Thursday, September 29, 2011

Stepping Back Into Promise

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It [d]hastens toward the goal and it will not [e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3-4
As I entered July 2011, I found myself in a place of utter frustration, discouragement, disappointment, anger and depression, which led me to a place of rebellion. Who and what was I rebellion against? God and His purpose for my life. After writing and publishing my first book under the guidance of the Holy Spirit I found myself at an high place with God in April and May, feeling like my season was of blessings were coming. It seemed to me like the wheels were now turning in my favor. Then came the slap in the face, as book sales stalled and my money dried up, I found myself questioning, if I was truly in the will of God with this writing career. If I had truly heard the LORD say, “He would bless the works of my hand.”

I begin to feel frustrated with God and His promises of my life. Why, if I had such an anointing, call and purpose on my life was I always going through so much? Why, did I have to ALWAYS go THROUGH and FIGHT so much? Why, could I get something easy? Here I was giving God may TIME, TALENT and TREASURE; only to see things go from bad to worst for me.

It was a day in July that I told God, I was not going to do ministry work, write another thing, pray, study the Word or anything until He blessed me. I was so freaking tired of taking a step forward only to be pushed ten steps back. In a state of rebellion I sat and did absolutely NOTHING. I ignored calls for my ministry team leaders, went to Worship service late (I am the Media Ministry team leader and I run the sound system at our late service, not a good thing for me to be late.) But here I was, so causal about ministry, catching attitudes, rolling my eyes and saying I do not care or whatever. What I could not understand was that even in my disobedience and rebellion God continued to tell me He loved me. In the two months I was in a rebellious state, God, reminded me of what Jesus said, “no one will snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all[c]; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” He did not stop there, the words King David record in Psalm 139: 7-12 came to me, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

God reminded me that His Word was so much apart of me and who I was that not even rebellion and disobedience could separate us. I had done what David recommended, I hide the Word of God in my heart and as the enemy told me, my attempts to be obedient to God was all for not. If He was going to bless the works of my hand, why was it taking Him so long to prosper the very thing He told me would bless me? Where was my Jehovah Jireh when I needed Him the most? As the voice of the enemy grew louder and louder in my head, it was the presence of God and the Holy Spirit that kept me from going any deeper into despair.

It was a day in August when I know the rebellion and disobedience had to end. I know it was time to let it go and get back to be about my Father’s business. The last six years with the LORD has shown me He could be trusted with everything concerning me. I know God loved me! I went from a place of rebellion and disobedience to a place of just been in a rut and not really know how to get out. There was the desire to get out and continue to pursue the dreams and things of God. This week Habakkuk 2: 3-4 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It [d]hastens toward the goal and it will not [e]fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay” kept coming to me. It was not until this morning that I really gave the scripture much thought. As I contemplated what was said to Habakkuk, the promises God made to me came to mind. In the last three months I had lost my patience. I lost that preservation that God placed in me. I lost my determination to keep going no matter what. I lost my drive and ambition to eagerly pursue the things of God.

After three months I am ready to step back into my promises. Knowing that the vision (promises) of God may tarry but if I wait for them, I am assured today that God will surely bring them to past. I feel like going on in faith, hope, obedience, praise, worship, trust and courage to again pursue the things God has said are mine.
God Bless
Ryane

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Our Story

It took years for me to piece together what actually happened thatnight. I shared with the student body, what I understood to be the turn
of events that led to the tragedy. Some parts of it we will never know,
but I shared with them as best as I could. Our next-door neighbor owed
Tracy some money. The neighbor’s daughter came over to our house
and told Tracy her mother was in a crack house smoking her money up
with the neighbor’s brother. Tracy was upset and went to the house
looking for her. She found her and asked for her money. The lady
started to curse and resolved that she was not going to give Tracy
anything.” Tracy told her simply, “You WILL give me my money”
and she began to walk away. The lady threw a beer can at Tracy and
all hell broke loose. Tracy started to walk away but didn’t. After the
lady throw the beer can Tracy went back to confront her further and
that was when, Charles, the woman’s son, came out and begin to hit
Tracy. My other sister Danielle then joined in the altercation. One of
their friends went to tell my mother about the fight. My mom and my
brother Ronnie went down the alley from our house where my sisters
were to see what was going on. This is where the story gets fuzzy for
me. It was not clear then and it still is not clear who had the gun. The
gun was there and it was in Charles’s hand. He shot Tracy first as his
mother looked on and screamed, “Kill all of them.”

Charles turned the gun on Ronnie and shot him, then Danielle.
My mother could not stand by and watch her children be shot down by
this man as if they were nothing. She jumped on Charles and struggled
with him for the gun. In the process, my mother was shot twice, once
in the head and a second time in the leg. She managed enough strength
to wrestle the gun away from him; it was then she shot and killed him.
It’s crazy how in a few minutes your life changes completely.
Our mother warned Tracy that the neighbor was going to be the
cause of her death. She told her if you keep messing with her and her
family, she is going to be the cause of Stacey growing up without a
mother and you being dead. And in a couple of days her words rang
true and our lives were changed forever.

