek Him for answers no matter what.” It was then in my silence I felt the need to play Marvin Sapp’s song "Marvin Sapp Not The Time, Not The Place." The lyric say:
This is not the time for giving up,
this is not your place where you should be,
not the time or the place to lie in defeat,
you got to hold on, you got be strong.
This is not not the time to question your faith,
this is not your place of destiny,
it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel,
you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.
Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose,
it's apart of life that everyone goes through.
Sometimes there's joy,
sometimes there's pain,
that's apart of God's plan,
it is His own plan.
I know it was God’s way of encouraging me to be steadfast in Him. As I fastforward to Sunday morning, it was my time to read (Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren) and my time in the Word of God. I thought I would read the Psalms, since they spoke to what I was feeling at the time. As I read Psalm 27, I heard Galations 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Then I heard Job, so I went to the book of Job the first chapter and read verses 21-22. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”
I knew in my heart God had not left me, for in His Word He says, “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So, I knew God had not left me during the last 18 or so months as I faced illness, death of love ones, lossing my job, unemployment, mounting bills, family concerns and financial adversity. I lefted the house Sunday morning reassured God will provided for me. I made my way to Sunday morning Worship Service and decided to listen to what has become my Sunday morning song “My Soul Is Anchored In The Lord”. I let the lyrics of the song reassure me and encourage to continue to trust in the LORD.
Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared
But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.
But if the storms don't cease,
But in case the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
Since, I operate my church’s sound system, I try to get to Worship Service at least 20 minutes early to prepare, so that I am not rush or unable to fully participate in Praise and Worship. When I arrived at church I sat in the sound room looking through the bullentin to see who was preaching and who would be liturgist for the service. Our Lay Leader would be preaching the message (which I am always excited to hear wha God has revealed to him, it is always a journey through the Word of God when he speaks). My eyes got very big when I saw the scripture he would use as His guiding scripture through the message (Job 1:6-12 “Job First Test).
It’s an amazing thing when God sends an confirming Word. I was sitting there thinking, “it was a reason God lead me to Job chapter 1 this morning and He was about to use our Lay Leader to tell me why.” The title of His sermon was “It Is Just A Test” but what I heard was “my dear child, Ryane, this is just a test do not despair.” I thought about what Galations 6:9.
I am here to tell you my brothers and sisters in Christ, as I was told on yesterday, IT IS JUST A TEST. God has not left you to die (spiritual, mental or physical) in your current situation or problem. I would like to share with you the three major test God puts us through reasons for testing that was shared with me.
1. God test our hearts.(That our hearts maybe purified in Him) 1 Chronicles 29:17a
2. God test our faith. (When faith is test, it is for us to become strong in the Lord and develop patience) James 1:2-3
3. God Test our obedience. (From time to time God will test our obedience) Exodus 16:4
If we view the testing phrase as God removing those thing/people out of our lives that were not suppose to be there.
Be blessed and know the LORD sees what you are going through and He will come through for you, so stay in faith.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Friendship
I am currently reading a book called “Praying the Heart of David” by Emner Towns. As I was reading about the friendship that existed between David and Jonathan, I thought about my own friends. I have become friends with folks I never thought in a million years, would I call them a friend. But when the friendship is in the will of God, it not only will happen but the friendship will always blossom.
One of my friends I know for sure God has purposed and ordained our friendship because there is no way I would have picked her. But to know her is to truly love her. At first glance she is LOUD and it could be said, she is a little obnoxious and all the way crazy. But she is always caring and always loving. She is that friend you can talk to without always be interrupted. We all need a friend who will just listen.
The Word of God says in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.” I can truly say that during these rough times my friends have been the greatest. There have been days where I was not the most upbeat person to be around or the most pleasant. But they know me and love me for just who I am.
Then there are the friends I hung out with in clubs or at house gatherings and we drank and enjoyed ourselves. These same friends encouraged me to go after all my dreams. When I gave my life to Christ, they were still there encouraging me along as I journeyed to a closer walk with God. It was these friends who did not push when I turned down drank offers or I said no to going out. They understand and did not attempt to change my mind nor did they throw my past activities in my face.
So, if you have good friends who encourage you to do what is right, who are always there for you (though they maybe far away, as the case with some of my friends), loves you for who you are and prayers with you and for you, consider yourself blessed. No, even better, consider yourself divinely favored by God.
One of my friends I know for sure God has purposed and ordained our friendship because there is no way I would have picked her. But to know her is to truly love her. At first glance she is LOUD and it could be said, she is a little obnoxious and all the way crazy. But she is always caring and always loving. She is that friend you can talk to without always be interrupted. We all need a friend who will just listen.
