Test Are Necessary

Last Thursday was a very hard morning for me. As I continue to look to the LORD for answers to my current situation and future plans, I found myself spiritual frustrated with God. I found myself crying out like the old saints and prophets. Wanting to know, “why do the wicked and ungodly prosper so freely and things/life seem so easy for them.”

Her e I am a child of an All-Knowing, Powerful Father and it seems at every turn for me there is a problem or situation. I sat on the edge of my bed that Thursday morning crying and scream at God to answer me, to talk to me; begging and pleading with Him to answer the concerns of my heart. As I continue to sit there crying and crying out to my Heavenly Father, I heard nothing from Him. I got up from my bed wiped my face and told the LORD, “I trusted Him and would continue to seek Him for answers no matter what.” It was then in my silence I felt the need to play Marvin Sapp’s song "Marvin Sapp Not The Time, Not The Place." The lyric say:

This is not the time for giving up,
this is not your place where you should be,
not the time or the place to lie in defeat,
you got to hold on, you got be strong.


This is not not the time to question your faith,
this is not your place of destiny,
it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel,
you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.


Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose,
it's apart of life that everyone goes through.

Sometimes there's joy,
sometimes there's pain,
that's apart of God's plan,
it is His own plan.

I know it was God’s way of encouraging me to be steadfast in Him. As I fastforward to Sunday morning, it was my time to read (Purpose Driven Life, By Rick Warren) and my time in the Word of God. I thought I would read the Psalms, since they spoke to what I was feeling at the time. As I read Psalm 27, I heard Galations 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Then I heard Job, so I went to the book of Job the first chapter and read verses 21-22. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”

I knew in my heart God had not left me, for in His Word He says, “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So, I knew God had not left me during the last 18 or so months as I faced illness, death of love ones, lossing my job, unemployment, mounting bills, family concerns and financial adversity. I lefted the house Sunday morning reassured God will provided for me. I made my way to Sunday morning Worship Service and decided to listen to what has become my Sunday morning song “My Soul Is Anchored In The Lord”. I let the lyrics of the song reassure me and encourage to continue to trust in the LORD.

Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared


But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.
But if the storms don't cease,
But in case the wind keeps on blowing, (in my life)
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

Since, I operate my church’s sound system, I try to get to Worship Service at least 20 minutes early to prepare, so that I am not rush or unable to fully participate in Praise and Worship. When I arrived at church I sat in the sound room looking through the bullentin to see who was preaching and who would be liturgist for the service. Our Lay Leader would be preaching the message (which I am always excited to hear wha God has revealed to him, it is always a journey through the Word of God when he speaks). My eyes got very big when I saw the scripture he would use as His guiding scripture through the message (Job 1:6-12 “Job First Test).

It’s an amazing thing when God sends an confirming Word. I was sitting there thinking, “it was a reason God lead me to Job chapter 1 this morning and He was about to use our Lay Leader to tell me why.” The title of His sermon was “It Is Just A Test” but what I heard was “my dear child, Ryane, this is just a test do not despair.” I thought about what Galations 6:9.

I am here to tell you my brothers and sisters in Christ, as I was told on yesterday, IT IS JUST A TEST. God has not left you to die (spiritual, mental or physical) in your current situation or problem. I would like to share with you the three major test God puts us through reasons for testing that was shared with me.

1. God test our hearts.(That our hearts maybe purified in Him) 1 Chronicles 29:17a

2. God test our faith. (When faith is test, it is for us to become strong in the Lord and develop patience) James 1:2-3

3. God Test our obedience. (From time to time God will test our obedience) Exodus 16:4

If we view the testing phrase as God removing those thing/people out of our lives that were not suppose to be there.

Be blessed and know the LORD sees what you are going through and He will come through for you, so stay in faith.

Don't Count Me Out

I am a lover of the arts! The arts help us express our emotions, feelings and it can let a person into what we are going through in a particular season of our lives. I especially love songs written by the people who performing them. The add such a power to them when the person knows the love, joy, pain, hurt and struggle of the lyrics they are singing. With that being said, I do believe songs written for other people can be sung with power.

A poet on open mic night performing one of there pieces, it can be something of beauty to watch them, their facial expressions, the hand movement and the delivery of the piece. The dancer taking an original piece of choreography and presenting it for the first time, you can see the energy, love and care it took the dancer to put every movement together.