When I got to the part where my mother shot and killed Charles,
the whole auditorium erupted in cheer. Was there anything to cheer
about in this situation? I am more than grateful to my mother for doing
what she did and I understand her reasoning for her actions, but there
were no winners in this situation. Both families lost. It is fair for me
say that Charles was high on drugs the night he turned a gun on my
family. I do not know if he had been sober if the outcome of the
situation would have been different. I wish and pray that it would
have, but what’s done is done. We just had to learn from it and go on.
While my classmates cheered my mom like a hero at the end of a fairy
tale, I didn’t have the words to explain to them that resolution doesn’t
come that easy. I couldn’t silence their cheers and take them through
the journey of my pain. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs and
tell them that Charles’ life was not as ransom for what had been stolen
from my family on that day was greater. I couldn’t tell them about the
mental breakdowns my mother suffered or the visions of my sister in
my mind that plagued me from time to time.

They wouldn’t understand that part of it – so I left them in a happy place, though I
was stripped emotionally and damaged spiritually. I let the applause
echo in my head for moments after, when it was silent. I simply
thanked them for their attention, but they had no idea of the story
behind the story. I wish I would have told them be careful what you
cheer for. That ending was not a happy ending at all.

Purchase your copy of From the Gutters to a Mansion by going to www.lulu.com/buy and typing in From the Gutters to a Mansion.

Thank you!!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Relationship

Everyday I receive a scripture on my cell phone, today’s scripture was Jeremiah 17:7-8,"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

For the last three Sunday’s my Pastor has been preaching and teaching on prayer. He gave an acronym about how to get a prayer through R-A-P. The R represents relationship, our relationship with God. Relationships are important to humans whether we would admit it or not. We were created to be in relationship; first with God and then with others.

It is our relationship with God that allows us to fully understand what Jeremiah is talking about in verses 7-8. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. A relationship with God will build your trust in Him as you learn about His character, love, and patience’s. Then you begin to experience God and it’s through your experiences with Him that your confidence grows which leads to trusting in God.

Trusting in God is important everyday of your life but it is extremely important to trust Him when life gets difficult for you; when the storms of life coming raging into your life like a hurricane. It is then you see where your relationship with God stands. Will your troubles cause you to walk away from God or will you be like the man Jeremiah talks about in verses 7-8. The blessed man who trusted in God in good times and bad times; the one who continued to trust in the Lord, even when the heat of life came. As it will, Christ said, “In this world you will have trouble.” In His love the Lord forewarned of the trouble that could arouse in our lives but He went on to say, “But take heart! I have overcome the world."

You can only take heart if you know Him. If you believe in what is written about Him? What is said of the miracles He is still performing today? It is important to have a relationship with God because when the heat comes, as it well, you will be able to still bear fruit during your season of drought.

I know this because the last two years I have been going through a season of loss but I have also been able to bear fruit. I have been able to see God’s mercy and grace up close and very personal. I have stood in the heat of life and have ben refreshed by God day in and day out. He has held to His promises to never leave me or forsake me.

My trust in Him has opened up the door to peace in the midst of my troubles. I have not had to worry about food, money or a place to stay at all, even through I lost my job.
So, get to know God. Spend some time with Him and allow His love to move you to a place where you trust Him. A place where you place all your confidence in Him.
God Bless!!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Confidence in God

One of my favorite old saints from the Bible is King David. There are a couple of reasons why I like King David so much. He had a faith, trust, and relationship with God that preserved every trial, tribulation, problem and situation he faced. His relationship with God never changed based on his condition or what he was going through in his life. When his own son was trying to kill him, King David looked to the Lord for answers. When He had a promise from God that he would one day be King of Israeli, King David never give up, when people were trying to kill him, lying on him and doing everything to undermine the promises of God in his life; King David held firm to the promises of God over his life.

When you read through the Psalms King David wrote, you see a relationship that is rooted in love, trust, and faith. It takes a lot to still trust, have faith in and love a person, who at first glance seems to be standing idling by as folks try and kill you due to the promise He has given you. But that was King David, when you look at Psalms like Psalm 27, where King David writes, “The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour[a] me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.” As I have study King David’s life, his trust, love, and faith in God came from him spending time with the LORD. Making himself available to the LORD. Even as all these things were happening in his life. He knew God would never leave him or forsake him. It seemed at times like King David had some insight into God’s character that no one else on the planet had. I wonder sometimes will my faith, trust and love for God ever come close to King David’s. Will I get to a place that even in the most unbearable situations that occur in my life, while I be able to show this much faith and trust in God.

There are times on my journey, particularly the last two years, were I have had to take pages out of King David’s life on faith, on trusting God and know the love of God. Like King David I have promises from God about my life and our journey together. While I see something happening in the natural ream, I have not seen the full manifesting of the promises of God on my life just yet. Which I admit can be a bit discouraging at times, when you are doing almost everything that is required of you and still not seen the promises. And then it seems that even more problems pop up in your life. I look to old saints like King David for an example on how to get through the preparation season of my life. To stay encourage on this journey that is sometimes filled with twist and turns, ups and downs , we have to look to the LORD and the encouragement He has made available to us in His written Word, in songs and in His people. So, I find my encouragement in the Psalms when I am discouraged. I allow my mind to go back to what King David must have felt to have so much promise on his life and be hated to the point where some would want to kill him. But there was not quitting in him and it seem the more he believed in the LORD, the deeper his relationship with Him grew.

I desire that type of relationship with God. That no matter what I go through on this journey it only serves to deepen my relationship with God. I am getting there and I thank God for His patience with me. As King David continued in Psalm 27, I allow these words not only to minister to me but I apply them to my life as I take this victories journey with God. “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. Hear my voice when I call, LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper; Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Teach me your way, LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. “