The Word of God says in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.” I can truly say that during these rough times my friends have been the greatest. There have been days where I was not the most upbeat person to be around or the most pleasant. But they know me and love me for just who I am.
Then there are the friends I hung out with in clubs or at house gatherings and we drank and enjoyed ourselves. These same friends encouraged me to go after all my dreams. When I gave my life to Christ, they were still there encouraging me along as I journeyed to a closer walk with God. It was these friends who did not push when I turned down drank offers or I said no to going out. They understand and did not attempt to change my mind nor did they throw my past activities in my face.
So, if you have good friends who encourage you to do what is right, who are always there for you (though they maybe far away, as the case with some of my friends), loves you for who you are and prayers with you and for you, consider yourself blessed. No, even better, consider yourself divinely favored by God.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
LORD Is My Shepherd
Last night as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep, Psalm 23:1 came to my thoughts. It says, “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” After I read it I just continue to repeat it, then the need to read Isaiah 55 came. Then I was lead to Matthew 6: 25-34, it was during this reading I begin to think back to a 3:00 a.m. wake up call from the LORD back in July of 2009. The LORD had wake me up and lead me through Deuteronomy 28, Psalm 23, Isaiah 55, Matthew 6:25-34 and ending with Hebrews 11:1.
This was the order I read the scripture in that earlier morning back in July of 2009. But last night the LORD started with Psalm 23:1, I now understanding why, as I sit here writing this blog post, I know God started with Psalm 23:1 because I had to believe and trust in Psalm 23:1 to full grasp what He was trying to get to me in the rest of the scriptures.
See, after the LORD lead me through the scripture back in July, He said, “the doors of Heaven are open ask for what ever you want and it will be given to you.” One of the things I asked for was salvation for my family. This week I found myself before the LORD daily praying and praising Him for my family salvation. I have been feeling like something miraculous is about to occur. I can not really put in words this feeling I have had all week long. It’s like a kid on Christmas Eve, knowing that his/her parents got them just what they asked for but they have to wait to get the gifts. That excitement has been so overwhelming in me this week, knowing God is on the verge of doing some wonderful things in the life of my family. I am that kid on Christmas Eve just wanting to un-wrap the gifts but knowing I have to wait for the Father.
I am patiently waiting, working, praying and praising God during this time for I know the storm clouds are rescinding and the peace of the LORD is coming over my family. The faith I have in God has been tested to say the least these last three years. In the last three years I have wanted to walk away, I have been depressed, I have felt like no one understand what I was going through, discouragement was at a all time high, the call the LORD has placed on my life was in doubt, and the promising God had made me were in doubt. But thanks be to an awesome God, who provides sustaining grace and He has taught me that I can have peace in the midst of my storm. He has taught me through experiences with Him, I can trust Him no matter what with everything concerning me. Cause He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will lead me through the valley of the shadow of death and no harm will come to me. For He is my Father and He is my peace!
I am at a place where I can say, “What you (enemy) meant for evil, God is working it out for my good.” During the last three years my relationship with Christ has deepened, my resolve to work the plan He has for my life has only intensified, my prayer life is better then ever, and my faith and trust in God to be my every thing is stronger than ever and growing. I know for sure He is my Healer, Deliverer, Provider, Comforter and my Peace!
I can’t help but to look back over my life, my life apart from God and my life with God. I am so thankful for all He has done. The other night I was talking to my sister and she said, “Ryane you are strong.” This has been something I heard the LORD saying over the last three years, you are stronger then what you think you are. Father, I hear you and I know it is because of Your love and sustaining grace that I am. It is that same sustaining grace I know is available to my family.
As I wait and watch the LORD fulfill His promises, I rejoice knowing He can always be trusted. Knowing that The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
This was the order I read the scripture in that earlier morning back in July of 2009. But last night the LORD started with Psalm 23:1, I now understanding why, as I sit here writing this blog post, I know God started with Psalm 23:1 because I had to believe and trust in Psalm 23:1 to full grasp what He was trying to get to me in the rest of the scriptures.
See, after the LORD lead me through the scripture back in July, He said, “the doors of Heaven are open ask for what ever you want and it will be given to you.” One of the things I asked for was salvation for my family. This week I found myself before the LORD daily praying and praising Him for my family salvation. I have been feeling like something miraculous is about to occur. I can not really put in words this feeling I have had all week long. It’s like a kid on Christmas Eve, knowing that his/her parents got them just what they asked for but they have to wait to get the gifts. That excitement has been so overwhelming in me this week, knowing God is on the verge of doing some wonderful things in the life of my family. I am that kid on Christmas Eve just wanting to un-wrap the gifts but knowing I have to wait for the Father.