The arts in of itself can be a very challenging field to pursue as a career. Many put all they have into their particular craft and some die still pursuing their dreams. History has shown many artists especially painters were not acknowledged for their brilliance until after their deaths. I wonder to myself at times do I have it in me to pursue this writing career with the same passion many before me have exhibit. In honest I must admit there are times when I question my own passion and talent. I am a microwave baby I want everything done in two minutes with as little effort as possible. However, this self-proclaim microwave baby is being taught a very valuable lesson by God. He is teaching me the talents and gifts, He has given me needs to be nurtured. Other lessons I am learning are humility and anything you want to accomplish in this world you have to work for it and earn it.

I think about the labor of love many writers, painters, dancers, actors, screenwriters, poets, sings and musicians put into their crafts. I sometimes find myself wondering and asking God, “is this worthy it.” Do I continue to pursue this writing career or just give up and settle into a nice job somewhere for the next 30 years then enjoy my retirement? It is in these moments God sends me to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So, I continue to write, pray and know the plans God has for my life will manifest in His timing.

The last sentence can sometimes be hard, very hard to do. The waiting process is not the easiest process to go through. As I get ready to release my first book entitled From the Gutters to a Mansion: My Journey to my Heavenly Father, I have an excitement and joy, knowing the LORD is working His plan for my life.

Marvin Sapp has a couple of songs on his new CD that just have been ministering to me. I believe God instructed him to release these songs just for me. (I am crazy enough to believe it, you guys) Songs like Don’t Count Me Out, His Hands Are On You, Comfort Zone, Here I Am and The Best In Me. It is like they scream Jeremiah 29:11 and say Ryane stay focus on God’s plan! I listen to these songs just about everyday. I find my encouragement to continue to write and pursue the plans God has for my life. The writing career, the work God has just for Ryane Belynda Nickens and all the other promises God has made to me.

I especially love Don’t Count Me Out. The lyrics say:

Left alone but never forgotten*
Misunderstood but my future is just starting
God is molding me and making me
He's building me and shaping me
A king {Queen} is being formed right in front of your eyes
So don't count me out


So don't count me out
When you don't see what He sees
You can't tell but His glory is resting on me
I'm His choice
I'm after his heart
The unveiling is starting now

To all those who God has gifted with a specific talent or promise, I encourage you to continue to do what God has put on your heart. Continue to work the plan God has given you, in due season, if you do not give up, you will most certainly reap a harvest for your time spent sowing in whatever God has you doing. I am going to borrow my Pastor Sermon title from this past Sunday, which was “Never Give Up On God Because God Will Never Give Up On You.”

He Found Me

One of my facebook friends posted a status this morning asking, “Was God ever really lost.” In response too so many people saying they find Him. In the book of Revelation, Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”

With that scripture in mind I do not believe God was ever lost but that we were lost. In His infinite love for us God sought us out so that we could be reconciled back to Him. The evidence of His love for us is so clear in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Looking back over my life and when I heard the Lord knocking on the doors of my heart back in 2004, I begin to think about a better life, one free from the pain and anger that was so apparent in my life since I was 15 years old. So many people had come in my life from that point, who talked about the goodness of the Lord. I never really thought a good God would allow me to go through so much heartache and pain. I held on to a lingering notion that God really could not love me or mean me any good with all life had shown me at such an early age. So for years I went through life feeling a hurt and void no one could fill. Until one day back in 2004 I noticed a yearning in me to be truly free from hurt and pain. Thinking back I now know it was God gently leading me to Him.

See in the midst of my pain and hurt God begin to reveal Himself to me. He begin to tell me drinking, sex and all the other ways I was self-medicating to deal with the pain was truly not the answer to dealing with my pain. He told me, “II have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” When I wrapped my mind around the fact God said there will be trouble in my life but that He had dealt with it, my heart begin to open to Him more. In August of 2005, I heard the LORD clearly saying now is the time for you to come on this journey with me and I will heal your broke heart and every broke thing in your life.

As I enter year five of my journey with God, I am so glad He found me. I am so overjoyed that I continue each day to discovery her mercy, grace and joy each day. I know and believe that “surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever!

Thank you God for finding me and loving me enough to come looking for me even when I was not looking for you! Thank you for being the light of my salvation and my bright and morning star, the joy of my strength I have find in You and Your Word. I am so much better since you find me and delivered me from my pit.

