He Found Me

One of my facebook friends posted a status this morning asking, “Was God ever really lost.” In response too so many people saying they find Him. In the book of Revelation, Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”

With that scripture in mind I do not believe God was ever lost but that we were lost. In His infinite love for us God sought us out so that we could be reconciled back to Him. The evidence of His love for us is so clear in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Looking back over my life and when I heard the Lord knocking on the doors of my heart back in 2004, I begin to think about a better life, one free from the pain and anger that was so apparent in my life since I was 15 years old. So many people had come in my life from that point, who talked about the goodness of the Lord. I never really thought a good God would allow me to go through so much heartache and pain. I held on to a lingering notion that God really could not love me or mean me any good with all life had shown me at such an early age. So for years I went through life feeling a hurt and void no one could fill. Until one day back in 2004 I noticed a yearning in me to be truly free from hurt and pain. Thinking back I now know it was God gently leading me to Him.

See in the midst of my pain and hurt God begin to reveal Himself to me. He begin to tell me drinking, sex and all the other ways I was self-medicating to deal with the pain was truly not the answer to dealing with my pain. He told me, “II have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” When I wrapped my mind around the fact God said there will be trouble in my life but that He had dealt with it, my heart begin to open to Him more. In August of 2005, I heard the LORD clearly saying now is the time for you to come on this journey with me and I will heal your broke heart and every broke thing in your life.

As I enter year five of my journey with God, I am so glad He found me. I am so overjoyed that I continue each day to discovery her mercy, grace and joy each day. I know and believe that “surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever!

Thank you God for finding me and loving me enough to come looking for me even when I was not looking for you! Thank you for being the light of my salvation and my bright and morning star, the joy of my strength I have find in You and Your Word. I am so much better since you find me and delivered me from my pit.

When You’re Hurt

Have you ever been at the place where everything seems to be falling apart? I find myself in that place back in June 2009 and I reached out to someone in my Christian circle of people I believe are mature in Christ. As I wrote in an email all the things I had been going through since January of 2009, the death of family members, experiencing God more than I had in the past, and feeling like I was losing my mind I asked/sought spiritual advice that never came. In the book of James 5: 14 says, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” At that time I felt like I was sick spiritual and I called on an elder of the church, with no response. This really hurt me beyond what I original thought it did. I find myself dismissal of this person I sought for advice to the point where what they say means nothing to me at times.

I believe I am hurt because I expect too much for this person and not enough from God. As I write this I know God is the only One who can answer all my questions. The only One who can help me make sense of what the last year of my life was all about. Knowing this does not totally eliminate the hurt I experience by seeking help from someone I trusted and for me to trust anyone is not the easiest thing for me to do, I was asking this person for spiritual advice. There were days where I thought about walking away from my relationship with God because of the hurt and pain I was feeling not only due to this situation but all the pain and unanswered questions I faced in 2009. Every time the thought to walk away from God came to me, He placed Psalm 139 in my spirit. Being the great Father God is He gave me the strength to endure and that is why I can move forward from this situation and all situations. I know the LORD will always be there for me, He will always be my strength. My Associate Pastor asked me one was God the joy of my strength I can confident say, yes, He is the joy of my strength because we I was utterly cast down He pick me up. When I felt alone He was there to make me feel like someone was there with me. When I do not understand many situations He assured me one day I would know the reasons.

That is why I must let go of the hurt feelings because in the end it is only hurting me. It is hindering me from moving forward in what I must do. So, with a forgiving hurt I am let it go. This one situation will not stop me from seeking spiritual advice from others nor will it hinder me from being all God has called me to be. I will recovery from someone disappointing me, what I can not do is continue to hold on to this hurt and disappoint.