I am patiently waiting, working, praying and praising God during this time for I know the storm clouds are rescinding and the peace of the LORD is coming over my family. The faith I have in God has been tested to say the least these last three years. In the last three years I have wanted to walk away, I have been depressed, I have felt like no one understand what I was going through, discouragement was at a all time high, the call the LORD has placed on my life was in doubt, and the promising God had made me were in doubt. But thanks be to an awesome God, who provides sustaining grace and He has taught me that I can have peace in the midst of my storm. He has taught me through experiences with Him, I can trust Him no matter what with everything concerning me. Cause He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will lead me through the valley of the shadow of death and no harm will come to me. For He is my Father and He is my peace!
I am at a place where I can say, “What you (enemy) meant for evil, God is working it out for my good.” During the last three years my relationship with Christ has deepened, my resolve to work the plan He has for my life has only intensified, my prayer life is better then ever, and my faith and trust in God to be my every thing is stronger than ever and growing. I know for sure He is my Healer, Deliverer, Provider, Comforter and my Peace!
I can’t help but to look back over my life, my life apart from God and my life with God. I am so thankful for all He has done. The other night I was talking to my sister and she said, “Ryane you are strong.” This has been something I heard the LORD saying over the last three years, you are stronger then what you think you are. Father, I hear you and I know it is because of Your love and sustaining grace that I am. It is that same sustaining grace I know is available to my family.
As I wait and watch the LORD fulfill His promises, I rejoice knowing He can always be trusted. Knowing that The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Always Be Ready
In the book of 1 Peter 3:15, Peter tells the church, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” So, here is the reason for the hope that I have in Christ Jesus.
There was a time during my senior year in college when my life was spiraling out of control. I was drinking almost everyday, sex for me was just another thing to do to mask my pain and I was not taking my education seriously. I did enough to make a B in my classes and C’s were not that bad to me. I barely looked into Grad School or thought hard about my future. It was during this time I was living in my pain and taking past hurts out on me and others. I was slowing killing myself with the things I was doing to my body and putting into it.
My sexual behavior lead to an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy during the time I was suppose to be preparing for my internship with a local television station in North Carolina. My belief was abortions were murder but I find myself seriously considering it. It was also during this time a long time friend of mine was murdered. Despite my beliefs I decided to abort the baby because I never really thought I could give the child the life he/she deserved.
It was these two things and past hurts that would lead me to my knees months later begging God to help me. I knew there was something better I just did not know how to go about obtained the happiness I wanted in my life. It was there in my despair the LORD begins to set things in motion for the happiness I wanted in my life. He begins to send people my way who believed in Him completely. They begin to share their testimony with me, which led me to pray more and visit churches with friends.
I remember one day I asked the LORD to send me to a preacher who would teach me His Word. The LORD would answer the prayer on December 12, 2004, when I came home and visit the church in my community. I sat there and for the first time in a very long time I felt some peace. I figure now it was God allowing me to feel what a life with Him could be like.
It would be months before I would go back to visit the church and after another intimate encounter with the LORD in August of 2005 I answered the Lord’s call and give my life to Him.
So as I entered year five of my journey with the LORD, here is the reason for my hope in Christ Jesus. He found me where I was in the midst of my pain, anger, bitterness, regret, self-hatred, suicide and loneliness and HE LOVED ME PAST MY PAIN. He gave me a life and purpose. Each day I wake up I KNOW He is with me and through Him I will surely have the victory. He supplies each and every one of my needs. I hope in Him because in Him I found me. I hope in Him because He has never lied or led me astray. He has never broken a promise and everything I know will be okay because of Him.
I hope in Him because I would have never made it to 31 years of age without Him.
There was a time during my senior year in college when my life was spiraling out of control. I was drinking almost everyday, sex for me was just another thing to do to mask my pain and I was not taking my education seriously. I did enough to make a B in my classes and C’s were not that bad to me. I barely looked into Grad School or thought hard about my future. It was during this time I was living in my pain and taking past hurts out on me and others. I was slowing killing myself with the things I was doing to my body and putting into it.
My sexual behavior lead to an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy during the time I was suppose to be preparing for my internship with a local television station in North Carolina. My belief was abortions were murder but I find myself seriously considering it. It was also during this time a long time friend of mine was murdered. Despite my beliefs I decided to abort the baby because I never really thought I could give the child the life he/she deserved.