Letting Go and Letting God have His Way

There are two bible studies I am undertaking right now, the first being one I started later in the summer about the suffering of Job. The other is one of the bible study class I am taking Journey into Overcoming, both dealing with suffering, trials and tribulation in life. Many of you who read this blog on a regular basis do not have to be reminded of the many situations and adversities I have faced in this life. I have seen death, sickness, depression and so forth. What I have gathered from Ray Steadman’s Suffering of Job and the first lesson in Journey to Overcoming is trials, suffering and tribulations all come to bring us closer to God plan for our lives.

As I look back on my life, especially the difficult times of my life, I can see the hand of God all over my life. I can see how He tried to redirect my steps in some situations and why He allowed others to occur. I am not saying I know why everything good, bad or indifferent occurred in my life because I do not understand it all. What I do understand is the love of God and how that has greatly impacted my life. There have been many trials in 2009 for me but there have also been many victories. I now can discern the voice of God clearly. I can hear Him speaking to me and leading me on the path He purposed and ordained for my life. I know for sure the gifts He has placed with in me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He indeed loves me.

In this season of loses and gains for me, I have found myself wrestling with God and the call He has on my life. I sometimes find myself trying to ignore Him or making up excuses for not doing the things He has called me to do. Yes, I have been disobedient to the Father. Some of my disobediences is due to fear and the rest is my uncertainty or at least that is what I tell myself. The fear part is real the uncertainty I am not so sure about. I know God has called me and purpose me because He has purposed each one of His children that He has called out of the darkness into His marvelous light. As He told Jeremiah, I know the plans I have for you.

I know the Father has a plan for my life, I am at a place where I am fighting His will for my life and I truly want to walk in that will but I do not know how to stop fighting Him. My desire is to be in His perfect will for my life…to lose myself totally and completely in Him and the plans He has already set in place for me. I just have not learned how to let go and let God have His way. I spend so much time telling Him what I want and how I would like things to be that I miss a lot of what He has to say to me. I spend so much time thinking about the way my life should be that I miss out on much of what He says my life will be like. I know two of my gifts are prophecy and exhortation. I know for sure the talent He has given me is writing. I also know that He wants to use me for other things but I am so afraid of leaving folks behind, moving to another level which would mean leaving people behind and letting someone have full control of my life, even though I know God will never do anything to hurt me.

So my prayer for myself and the one I am asking you all to pray for me is that I let go of fear and I totally let go and let God have His way and that His prefect will be done in my life.

There Is Purpose In My Pain

This morning as I made my way to church, I sat at the bus stop waiting on the bus reading T.D. Jakes book Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits. When I just happen to look up at the cloudy gray skies to see one specific area of the sky where there was a bright light shining forth. I continued to stare over my right shoulder at the bright spot in the cloudy gray skies this morning when I remembered though dark days come there is a brighter day ahead when you trust in Christ Jesus and are lead by Him. As I continued to watch the beautiful light in the cloudy gray skies be covered by the dark clouds, it seemed like the beautiful lite cloud would force its way back to the forefront. It appeared to me a determining in the cloud not to be hidden by the darker clouds, although the darker clouds surround it on every side.

My mind went to the current trials I am now facing and the trials I faced in the pasted. Then my mind went to one of my favorite bible heros King David. Who knew trials and adversity all too well! He faced many in his lifetime. Many of the trials King David faced were because of the anointing on his life. The purpose God had called him too, it was nothing David asked for, it was simply his God given purpose for being here. For many who know King David’s story, it is written in history he was a man after God’s own heart. As a shepherd boy David was anointed by Prophet Samuel to one day be King of Israel. As a result of his anointing and God given call there were numerous attempts on David’s life. Trouble just seemed to find David, who just wanted to be obedient to God. He did nothing but answer the call of God on his life. Most of the trouble occurred before David was ever placed as King over Israel.

I have heard many preachers say what I am about to write but I never really given full consideration to it until now. I am suffering because of the call and the anointing on my life. If I look at my life, not just this year even though this year seems like a lifetime of troubles, my life from the time of my birth, which my mother told me recently I almost dead because I was choking on something when I came out of the womb. Being reared in neighborhoods were shootings were as common place as fireworks on the 4th of July. Dealing with the deaths of my siblings, uncle and many friends who died violently on the streets of D.C.; then having to deal with my own personal demons of being suicidal, abuse of alcohol and the misuse of my body to try and numb the pain. Then trying to rationale in my mind how I could be so strong in my stance against abortions only to be faced with the option myself as a senior in college with my whole life ahead of me and to have to deal with the affects of having an abortion.

It amazes me sometimes that I am still alive. It truly does! I know God has spared me for a reason. As He told the prophet Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God knows the plans He has for me because "before He formed me in the womb He knew me, before I was born He set me apart; He appointed me."

As I live out my God given purpose, I see more trouble come my way. This year as I committed myself to truly living out my God given purpose, sickness, death, financial troubles, family problems and other issues came at me from every which kind of way. Like King David in the Psalm 25, the troubles of my heart have multiplied. During this year as all these things were occurring, God has been manifesting His gifts in me. Which is entirely another story and another set of emotions to go through. Dealing with death, sickness, debt and having your spiritual gifts manifest themselves in such a way that you had not thought of like the foretelling of the deaths of loved ones, I thought was a bit much.

During this time I have had two conflicting voices speaking to me. One is a loving Father, who said He would never leave me or forsake me. I hear God speaking to me, telling me to hold on, to stand and see His salvation. I hear Him telling me it is going to be okay that He will bring me out, I just need to have faith and learning the lessons He wants to teach me during this season.

Then there is the enemy who continues to tell me God will not rescue me. That all the problems I am facing will not leave me; with every bill, bad report, family argument, friend who has forgotten me in this storm and person who misuses or mishandles me, how could a loving Father allow His child to go through such pain and suffering.
My response to the enemy, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” Job 13:15
I trust God because I know through the study of His Word and my connection to Him that in this life I would have some trouble. He never said I had to endure the hardships alone. He said, “I could cast my burdens upon Him and if I became weary and heavy laden, He would give me rest.

So, if the path to my God given purpose has me walking through sickness, death, grief being misused, mishandle, financial issues and the like, I gladly and joyfully walk the path. For I know, “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD.” Psalm 23: 3-6

I know what the enemy meant for evil, God is going to work it out for my good. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

As it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Oh, there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…cause I trust in Christ Jesus and by Him I am being led, so there is a brighter day, brighter day ahead…far in the distant I can see the light shining in the night and it has been a journey, my Heavenly Father but I go with Jesus cause He conquerors all.

I Can’t Give Up Now

This year has been one of many lows for me, sometimes I felt like giving up. At times I wondered where was my loving God in the many situations I faced. It was at those moments He remaindered me that "Never will He leave me; never will He forsake me.” Hebrews 13:5

Yes, you are facing some hard situations and yes, the trouble of your heart have multiply but I am with you.

During this year, which I have taken to calling my season of loss and gain, I have learned to trust in God with every fiber of my being. Throughout this season of testing and trials two sermons continue to play in my head, one is a sermon my Senior Pastor preached over a year ago entitled “It’s Just a Test”. The scripture reference he used was Job’s testing experience. So many people look at the many situations I have been faced with or I am now facing. I look sometimes at my trials and wonder why I have not lost my mind then God reminders me that He is keeping me. Yes, I have lost my Granny and cousin, my job, my finances are what they are but I have not lost the love, peace, joy and protection of an Awesome God. He is still there protecting me during this storm. So as I think about the sermon and Job’s experience I know God will bring me out just like He did for Job. I have to weather this storm and learn the lessons God wants to teach me and show me during this testing season.

The other sermon is one my Associate Pastor preached entitled “Out of Your Egypt”. The scripture he used was the Israelites’ captive and ultimate exodus out of Egypt. I went back last week and re-listen to the sermon. Pastor B said, you can be blessed in your Egypt. I must have missed this point in the sermon and has been over a year since I heard it. I could not understand it but as I looked at my present Egypt experience I am being blessed. God is revealing folks true character to me. He is showing me more and more of His grace and mercy. He has taught me how to truly appreciate what we sometimes call the smaller things in life. He has shown me those who truly love me for me. He has also revealed the things I need to be delivered from like pride, poor stewardship and poor time management.

So, as the storms of life rage on I chose to believe God and allow His Word to navigate me through the tough times. Like King David, I too, “lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121”

I am my Heavenly Father’s child, Jesus is my Savior and that means I will always triumph of the obstacles of life. Because God is my help and He remains faithful to His Word to always come to my rescue, I continue to trust in Him and to seek Him during these trying times.
I know I can’t give up and I will not give up. Like the Apostle Paul, I too, am” confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Another song I love is Mary Mary’s I Can’t Give Up Now:

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

Never give up on God because He will never give up on you. Let Him walk you through the storms and allow Him to heal you.

Be blessed!!!