It was these two things and past hurts that would lead me to my knees months later begging God to help me. I knew there was something better I just did not know how to go about obtained the happiness I wanted in my life. It was there in my despair the LORD begins to set things in motion for the happiness I wanted in my life. He begins to send people my way who believed in Him completely. They begin to share their testimony with me, which led me to pray more and visit churches with friends.
I remember one day I asked the LORD to send me to a preacher who would teach me His Word. The LORD would answer the prayer on December 12, 2004, when I came home and visit the church in my community. I sat there and for the first time in a very long time I felt some peace. I figure now it was God allowing me to feel what a life with Him could be like.
It would be months before I would go back to visit the church and after another intimate encounter with the LORD in August of 2005 I answered the Lord’s call and give my life to Him.
So as I entered year five of my journey with the LORD, here is the reason for my hope in Christ Jesus. He found me where I was in the midst of my pain, anger, bitterness, regret, self-hatred, suicide and loneliness and HE LOVED ME PAST MY PAIN. He gave me a life and purpose. Each day I wake up I KNOW He is with me and through Him I will surely have the victory. He supplies each and every one of my needs. I hope in Him because in Him I found me. I hope in Him because He has never lied or led me astray. He has never broken a promise and everything I know will be okay because of Him.
I hope in Him because I would have never made it to 31 years of age without Him.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
He Found Me
One of my facebook friends posted a status this morning asking, “Was God ever really lost.” In response too so many people saying they find Him. In the book of Revelation, Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”
With that scripture in mind I do not believe God was ever lost but that we were lost. In His infinite love for us God sought us out so that we could be reconciled back to Him. The evidence of His love for us is so clear in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Looking back over my life and when I heard the Lord knocking on the doors of my heart back in 2004, I begin to think about a better life, one free from the pain and anger that was so apparent in my life since I was 15 years old. So many people had come in my life from that point, who talked about the goodness of the Lord. I never really thought a good God would allow me to go through so much heartache and pain. I held on to a lingering notion that God really could not love me or mean me any good with all life had shown me at such an early age. So for years I went through life feeling a hurt and void no one could fill. Until one day back in 2004 I noticed a yearning in me to be truly free from hurt and pain. Thinking back I now know it was God gently leading me to Him.
See in the midst of my pain and hurt God begin to reveal Himself to me. He begin to tell me drinking, sex and all the other ways I was self-medicating to deal with the pain was truly not the answer to dealing with my pain. He told me, “II have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” When I wrapped my mind around the fact God said there will be trouble in my life but that He had dealt with it, my heart begin to open to Him more. In August of 2005, I heard the LORD clearly saying now is the time for you to come on this journey with me and I will heal your broke heart and every broke thing in your life.
As I enter year five of my journey with God, I am so glad He found me. I am so overjoyed that I continue each day to discovery her mercy, grace and joy each day. I know and believe that “surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever!
Thank you God for finding me and loving me enough to come looking for me even when I was not looking for you! Thank you for being the light of my salvation and my bright and morning star, the joy of my strength I have find in You and Your Word. I am so much better since you find me and delivered me from my pit.
With that scripture in mind I do not believe God was ever lost but that we were lost. In His infinite love for us God sought us out so that we could be reconciled back to Him. The evidence of His love for us is so clear in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Looking back over my life and when I heard the Lord knocking on the doors of my heart back in 2004, I begin to think about a better life, one free from the pain and anger that was so apparent in my life since I was 15 years old. So many people had come in my life from that point, who talked about the goodness of the Lord. I never really thought a good God would allow me to go through so much heartache and pain. I held on to a lingering notion that God really could not love me or mean me any good with all life had shown me at such an early age. So for years I went through life feeling a hurt and void no one could fill. Until one day back in 2004 I noticed a yearning in me to be truly free from hurt and pain. Thinking back I now know it was God gently leading me to Him.
See in the midst of my pain and hurt God begin to reveal Himself to me. He begin to tell me drinking, sex and all the other ways I was self-medicating to deal with the pain was truly not the answer to dealing with my pain. He told me, “II have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” When I wrapped my mind around the fact God said there will be trouble in my life but that He had dealt with it, my heart begin to open to Him more. In August of 2005, I heard the LORD clearly saying now is the time for you to come on this journey with me and I will heal your broke heart and every broke thing in your life.
As I enter year five of my journey with God, I am so glad He found me. I am so overjoyed that I continue each day to discovery her mercy, grace and joy each day. I know and believe that “surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever!
Thank you God for finding me and loving me enough to come looking for me even when I was not looking for you! Thank you for being the light of my salvation and my bright and morning star, the joy of my strength I have find in You and Your Word. I am so much better since you find me and delivered me from my pit.
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